okay
what is up my beautiful people! welcome back to my channel. thanks for being here. my name is
keara graves! if you're new here, welcome! i haven't really gone into detail about this topic yet on my
channel because i wasn't-- i wasn't quite ready, okay? but now i am ready to talk about it and share my
experiences with you all because i've gotten a lot of questions being like "what does she/they mean?"
"why did your pronouns change?" "are you nonbinary?" "how did you realize you were nonbinary?", and all of
the above, so this is-- this is for that. this is to address those questions. i hope this helps
some of you out there who might be confused about their gender or exploring their gender identity
what are the feelings inside? you're probably like what-- what are these feelings?" because same.
that was me. that was me. my name is keara graves, my pronouns are she/they and i'm genderfluid!
okay? let's do it. let's do it. so how i knew i was genderfluid... let's go back to the very beginning
of when i first met people that were nonbinary and when that identity was first introduced to me
probably like in high school. so at the time all the representation i saw for nonbinary
people was basically like i was seeing the same presentation of a nonbinary person
over and over and over again so i just assumed, that is a nonbinary person. i don't directly
relate to that person or resonate with that person or have the same feelings as that person so i must
not be non-binary. i didn't necessarily identify with their personal stories. i didn't intend to get
top surgery and all the non-binary people i had seen had gotten top surgery or had wanted to get
top surgery (in the future), so i wasn't in that boat, therefore, i was like "i must not be non-binary" and i still
sometimes you know enjoy wearing makeup and more "feminine" clothes, whatever that
even means. and lastly all the non-binary people i knew at the time, i was kind of jealous of them
and i didn't know why. i think i was jealous of the fact that they could come out and be open
about their identity and i couldn't. and that was very confusing for me i didn't realize that that
was jealousy until a couple years later and then i was like "WOAH!" i was totally supportive but a part
of me was like "i wish i could do that" i first started questioning my gender in the winter of
2020. i wasn't quite sure what i was feeling and i was very scared. you know, us Tauruses do not like
change. so i was very scared of everything going on in my brain all of my feelings all of my, you know,
seemingly new feelings or maybe my feelings had just been awakened because of the
representation i had recently seen for nonbinary people or the people around me that were very
encouraging and accepting. i didn't feel like i really resonated with my cisgender female
friends. i didn't feel like i belonged to that group. i didn't feel like i was the same. the first
feeling that was overwhelming, that i couldn't ignore, was i hated being perceived as a female in
public. like when i went outside i did not want to be perceived as a female. sometimes i would go out
and hide my hair and hide my body with clothes. part of this, i think, was that i didn't want to
be objectified. i hate gender roles and i hate, you know, performing a certain way how society
wants me to perform because of my biological sex. and every part of me was rejecting those ideals.
i hated when people called me miss or ma'am or "hey ladies!" like you know when someone comes up--
like the server comes up to your table and they're like "hi ladies! what can i get for you?" i'm like
"...no..."
another defining moment in my self-discovery was actually when my partner was discovering their own
gender identity. i could relate to a lot of the things that they were experiencing and feeling.
and i finally felt, you know, heard and seen. and i was like "oh you feel that way too!?" they would
you know, start talking about their gender and i'd be like "oh my god same... same." i remember my partner
turning to me and being like "keara, sometimes i just feel like a genderless soul." and i was like
*imitates explosion*
same!!! and that's, i think, when i realized like, there isn't just one way to be nonbinary
there isn't just one way to be nonbinary! gender is a huge massive spectrum and it
isn't even just a linear spectrum. i've seen the spectrum being like in a little cube
box thingy. your appearance and your style does not always correlate directly to your gender.
that's what i didn't realize that i needed to wrap my head around, and that really, really helped me
become more confident in my gender identity. people i looked up to started coming out. demi lovato came
out as nonbinary using they/them pronouns. halsey changed their pronouns to she/they. and a bunch
of other, you know, friends and acquaintances, and people i knew, were identifying as she/they. i had
no idea that you could use two pronouns. like you can use three! you can use however many you want!
i didn't realize that. like i thought it was only: you could use she/her, they/them and he/him and
when i realized you could identify with she/they pronouns i was like "wait this feels really good
this feels very validating i really enjoy that" so the first thing i did was change my pronouns
in my instagram bio to she/they. i was seeing a lot of people, you know, change their pronouns
put their pronouns in their bio, you know, be open about that kind of thing and i was like "oh sweet!
this is empowering me to do the same!" so i explored a few different labels. i knew that i was somewhere
on the gender spectrum in the non-binary category, or the non-binary umbrella, but i didn't
know what specific label would pertain to my situation. i was stressing, i was struggling! i was
like "does this mean i'm still non-binary because like i don't experience all the things that some
non-binary people experience, so you know, what does that mean? what does it mean that i still
sometimes enjoy presenting quote-un-quote "feminine" i found the label demigirl. i will put the
definition up on the screen in case you don't know. i really resonated and still resonate with
with demigirl but the reason why i don't identify with it is because not a lot of people know
what it is and what it means. in the future, when i tell people my gender identity and i say
demigirl i would have to explain it pretty much every time. it's not a very known gender identity label
in the general public. like maybe in the queer sphere. in the LGBTQ+ space but in the
general public, people would be like "what?" and i also resonate with the term genderfluid.
i love the term genderfluid and i decided to use the CHERM--
*tongue tied*
i think also more people understand the term genderfluid. it's used more often in society,
in the general public. i feel like my gender changes from day to day, from month to month
even my gender changes within the same day, it feels like. sometimes i'll wake up and be like
i feel like a woman today. i feel good about using she/her pronouns. and then let's say i'm going out
for dinner that night and i'm getting dressed for dinner and i put on something more quote-un-quote
feminine, sometimes i'll be like "oh this feels very uncomfortable. this feels-- i feel a bit um gender
dysphoric in this outfit." whereas other days i feel completely fine in that outfit. so that's what i
mean by, i feel like my gender changes. fluid, you know? and sometimes, someone will refer to
me as they/them and i'll be like "oh weird because i kind of feel like she/her today." or like someone
uses she/her and i'm like "ooh i don't really feel like a woman today um can you please use they/
them?" most days than not, i just want to be kind of ambiguous, like somewhere in the middle. not all the
way at the man's (side of the) spectrum, but just you know fluctuating between the female and the middle of
the chart. i drew a little chart. i know that like, the gender spectrum isn't always like a linear
graph, but i wanted to draw something for you so that you could understand. so this circle is basically
like how i fluctuate from day to day, from month to month. i mainly stay in that like general
circle and the N/A just means like, "none of the above." the N/A is like agender. i'll put
the definition for agender up in case you are not familiar with it. that's where i tend
to fluctuate. some words i'm still okay with using... so for example, like calling myself "willow's mommy"
willow's mommy
or like, "cat mom". my sister will call me "sister." that's fine. "queen"
is sometimes okay but sometimes i prefer "quing". like a queen and a king together. a quing.
that's my new favorite word. but there's some terms that are more gender-neutral that i prefer
using, like "partner", "kid" instead of daughter, "person" instead of girl. i've had days where i don't want
boobs at all... because they make me look like a woman. so i'll just wear like a really tight sports
bra and dress in clothes that are a bit looser fitting that aren't accentuating my body. since
my boobs are really tiny in the first place, it doesn't take much to make them flat, um, thankfully.
and other days i don't mind having the boobs because you know when they are showing they're
not like... too much... there. too-- too obvious-- too-- you know what i mean! sometimes i want to cut my hair
into a pixie cut. actually, i've been wanting to cut my hair into a pixie cut for years now
but at the same time if i do it, i'm gonna miss this hair sometimes, you know what i mean? but
the cool thing about this shag is like, i can kind of make it more androgynous. it's pretty versatile.
it complements my gender identity. but at the end of the day, those are just constructs.
"oh, shorter hair is like a male thing" or like "a masculine thing" and "longer hair is a feminine
thing." i don't believe in those, but i'm just using those as examples. your outward appearance (style)
is your own and it's what makes you most confident. and you know, it's not gonna always coincide
with your gender identity and your sexuality! you can dress however the f*** you want and it does
not have to mean anything about anything, okay? and that, i think, is the moral of my story and that was
the most important concept for me to grasp. this might be an unpopular opinion, people... if someone
misgenders me, i'm not gonna like, make a huge deal out of it and get offended because, you know, in
general, that's still how society looks at things. it's really unfortunate, but it is. the majority of
the people in the world still think, you know, black and white, male and female, feminine equals female
masculine equals male. that's not how my brain works, but i just know that that's how the majority
of the world still works, therefore, when someone misgenders me, i'm not gonna get super upset about
it. i'm definitely gonna get uncomfortable and if it's someone that i know, i'm gonna correct them
and be like "hey i'm actually genderfluid! for the majority of the time to be on the safe side, i do
prefer gender-neutral terms. i do usually prefer they/them pronouns over she/her pronouns and
i really really appreciate if people use both interchangeably when they're talking about me."
like: "i love keara's new outfit. SHE really rocks it. i hope THEY do a fit check on THEIR instagram."
*crickets*
that-- that is a weird example. i hate myself for just using that example. but you know what i mean!
you know what i mean. the people near and dear to me do-- do do that. they DO-DO. they do do that.
let me make it clear that i'm still discovering myself. i believe that my gender is fluid so
it's never gonna be like one thing. i think it's always going to be kind of fluctuating
and i don't want to put my gender in a box. that's why i love the word fluid.
fluid! and also um, i'm pansexual. i--yeah i haven't really said that but um, yeah.
i know that a lot of people are not going to understand this. they're going to be like: "you can't
look like that and not be a woman! AHHH another one of you guys on the internet AH!" or you know: "oh not you!
NOT YOU! unsubscribe." i'm ready. i'm ready for all that and if you don't want to
be here anymore on my channel, it's cool. i think i put off this video because i was
you know, just anticipating the hate comments and i wasn't ready for the hate comments but you know
everyone has their own opinion. i get it, i get it. but i hope that you do have an open mind and
are open to different people's experiences and yeah! this was just my story. i hope it helps a
lot of you. please let me know if it helps because i love reading your comments and being like "oh yay!"
let me know if you want to hear more about my story because i will try and make more videos
on gender if that is what you want. also do you like my pin? i love pronoun pins. normalize
wearing pronoun pins! every time i go out wearing a pronoun pin, i feel like people are like "hi!"
*stares at the pin*
"umm, hi, nice to meet you!" if you enjoyed this video and you want to see more, make sure you like it,
comment down below, and subscribe to my channel! whatever you identify as, i love you and you
are valid and just because there isn't someone on the internet who feels the same way as you,
it doesn't mean you're not valid, just remember that. i love you, see my next video. here's a hug!