One of my favorite things
about covering news in America is how much energy
American news has, right?
Like, networks in America have, like, they've got, like,
"Breaking news happening now!"
(imitates TV news music)
Yeah, because in other parts of the world,
news feels a lot more like this.
Russians have been protesting in Moscow and two other cities
against plans to give the Kremlin the capacity
to isolate the country's Internet service
from the rest of the world.
Wha...?
Y-You see that?
Russian people are about to burn down their country
protesting Russia shutting down the Internet,
but this BBC news anchor makes it sound like
she's reading a bedtime story.
"In Russia, people are protesting about..."
Come on, wake up!
Is coffee legal in Britain,
or did you lose that in Brexit as well?
-What's going on? -(laughter)
Come on! Wake up!
(applause)
Because news...
news in America is action.
It always sounds like this.
-♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: This is CNN Breaking News.
Breaking news tonight: President Trump's record budget request
to Congress being overshadowed by a report
that he told a private audience
that Democrats hate Jewish people.
Yeah!
-(laughter) -You hear that?
That's news!
Wolf Blitzer comes in with that, ♪ It's Breaking News. ♪
There's big graphics, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
And then, best of all, you got a (bleep) orchestra
backing you up in the background.
(imitating various instruments)
And, now, I've always wondered, I've always wondered,
who makes the music for CNN?
'Cause that's my favorite part of the news.
Because they're a big part of how entertaining the network is.
Well, we didn't find out who it is,
but we did make something up.
(orchestra musicians tuning instruments)
(German accent): My name is Franka von Schmidt,
and I am zee composer and lead instrumentalist
for the CNN Breaking News Orchestra.
-♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: This is CNN Breaking News.
We're following breaking news. Hurricane Michael
grinding across Florida right now, heading toward Georgia...
FRANKA: I am responsible for every instrument, every note,
every piece of music you hear on the CNN.
It is all me.
All of it.
(dramatic orchestral music playing)
Ven I was younger, people said
I was the finest musician in all of Berlin.
Berlin, Wisconsin.
Why do you have a German accent?
(orchestra playing minor-key theme)
It is I who provides the passion,
the feeling, the mood of the news.
Without my music, news would be boring und informative.
You know, you'd have to figure out how to feel
about things yourself-- no one wants this.
♪ If you get it, get it... ♪
Look at this.
These assholes at CBS News are, like, playing pop.
If you're not going to tell people how to feel emotions,
then you might as well be making fart noises.
"Oh, look at me. I'm John Dickerson.
(imitates farting) Unemployment is up."
(imitates farting)
♪ ♪
This is a triangle. I like to use this for Melania news,
because it's, like, very delicate, you see?
Like... ♪ Dee, dee, dee, dee. ♪
I just imagine Melania being a beautiful princess
in the White House, just like,
♪ Tippy-toe, tippy-toe, tippy-toe. ♪
So, this is mein tuba.
I like to use this for the Kim Jong-un man,
because it reminds me of the way he walks.
You know, kind of like...
(repeating low, breathy note)
♪ Who give me zis haircut? ♪
♪ We should have him poisoned. ♪
(repeating low, breathy note)
Mein goal?
Franka at Carnegie Hall.
(exiting orchestral music playing)
All of mein instruments...
all of the songs...
all me, all at the same time.
Maybe mein Wolfie would join me on stage.
You could say I'm not just a musician,
I am a...
"news-ician."
-(cheering, applause) -Desi von Lydicberg, everyone!