When I was in school people were obsessed with who was or wasn't a virgin, and this
one word was thrown around a lot, hymen.
What is this mysterious membrane and does it have anything to do with virginity?
Hello boys and girls, Trace here for DNews.
I taught Sex Ed in college, and I have to say, no matter how prepared people may be,
our first time having sex inevitably has some level of uncertainty.
No matter your age, orientation, identity, or sex.
But virginity is a complicated topic.
Some think there is a “right” or “wrong” way to lose your virginity, or that the experience
will leave them physically or spiritually ‘transformed’.
They'll be somehow different after they 'lose their v-card.'
But, more importantly, in a first-time sexual encounter, women often confront even more
unanswered questions, like: can someone get pregnant on the first try?
Will sex hurt?
Will there be blood?
Many, if not most, of the questions women have about virginity focus on the hymen.
That’s because culturally, a woman's virginity is intrinsically tied to this mysterious membrane,
which according to prevailing legend, breaks and bleeds during first-time sexual intercourse.
In the good ol’ days, before scientists knew exactly what was going during sex, many
newlyweds were expected to hand over bloody bedsheets to their families after the wedding
night to prove that the marriage was, indeed, consummated.
This, of course, is super creepy and no longer a cultural norm thank goodness - but the ideas
that reinforced it continue to prevail - that is: a woman is a virgin until she ‘pops
her cherry’.
That’s why we’re here to set the record straight.
Hymens are a thin membrane inside the opening to a vagina.
They are NOT sealed, so they CANNOT be ‘popped’ open, and therefore are not, scientifically,
tied to virginity.
And this makes a lot of sense because logically, if all women had a built-in vaginal dam, how
would anything, namely menstrual blood, get through?
In reality, hymens are commonly shaped either as a ring, or a crescent or half moon.
Some are thicker and stiffer, some are thinner and more stretchy.
Often, when a women has sex for the first time, the membrane can stretch or tear, but,
more often than not, the hymen is already stretched from other types of purposeful or
accidental penetration, like tampons, sex toys, masturbation or even some forms of physical
activity, like horseback riding.
This is why the presence or absence of the hymen membrane is in no way related to virginity.
That being said, vaginal bleeding after first-time intercourse is normal - though, it happens
to fewer than half of all women - but again, it’s not from a ‘pop’, but rather a
‘tear’ in the membrane.
This can occur when intercourse is too fast or rough, or from insufficient lubrication.
And when it does happen, it’s almost always just minor bleeding called spotting.
Hymen myths aside, many women still complain that sex hurts the first time.
According to Planned Parenthood, this occurs because no two people are alike, and thus
neither are hymens.
Some women have more of a hymen than others, and that the best way to prevent initial pain
is to manually stretch the membrane over time.
Some studies have suggested, however, that this pain has little to do with the hymen,
and more to do with a woman’s mental state.
According to this idea, many women are culturally conditioned to expect first-time sex to hurt.
This can cause some women to tense their muscles, causing the experience of intercourse will b unpleasant,
and sometimes painful.
That being said, there are a number of other factors researchers say could cause pain,
like vaginal tightness, irritation from birth control or, in rare cases, local infections
or diseases.
At this point we hope you understand that a hymen has nothing to do with virginity.
So, for women as well as men -- or however you identify -- what does it mean to be a
virgin?
There’s no one answer and scientifically, no way to tell if someone is a virgin or not.
Often it's social or cultural.
For example, some people define sex as strictly as penis-in-vagina intercourse, but that excludes
a lot of the sexually active population.
Many in the LGBT community, for example, have never had vaginal intercourse, but do not
think of themselves as virgins.
Everyone has their own definition of virginity, and that’s ok.
The important thing to keep in mind is there’s no “right” way to lose it.
Just be safe and stay lubricated!
So now that you know about virginity and hymens - why do we even have sex?
Well, we have a video all about that here.
Do you have other questions about your bodies?