So as you may remember, I came out as bisexual last year.
And since then, I have been dating women.
And what I found very fascinating is that the more I date women,
the more I find myself understanding heterosexual men.
Let me explain.
Exhibit A:
I was on a first date with a girl,
who asked me out by the way, this is relevant
because when the check came,
she never once made a move to pay.
Not even like the fake "let me reach for my purse" move.
And though I don't mind paying on a date,
part of me felt like, you know, the offer would have been nice.
I was also a little taken aback that she didn't even say thank you.
AND I never heard from her again.
It really made me feel like she just asked me out so she could have a free dinner.
And the moment I thought that, I was like,
"Oh my god. I sound like all of my guy friends right now."
And my argument against why guys should pay for dates has always been like
Look, girls take hours to get ready.
Our investment is looking really nice for you.
Make up, clothes — that costs money too.
But we were both girls in this situation. We both took hours to get ready.
So I definitely felt slighted.
Exhibit B.
On another day, I went back to a girl's house
and I ended up making friends with her cat.
That's not a pun. I'm talking about her literal actual animal.
And she said,
- Wow!
My cat never likes anyone.
I better go out and buy a wedding dress.
[record scratch] [laughing]
[laughing distorts]
[awkward laugh]
[laughing continues to distort]
And again, I felt like I got some serious perspective.
I have been guilty of making these kinds of jokes on dates with men.
I never really thought anything of it. I was just being silly!
But then when I was on the receiving end of it,
I suddenly understood the panic.
And finally, Exhibit C.
One girl invited me back into her house and her specific words were:
- Do you...
Wanna come in and make out?
Obviously, I'm like, yeah, you're really pretty. I want to press my face to yours.
But then when we got there, we both just sat on the couch
and she talked 'til like... 3 a.m.
And I was like yo girl, I gotta wake up at like 6 a.m.
I was told there would be kisses here, there are no kisses,
And like look, I don't want to sound like an asshole.
Like I don't mind talking, I love talking.
But she could have said:
- Do you wanna come in and just talk?
And I would have had totally different expectations for the evening, you know?
Finally I started falling asleep and I was like,
Hey, I gotta go and I gave her one kiss and... and left.
and I felt sad that the amount of kisses promised
did not equal the amount of kisses delivered.
And once again, I felt like a dude who was upset that I
did not receive the expected physical kisses I was promised.
And I wanted to talk about this because I felt like this has really been
expanding my perspective when it comes to dating.
I finally understand a lot of the complaints my male friends have about dating that,
I admit, I would usually dismiss.
But now I really get it when they say:
- Dating is just so expensive, man.
- Sometimes I feel like that girl doesn't even like me for me.
She just wants like, a boyfriend.
- I wish it were more socially expected to go dutch on the first few dates
But you're like a jerk if you even suggest it.
And any experience that expands your compassion and understanding
is one that I think is worthy of sharing.
So what about you? Have you had any experiences that have
shifted your viewpoint dramatically? Let me know.
I'm Anna Akana, and thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today's video.
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