- Hey everybody, today, I'm gonna talk with you about
co-dependency.
What is it? And how can we improve?
(upbeat music)
So, like I said, today, I'm gonna talk with you about
co-dependency.
I've heard from many of you that you worry that you're
in a co-dependent relationship,
or your therapist has told you that you co-dependent.
What the heck does that even mean?
So, what did I do?
I looked the Wikipedia definition up.
'Cause Wikipedia knows all. Not really.
But, I like their definition best.
It says co-dependent relationships
are a type of dysfunctional
helping relationship, where one person supports or enables
another person's addiction, poor mental health,
immaturity, irresponsibility, or under achievement.
So, what that really means, is that
one person in the relationship,
is enabling the other person
to do things that aren't healthy.
An example of this would be, let's say,
I have a husband who gambles a lot,
has a horrible gambling addiction.
And instead of
helping him get the help he needs, to stop gambling,
I work harder so we have more money,
so he can spend it on gambling.
Or I make sure everything is still okay at the house,
and I take care of him, make sure his clothes are clean,
make sure he's fed, in order for him to function
at a somewhat bare-bones level.
So I'm enabling him to continue doing what he does.
I hope that makes sense.
So, the nice thing to know,
or maybe the not nice thing to know,
is that a majority of us, are in co-dependent relationships,
in some shape or form.
But there are a ton of things,
that we can do to make it better,
and to help ourselves, so we don't become stuck,
in these unhealthy relationship patterns.
So, in order to better help ourselves,
we need to know what the symptoms are, right?
That's kinda like when I'm talking about diagnoses,
the first thing I give you are the symptoms
of what we'd look for,
because how else are we supposed to spot it?
Am I right?
So, the symptoms of co-dependents are,
low-self esteem.
Now, these are the people who are enabling.
I want you to understand who I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the person who makes the unhealthy person
able to continue being unhealthy.
The symptoms are, things such as,
low-self esteem, no or very poor boundaries,
they have a very people pleasing personality,
they really need to control situations,
they have a lack of communication, or clear communication,
where it's a healthy, direct way,
to communicate with another person.
They have lot of problems with intimacy,
they can be in denial, and the lsit goes on and on.
But you get the idea of what it may look and feel like,
to be a co-dependent person,
or to be in a co-dependent relationship, okay?
And so, what are the treatment things,
or ways that we could help improve?
Therapy. We can do therapy. Therapy helps a lot of things.
And the things great about therapy for co-dependence,
is that it helps us to gain insight,
a lot of people don't even recognize,
that they're doing things to enable the person.
Okay?
And so it helps us to gain insight,
and it can help change our way
of interacting with our loved ones,
so that maybe, when we used to be really people pleasing,
and worry a lot about how they felt towards us,
we maybe pulled back from that a little bit,
and try different behavioral techniques,
to way that the relationship functions, okay.
I think the most important thing to relationship with this,
it that it can feel horribly,
horribly, uncomfortable at first,
but it does get better.
And sometimes, if I find, when we're making change
in general, in our lives,
that it's always uncomfortable.
But that's actually a good sign,
because when we were comfortable, shit was bad.
And so it's actually kinda good to be uncomfortable,
'cause that means that we're making some progress.
Am I right?
I think so.
Also, there are 12 step programs.
There are actually Co-dependents Anonymous.
And if the issue that's going on in your family,
or in your relationship,
has anything to do with alcohol, or drugs,
there are not only like the AA and NA
for the person who's struggling,
but for the family, there things like Al-Anon,
for family members of those who drink.
So, it's like for the person who is the co-dependent.
You can go to those kinds of group therapy sessions,
to get no only, some support,
but also to recognize that you're not alone.
And all those things you thought might be crazy,
or that weird way that you felt your family functioned,
or relationship functioned,
that you're not alone.
And you're filled with a room of people
who have the same or very similar experience,
and do similar unhealthy behaviors,
and it could be really healing,
just to like, in our community,
just knowing that we're not along can be so healing.
So, I encourage you,
if you are concerned that you're in some kind of
co-dependent relationship,
and like I said, a majority of us,
are in some percentage of a co-dependent relationship,
that you take some time to gain some insight.
Call a therapist.
Start talking about things that are going on,
so that you can realize what's going on.
And possibly make some appropriate changes,
to better yourself, and your relationship.
And if you like this type of video,
give it a thumbs up, and let me know.
And if you have any experience with
Co-Dependents Anonymous, or AA or Al-Anon,
leave it in the comments below.
Because, I know that for a lot of people,
they get really scared to reach out at the beginning,
and it's nice to know that somebody's already been there,
and that it'll be okay.
Keep checking back, keep working with me,
towards a healthy mind and a healthy body.