[MUSIC - PINK, "TODAY'S THE DAY"]
Hey.
[CHEERING]
Hi!
(SINGING) I used to want to grow up.
I thought that I could be free.
But now I'm realizing--
[CHEERING]
Hi!
Yes!
[CHEERING]
Hi!
[CHEERING]
You guys!
Seriously!
[CHEERING]
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much!
I love you.
Have a seat.
Oh, I'm sorry I made you wait.
My nail broke backstage, so I Scotch taped it on.
So I hope that holds.
It's actually Scotch taped on.
I don't know if you remember me.
I'm Karla Kardashian.
[CHEERING]
I'm the lesser-known Kardashian sister.
And I've got a new baby bump under my lady lumps.
You know what that means.
Either I'm pregnant, or I put my butt pad on backwards.
[SIGHS]
That's humorous.
Did you-- you watch Keeping Up the Kardashians, right?
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
I'm a big part of the Kardashian family.
When the show first started, I had a small part.
Then I went to see a doctor in Beverly Hills,
and he made it bigger.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh!
[CHEERING]
That is a joke about improving the breast size.
This season, all the Kardashians are having babies.
Or as we like to call them, spin-offs.
So we all know that Kim is expecting.
And everyone is talking about Khloe and Kylie being pregnant.
But I have breaking news.
And I'm not supposed to tell anybody.
But I don't care, because I'm a part of the family,
Kourtney is also pregnant as well.
Yes.
I happen to know.
[SHRIEKING]
I know, you heard it here first.
Kourtney is pregnant.
Kourtney, love!
Hi!
Oh.
Karla.
Hi!
Stop making up lies.
Oh, muah, muah.
You're looking good, girl.
Hi, thank you.
I feel so good.
Stop making up rumors about me.
What?
I'm not pregnant.
Well-- I-- I-- what?
Karla.
Stop trying to make up rumors like you
know all of our secrets.
You're right, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Let me help you out.
Thank you.
Oh no, the other one broke.
Ah!
Hold on.
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Should I keep this?
Yeah.
There.
Ow!
[LAUGHTER]
I confused you with Kendall, because Kendall's pregnant.
And I know that for a fact.
That one is true.
[CHEERING]
Kendall is pregnant.
I'm telling you--
Oh, hey, I'm not pregnant either.
Hey, Kendall!
Hi.
Muah, Hi.
This is my sisters.
I'm not pregnant either though.
Hmm?
I'm not.
You got to chill, 'cause I'm not pregnant.
You have to chill, is what you do.
OK.
Are you Kylie?
Nope, Kendall, still Kendall.
OK, still Kendall.
Damn, there's a lot of us, huh?
Well, anyway, everyone knows what's happening.
Did you just rub me?
Yes, the baby.
It's any day now.
It looks that way.
Anyway everybody knows that the family, of course,
signed a huge deal with E!
For $150 million.
And I haven't gotten my part yet.
But I don't care.
I don't care.
Because I just signed a very big deal.
I am the new face of Food 4 Less.
[CHEERING]
Amazing.
Take that!
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
That's right.
Congratulations.
Yeah, you think of cheap melons, you think of Karla Kardashian.
[DINGS]
OK.
All right, I'm glad you're here today,
because I have a big announcement, OK?
What?
This is perfect.
This is.
What a coincidence that you'd be here today.
For the first time, I'm revealing who the baby daddy
is.
What?
Yes.
This is exciting.
I know.
So I went on Maury.
And I have the results right here.
I can't open them.
Do you need help?
I can't.
No.
Are you ready for this?
Yes.
OK.
Yeah.
The father is Shaquille O'Neal's cousin, Jalil O'Neal.
Jalil!
Come on out, Jalil!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hey, baby!
Hello.
Hey baby.
Hey, what's good?
How you doing?
What's up?
Mm, mm, mm.
Oh Lord above, oh God, yes.
Yeah, we did it, oh so good.
Yes.
That's Jalil.
Aren't you so excited?
Welcome to the family.
Yeah.
Jalil, I'm so thrilled.
Welcome to the fam.
I'm the baby daddy.
He sounds like Shaquille.
Yeah.
Baby daddy.
Yeah.
Aren't you excited?
I'm very excited.
So excited to be here.
My favorite program, the "Dr. Ellen Show," I love this place.
I love it.
That's funny.
No it's just The Ellen Show.
There's not the Dr. It's just Ellen.
This The Ellen Show?
Now, who's going to tell e what's wrong with my feet.
'Cause they look like the Appalachian Mountains
when I take my sneakers off.
Oh no!
Isn't that funny?
That's terrible.
No they don't.
They're pretty feet.
Terrible.
Us Kardashians always date famous athletes.
Jalil used to play in the NBA.
Oh.
Hmm.
That's what I did.
The Neighborhood Bowling Association.
Uh-huh.
Oh, OK.
Still the NBA though.
Doesn't matter.
I am so glad all you could be here for the big reveal.
I was wondering if you have any ideas for the baby's name?
Let's see here.
Mm, so sexy, isn't he?
I know, yeah.
Let's see here, Stephanie.
See, no, no, no, it has to start with a K.
OK.
K'Stephanie.
Ah.
Amazing.
Good one.
Yeah, that's a good one.
We approve.
But what if it's a boy?
Kalzone.
I like it.
He's handsome and that's the important thing.
Right honey?
Yes, yes.
Mm.
We're so proud of you guys.
Down here.
Oh, right.
Nope, nope.
So cute.look at them.
Nope, nope.
Oh, he has a hard time seeing sometimes.
Oh.
That's nice.