- It's so nice to see you in person.
- It's so nice to see you.
- 'Cause you were virtual last time I saw you.
- Yes, yes, yes. - I thought, yes, yes, yes.
I'm very excited you're here.
Look at your energy. - I'm very excited to be here.
Well, come on.
- Is that caffeine or natural? - No.
- I was like, "What are you doing?"
- Listen, they wind me up and out I go.
- And side me out, like a bunny.
Wait, so happy Mother's Day and RAD mom week.
So wait, do y'all do anything special and your son
for Mother's Day?
- Do you know what, he usually writes me,
I make him write me something.
And last year was the greatest one.
He had this jam jar that he filled with all these messages
of things that he thought about me.
- [Kelly] What?
- My favorite was, "Sometimes your hair looks nice."
(audience laughs)
- My kids would be like,
"Sometimes your hair isn't in a bun."
- Exactly.
- So, wait, you posted this photo
and it's you and your son younger and this is awesome.
- [Minnie] Yeah.
(audience applauds)
- First of all, he has such rad rock and roll hair.
Like, I mean, is that, are you happy
'cause he got your hair?
- Yeah, he really did. - I love it.
- It's crazy and he-- - But it's cool.
It's really rock and roll. - It's cool, it's good hair.
And he's in two bands right now.
He's in a kind of jazz band and a rock band.
- A jazz band? - [Minnie] I know.
- Wow!
- And the hair is, the hair is great on stage.
- Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
He was destined to be on stage with that hair.
- I think he probably was.
- So I find this interesting too.
So you, this wasn't your idea, this was his.
He wanted to go to boarding school.
- Well, so here's the thing.
I would never in a million years
have let my child go to boarding school
'cause all I'm like his worst groupie.
Like all I wanna do is be around him all the time.
- 24/7. - You wanna hang out?
But during COVID--
- Is this why he wanted to go to boarding school?
(Kelly laughs)
- Now Kelly, yes probably.
We went in during COVID.
The school stayed shut in Los Angeles
but they opened in that September of 2020.
They reopened in England.
And my son said, "Please can I go to a real school?"
And we only meant to go for a semester.
And during that time he reconnected with his British roots
and fell in love so hard with the slate grey sky,
the horizontal rain, the freezing cold,
the pitch black by 3:00 p.m.
and was like, "This is my place."
And I was like, "Are you sure?
Like you were raised
at the beach." - He's in a band.
Like he's artistic, he's into it.
- [Minnie] He's fully--
- I love England for those reasons, by the way.
- Seriously?
- Love it.
I was born on a rainy day.
I was born in like literally it was storming.
My brother will remind everyone
because he got pulled from his game, sorry.
Like some basketball game.
I'm like, "You aren't gonna be a basketball player.
It's fine."
Like it's like, but anyway.
We are here with Minnie Driver, give it up.
(audience applauds)
Whose new book is called "Managing Expectations."
I love this title.
I always have a joke with my friends.
I'm like, "That's what I'm gonna name my book."
I say, I change the name all the time
but you always thought you'd name a book this
if you wrote a book.
Why that?
Did you have a hard time managing them?
- Yeah, I mean,
I think we, don't we all?
Like the expectations that we have of ourselves,
that our parents have of us, that society does
as women, parents, lovers, friends,
everything seems to be about managing these expectations.
And then the big sort of spiritual nugget
that you finally realize
is that expectations is really the problem.
And that if we got rid of that idea of expecting something
but rather lived in this moment
and allowed it to be something.
So the title was ironic and, but we all do it.
And the book is so much about
how stuff in your life not working out
is really your life working out in other ways.
- Yeah. I love that. - I don't know.
It's tricky but--
- Everybody has a hard time I feel like
with managing expectations more so for ourselves
that we set for ourselves than even others.
- Yeah, definitely, definitely.
Or if you've sort of have in your head
what you perceive someone's expectation of you
to be like it's all created
and it's all already setting you at a disadvantage
as opposed to stay in the moment, live your life
and don't judge it or expect it to look different.
Just be in it.
Which is by the way, - It seems more free.
- When somebody dies, who you love, as anyone who knows.
It's like it's done and it is done fast.
This is, well it is over in an instant.
Like there's no time to waste
with thinking it should look differently.
Let it be what it is and enjoy every bloody second.
(audience applauds)
- Well one story in the book is how dancing at raves,
which I love that you went dancing at raves
got you into acting.
What? - Oh my God!
- Well, so I graduated from drama school.
You know, this conservatory, I went to study acting
and I was the only kid who didn't have representation
at the end when everyone graduated.
And that summer I graduated in May and that summer,
it was the explosion of house music and acid house.
And these raves were popping up all over the place.
And I just used to go to dance.
- I love dancing. - To forget my worries.
I was like, - Escapism.
- I have no idea what my life is gonna be
now that apparently I'm not gonna be an actor.
So I used to go dance.
And because I didn't do all the substances
that all the other kids were doing
because I was square and I didn't really--
- Or terrified 'cause a lot of them
causes holes in the brain.
- I didn't really know what the,
I didn't really. - Me neither.
- Anyway, I just, I was the sober driver coming home.
So my car would be full of crazy casualties.
And there was this other kid.
- Crazy casualties should be your next book.
- By the way, next book.
(Kelly and Minnie laugh)
- Crazy casualties?
(audience clapping)
Am I gonna steal that for a song?
Wait, crazy casualties is brilliant.
- We'll release the book with, - With a song.
- It'll come with a song with it to download.
But anyway, there was this other kid
who was also sober and we would drive home together.
And just through the summer we were just chat
and we chatted about boys and music.
We both loved Nana Cherry and Bell Biv DeVoe.
And we loved all the same kind of music.
And throughout the summer,
we never talked about life or anything.
And at the end of the summer, it was about to be September
and going back to work and the dread was building.
And one day she was like, "You know, what do you do?"
And I was like, "Well, you know,
I'm supposed to be an actress,
but I mean, that's not really happening."
And she's like, "Oh, that's weird.
I work for a casting director."
And I was like, "Do you?"
- That's so interesting.
- That's so nice that you do that.
And she was like, "Yeah, don't ask me to introduce you."
And I was like, "Okay."
And she was like, "Just kidding, go on."
- [Kelly] Oh my God!
- She was like, "You should come and meet her."
- What is the happenstance of that?
- And that Monday I went in and this casting director,
I had nothing to recommend me.
Like, no nothing.
She just had a cup of tea with me and was like,
"Yeah, you seem funny.
I'll call someone."
- [Kelly] Oh my gosh!
- And she called and I got an agent, yeah.
(audience applauds)
- What? - It was crazy, it's crazy.
- Never give up and go to raves
is what we've learned here today.
- Yeah. Oh! Don't do drugs an dungs.
- Don't do drugs and dungs.
I like the use of dungs.
So wait, so last time we talked about surfing in Malibu.
So were you there when the fires got crazy?
- Oh my gosh! Yeah.
I was working and my,
I watched on the news as the fire was barreling down the PCH
and it was headed straight for the little tiny community
where I live. - [Kelly] Yeah.
- And because of the bravery of 10 men who stayed
and fought the fire, a couple of ex firefighters
and some lifeguards, they saved our community
but my community was completely cut off.
They had one FEMA meal a day
but they were running out of gasoline for the generators
'cause there was no power.
They were running out of eyewash, chocolate,
booze, everything.
- All the key things. - All important things.
- All of the vital components for survival.
- When things are heating the fan you need booze.
- So I was like, "Okay."
I'd just gone through a terrible breakup
and was maybe not in the best frame of mind
but I was like,
"I need to deliver goods." - [Kelly] Yeah.
- However, the only way you could get in was by boat
and because people had started looting,
the Coast Guard had issued a zero ship to shore.
So you'd be arrested if you tried to get in.
Nonetheless, I found a boat and a captain
and I just had to figure out
how I was gonna get the stuff from the boat into the beach
and I needed some help.
- You became a good pirate.
- I did. - I like it.
- And I called, I was like,
"Who can I get to go do this with me?"
So I remembered this dude that I'd met
at a friend's breakfast.
And he was just this really
Intrepid Indian Jones type explorer.
- Perfect guy.
- Called him up.
I was like, "Will you help me launch a sea-based incursion?
You might get arrested." - A sea based incursion?
- There was a big silence
and then he was like, "Yeah, I'll do it."
- [Kelly] You made him arrested?
- And I, we did it.
We got chased by the Coast Guard.
We got, you know, there is a mounted gun on that boat.
Like we had the gasoline balanced on the paddle boards,
we were paddling it in, we dragged it on the beach.
We ran away from,
I mean, the Coast Guard hung out all day
waiting for us to come back.
We were shipwrecked in my house that had no electricity,
no water, nothing.
And he basically, I asked him every question
about why men are unfaithful,
why men do the things that they do.
(Kelly laughs)
I was like, "You are trapped, I'm really sorry.
I wanna ask you a lot of questions."
And he was kind of like, "Well, all right."
- [Kelly] Oh my God.
- And so we hung out the whole day.
I got to know him.
We made it back to the Marina del Rey
at like, you know, midnight.
We're standing on the thing.
I was like, "I'm ruined.
I'm never gonna have another boyfriend."
And he was like, "Well, I don't want a girlfriend
and definitely not you."
(Kelly laughs)
- But we stood there and then, of course we became friends
and of course we fell in love.
And of course we've been together ever since.
- [Kelly] This is a movie.
(audience applauds)
Wait, what?
That's how it ended? - Yeah.
- That's amazing.
- He's the greatest person I ever met,
apart from my son and my mother.
- Wait, when are you making this movie?
- [Minnie] I gotta make it into a movie.
I gotta make it into a movie.
- You gotta make it into a movie.
- If only I knew some people. - [Kelly] Oh my God!
- God dang it! - I'm just like what?
And you trapped this guy.
He's like, "I just said I'd help deliver
some supplies ma'am."
- [Minnie] Seriously.
- It's amazing. - I know.
- So you have this podcast that I love.
We talked about last week here.
So how's it going?
Because last time you were on here,
I love if you haven't heard of her podcast, it's amazing.
So Minnie's Questions are, they're so deep,
so thought provoking.
And the last time you were here,
you actually asked me one of them and we didn't air it
because I was a little afraid to air it
because I was very honest and still going through a divorce.
But anyway, let's see the tape now.
- What question would you most like answered?
- Oh!
- Okay, good.
This is good, this is very good.
- Well, this might not air.
(Kelly laughs)
When will divorce end?
(audience applauds)
It is, I know like, look,
it took two years for our divorce, right?
And so, and I know people still in it
that have been for like four.
It's already and I figured out from your question.
I was being funny, but I was being serious at the same time.
And also trying to be respectful
'cause we were in it or whatever.
So I was like, "Oh, I just don't wanna like whatever."
So I didn't air it, but I wanted to air it now
because these questions there's seven of them
that you ask and they're, you cannot go shallow.
Like with these questions, like you dive,
they're like really intense questions.
And the point was I was being funny about divorce
putting anybody who's ever been through divorce
but it's more than that.
It's grief, it is grief.
It's such a loss and it's like it strings along
and just drags you with it.
And luckily I don't read press or anything
so I didn't have that portion of it.
But I was living it.
And so it was like, it's one of those things where
and I'm forgetting the question was when--
- What question would you most like answered?
- Uh, answered, yeah.
When will this get better?
- I know.
- And I was being funny,
but I was being real serious as well.
- As well.
You know, I just asked.
So I just had the amazing Christiane Amanpour
who you've seen on CNN forever.
(audience clapping)
She just came on and we recorded the episode
three days before the invasion of Ukraine.
And so her answers though are so eerily poignant
because when I asked her,
"What question would you most like answered?"
She said, "I really want to know
if truth and democracy will survive."
And it was so heavy and thought provoking.
- And now I feel like mine's selfish.
- No! Don't bestow.
Not even because we,
but you realize what that question,
what that question reveals is so much of what is it?
The heart of really truthfully like in you
like you really answer that question.
- And what she deals with on the daily basis.
- Her perspective is like that is,
she's living in that realm. - [Kelly] World.
That's dark.
- I know it's heavy, right? - [Kelly] Yeah.
Because we don't know and then three days later,
- And then three days later we're watching
this extraordinary drama unfold.
- [Kelly] That you just, yeah, you feel helpless.
- Completely.
- [Kelly] And sometimes hopeless.
- Sometimes, and then I don't know, even within that
there are people who are so heroic within that,
that you, it brings tears to your eyes
the heroism that you're seeing of men and women
and press that are there
and the way that things are.
I don't know.
I don't know there's, I don't know what else we can do
except offer our love and our support both financially
and with things that we can collect and donate.
- And thinking, absolutely.
(audience applauds)
And thinking and knowing, like,
even I mean history will present itself.
Atrocities happen, disasters happen,
these horrible things can happen
but there is always and that was the same thing
I was trying to answer with the question.
I was like, "Is you do wonder when you're in it?"
You're like, "Will this ever end?"
And it will.
- We want to quantify things though, don't we?
We want a timeline.
I think, again, this is why--
- [Kelly] Well we want a light at the end of the tunnel.
- You do. What is it Winston Churchill said?
"When you're going through hell, keep going."
- Yeah. Okay.
- You just have to keep,
you just have to keep on because I think it does end.
It becomes something else. - [Kelly] Yeah.
- It's just the time itself.
- I do think you become, it sounds so cheesy.
I do think you become stronger for it
'cause you're like, "Woo! Okay.
I could take a lot."
And it's whatever you're going through and to validate that.
- The stuff that we do to each other,
whether it's in a divorce or in a war,
like why can't we just be kinder?
- [Kelly] I know.
- [Minnie] Why can't? Why is that--
- I think because people have a hard time,
in my experience, loving themselves.
They have a hard time loving themselves
or being kind to themselves.
So how in the world will they be able to show that
or reciprocate it?
Like if it's shown to the, you know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, yeah.
- They won't, if you can't like truly like,
I feel like the most people that are like the most unloving
or like evil, sometimes I feel like,
just like not in their best version of themselves.
It's because of some kind of trauma had to happen, right?
Like there has to be something that made them that way
that I have to think that. - Yeah, no I agree with you.
I mean it's just the, what is that?
- 'Cause can't think anyone is a lost cause.
Do you believe in that?
- I mean, right now I've gotta say
there's a couple of people on the news
who I feel are a lost cause
but the truth is you're completely right.
They're not because nobody is. - I can't believe it.
- I just think some people just are not gonna get to it
in this lifetime
and I'm not sure I believe in they're being more than one.
So it's kind of like get to it.
- [Kelly] Yeah. - Be nicer.
- And if there is more than one, can I come back as a man?
(audience laughing)
Just asking, just asking.
- You wanna come back as a man?
- I do, I wanna know what that's like.
I know what like.
(Kelly and Minnie laughing)
Like I'm just saying.
(audience applauds)
So we need another short break, there's no segue.
Minnie's new book is out now.
It's called "Managing Expectations".
Couldn't think of a better time to read this people.
And be sure to look out for her podcast,
"Minnie Questions" wherever you get your podcast.
I swear to you, these seven questions will trip you out.
Who are you is what you will find out.