INFJs are one of the rarest personality types,
making up less than 3% of the population. They often experience great difficulty with
living in a world that doesn't live up to their expectations. They are deeply caring individuals
who need to feel loved and appreciated in order to feel good about themselves and their lives.
INFJs are very sensitive people. They can be hurt or outraged by the smallest of comments.
When they are emotionally abused, it can be incredibly hard for them to take a step back
and think objectively about what is happening in their lives.
There are many types of emotional abuse that an INFJ might experience,
but it can generally be characterized as manipulation and control.
As the extroverted feeling, intuitive type, INFJs have a strong need for autonomy and
competence. When they feel attacked in such a way,
they will often withdraw from the relationship in order to protect themselves.
They're often seen as the most compassionate and understanding individuals,
but in reality, INFJs can also be quite fragile.
So, let’s look at 10 things that can happen when an INFJ is emotionally abused.
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INFJs May Completely Withdraw
INFJs tend to deeply care about other people’s sensibilities.
They are always the ones in the room trying to ensure harmony in their relationships. INFJs who
have been emotionally abused in their lives are often the opposite. They are extremely guarded,
and fearful of repeating the same encounters. They are withdrawn around most people, attempting to
put up a wall that might protect them from trusting anyone enough to be hurt by them.
Generally, the first thing an INFJ wants after emotional distress is to be alone, lay in bed,
cry even, think and obsess about everything that has gone wrong in their lives. They can do this
for weeks, months, and even years at a time if no one is there to help them snap out of it.
INFJs May Become Very Confrontational
INFJs are people who are deeply in tune with their emotions.
They have a very rich inner world and a complex understanding of human interactions. They are
generally peace-loving individuals who would choose to always avoid any heated confrontation.
However, they are also prone to the opposite as a coping mechanism when in emotional distress. Some
emotionally abused INFJs can become incredibly aggressive and confrontational with people. They
may still have a strong desire to be peacekeepers and intervene by nature, but when experiencing
emotional abuse, they will be too exhausted from trying to manage their own suffering
to do this. These INFJs stop caring about the consequences and can jump to just lashing out.
INFJs May Feel Self Conscious
INFJs are innate perfectionists. They hold incredibly high standards for themselves in
all facets of their lives. An INFJ’s perfectionism is particularly brutal when they are evaluating
themselves. Sometimes they can be almost unrealistic in their expectations for themselves.
For a lot of INFJs who have not yet learned how to manage their idealism,
they often struggle with many insecurities. This can be further exasperated by emotional abuse.
One of the most common and frequent psychological effects of emotional abuse for an INFJ
is damaged self-confidence and self-worth. Abusers frequently focus in on areas where
an INFJ already has self-esteem issues such as physical appearance, weight, intelligence,
and so forth. This only perpetuates the INFJs discomfort with themselves and their lives.
INFJs Will Develop Long-Lasting Trust Issues
Trust for an INFJ is a fragile thing; it is the most valuable piece of China that they own
and it can be easily broken. As you can imagine,
shattering it will result in consequences. If you surrender the trust of an INFJ after retaining
it for any amount of time, you are impeding on the harmony and sanctity of their mind.
Emotional abuse is the breaking of trust in a relationship.
The trust you would never hurt. The trust that you will always protect.
Eventually, this will result in an inability for an INFJ to trust the person causing them pain.
These issues of trust can spill over into other relationships, not just with the abuser.
The INFJ often feels that if someone that close can break their trust, they are not safe with anyone.
INFJs Will Go Into Denial
INFJs have introverted intuition as a core cognitive function. As a result, they tend to have
very vivid and developed imaginations. This makes them very creative people, which is a good thing,
but it can also have a downside; a lack of understanding of the basic realities happening
around them. Denial may therefore simply be an add-on to their already vivid internal life.
INFJs experiencing emotional abuse would try to avoid talking about and confronting the problems
out in the open because of this introverted intuition.
They trust themselves too much, they think they can solve virtually any problem thrown their
way because of the belief in their ability to think about and solve the problems on their own.
Emotional abuse is something that needs to be acknowledged for what it
is, in order to move past it. Unfortunately,
most INFJs experiencing it tend to go into a state of denial, both about the circumstances
surrounding their abuse and the effects it has had on their self-esteem and other psychological
factors. Many of them also deny that it is even possible when it is not physical in nature.
This is perhaps part of why INFJs choose to stay in emotionally abusive relationships
more than most. They are in denial of how bad the problem really is
and what effect it is having on their lives.
INFJs Will Have a Fear of Vulnerability
INFJs have a tendency to fear vulnerability.
The reason again is their introverted intuition, which is responsible for gathering information.
This means anything the INFJ perceives gets stuck inside of them as they ruminate over it.
Sometimes the information they pick up, such as when their experiencing emotional abuse,
will be toxic. This toxicity once in their consciousness can be incredibly hard to get out.
For INFJs that have had abusive interactions in their lives, develop deep fears about their
vulnerability. This fear can be long-lasting and extend even after the emotional abuse has ended.
INFJs will be afraid of letting people in - especially when they perceive that a person
lacks compassion or is insensitive to their feelings. The fear of vulnerability is also
fuelled by uncertainty around where or how to form boundaries. An INFJ may not know how to
vet people properly, how much to let people in, and how much to protect themselves from others.
INFJs May Feel Hopeless
INFJs are interested in helping others and making the world a better place.
They tend to be excellent listeners and are good at interacting with people they are close to.
They feel responsible for making things better for those around them,
and they are usually quite successful at this, except obviously when dealing with an abuser.
It is impossible to satiate an abuser with kindness.
This can be particularly tormenting for an INFJ. It might make them start questioning
their purpose and feel powerless which eventually leads to hopelessness.
That is of course part of an emotional abuser’s grand design.
Emotional abuse leaves an INFJ feeling hopeless because that is exactly what it is designed to do.
An abuser does not want a victim to pick themselves up and get on with their life.
INFJs May Feel Constantly Afraid
INFJ personalities often struggle with feelings of anxiety, as they are constantly putting their
emotions on the line for others. They usually understand that abuse is not their fault and
want to help end it but feel like they can't do anything to help. This can lead to a feeling of
constantly walking on eggshells, trying not to make any mistakes so the abuser will never get
mad. INFJs are people-oriented and compassionate individuals who are often drawn to helping those
in need. They put their own needs last and feel for others who may not be as fortunate.
It is not uncommon for INFJs to feel like their minds, emotions,
and bodies are always in danger and can never relax when someone emotionally abuses them.
This constant fear can cause an INFJ to experience anxiety and depression. INFJs are often idealists
and have a strong desire to create empathy. They live in a world of their thoughts,
an internal world that can feel very dangerous when someone doesn't understand them.
It needs to be said there are abusers and abused in every type. However, some types are more prone
to being toxic and abusive than others and other types are more prone to get caught in
emotional abuse than others. INFJs due to their kind-hearted nature and sensitivity
tend to fall into the latter. And when they are emotionally abused by someone they trust or love,
it can lead to some serious long-term, life-altering problems.
It’s like they live in an introverted isolated world of painful memories
due to certain social interactions, which they don’t wish to share. And
because of those past memories, they are unable to trust and to really connect with new people.
In order to move past any traumatic event in their life,
INFJs need to trust their inner voice, for it can be their greatest friend and source of salvation
in unhealthy relationships. As healers, they don’t need to be constant “fixers” in order to
change the world. As sensitive people, they don’t need to dismiss their sensitivity as paranoia,
when it’s actually one of their greatest intuitive tools.
And as highly empathic individuals, they can still be compassionate towards others from a distance.