- When I was three years old,
my auntie asked me what I wanted to be
when I grow up.
I said, "A girl."
I've always known who I am.
Kia Ora, my name is Phoenix.
I'm 15 years old.
My pronouns are she and her
and I live in Ruakaka,
a small town near Whangārei.
I live with my mom Raewyn,
my stepdad Jim,
and my baby brother, Eruera.
I go to Bream Bay College
where my mum also teaches te reo.
This Friday is our senior school ball.
It's the first time I can really express myself
in front of the whole school.
When I was 13 I told my mum I was trans.
I've always known
that I've always wanted to be a girl
but I think I presented myself
as a girl after I took selfies with my friend
and I looked more feminine in them.
So I took this photo on the third of March in 2019.
Probably the day that changed my life.
I asked her like, if it looked all right,
and then she's like, "Yeah."
And then that's when I said that I looked like a girl
and she said, "You do."
And then I was like, "Maybe I should be a girl."
- [Mother] 'Cause we all kind of knew, aye?
- [Pheonix] Yeah.
- [Mother] But it had never been said.
You know, I'm not gonna lie.
I was a little bit upset, you know?
'Cause you give birth to this child
and it's a boy and blah, blah, blah,
and you have all these hopes and aspirations.
But I think it was more just
about me trying to conform to society's
unattainable perfect little box.
But then I told myself to kind of wake up,
get over yourself.
- I think a moment when I felt supported by my whānau
was when auntie Eliza came up for Christmas
and brought me chicken fillets .
They're like chicken fillets for my chest
so that it will look like I have boobs.
To make me feel more comfortable
instead of having to wear, you know.
- Socks? - Yeah, socks.
(laughing)
Because I remember whenever we used to go to town
I'd like, do this.
Like, I'd put my arms like that in my chest
and walk around town like that.
- Why?
- 'Cause I didn't feel comfortable
not having anything under there.
- [Mother] So how are you feeling about the ball?
- [Phoenix] I'm feeling excited.
- [Mother] So is there anything that you're worried about
or nervous about?
- [Phoenix] Probably my feet being sore.
- [Mother] You're not worried about anyone's reactions or?
- [Phoenix] No, not really.
- [Mother] Cool, that's good.
Real good.
(waves rushing)
- Is this like, a little bit light for you?
- That's way light.
That's lighter than my natural colour.
- What about this one? - That is perfect.
- Oh, well, this will be...but like your natural colour
or your fake tan colour?
- Natural.
I basically started preparing for this
at the start of year 11,
like before any of the dates were confirmed.
On my bucket list I would love to do a runway show.
I don't know who for.
Probably someone rich and well-known.
(girls giggling)
Two years ago,
if I didn't come out to my mum
and having her being so accepting,
I probably wouldn't be doing this right now.
I'd probably be looking at people's stories
of them getting ready
and sitting in my room watching Netflix.
(women laughing) (rhythmic music)
In high school I think I started
hanging out with the tough people
and then now they're like, long-term friends.
But at that time I wanted protection.
Now I realise that I don't need protection
from people who never did harm to me.