Now, guys, I know that the last month has been rough.
But today, I remembered
that life with Donald Trump can also be pretty funny.
I mean, we all agree
Donald Trump is going to destroy the world.
But we cannot deny that it'll be an amusing destruction.
Yeah, it's like an asteroid's headed to earth,
-but it's shaped like a penis. -(laughter)
You know what I mean? You're like, "Ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!"
I was thinking about this today
because Trump had his most important meetings
with a foreign leader yet when
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu came to
(imitating Trump): the very famous White House,
and, uh, had a conversation.
And, look, peace between Israel and Palestine
is one of those problems that no one has been able to solve.
It's so complicated.
There's settlements, there's violence,
there's border lines, there's terrorism.
For a century, the sides haven't been able to come together.
But Trump isn't worried at all.
Just listen to him give his views
on whether Israelis and Palestinians should live
in two separate states or one.
So, I'm looking at two-state and one-state,
and I like the one that both parties like.
I'm very happy with the one that both parties like.
I can live with either one.
I thought for a while the two-state looked
like it may be the easier of the two,
but honestly, if Bibi and if the Palestinians,
if Israel and the Palestinians are happy,
I'm happy with the one they like the best.
(laughter)
Did this guy just tell us the problem
like it was the solution?
Here's what he said.
"Now, what you need is that everyone agrees with each other.
"Yeah, I don't know why this took you guys so long.
There we go. Done. Done."
Trump would be the best hostage negotiator ever.
Just be like: Whatever makes both the hostages
and the hostage takers happy, that works for me.
Let's work together, guys. Come on.
Oh, yeah, here's another thing.
-Uh... -(laughter)
Really?
Really? We're gonna...
This is... this is not...
Please, can we... Thank you.
Uh, I hate... I hate those promos. Sorry.
Uh, you know what, watching Donald Trump's diplomacy
is a surreal experience.
Because... because what's the one thing
most leaders struggle with when talking to Israel?
It's figuring out how to broach the sensitive topic
of illegal settlements.
But as I said,
As far as settlements, I'd like to see you hold back
on settlements for a little bit.
Uh, we'll, uh, work something out.
(gasps, laughter)
Okay, I-I'm sorry. Donald Trump is a genius.
(laughter)
No one has ever thought to just straight-up ask Netanyahu
to stop the settlements.
Like... he just... he just asked him.
He asked him like a neighbor
telling him to turn down the music.
Hey, uh, you're gonna turn down the music, right?
Can you just turn it down? Right? Do you mind?
Do you mind just turning it down? Yeah?
All right, cool. What's the next issue?
Let's move on.
Even... Look at Netanyahu, in his eyes.
Even he does not know what to do...
(laughter)
...with the man they call El Donaldo.
I think we're gonna make a deal.
It might be a bigger and better deal
than people in this room even understand.
That's a possibility.
So let's see what we do.
That's right.
Doesn't sound too optimistic, but that's...
You can see Netanyahu's like, "Who the (bleep) is this dude?"
(laughter)
You know...
Trump is either a genius or he is the biggest idiot
the world has ever seen.
'Cause I honestly wonder if Trump's plan
is to be such a bumbling fool that Israel and Palestine
are gonna get together in a room and be like,
"I think we can both agree, that guy's a (bleep) moron.
-(laughter, applause, whooping) -"That guy's a (bleep) moron.
We better solve this problem before he tries to help out."