-After signaling
that they were willing to do anything possible
to sabotage President Joe Biden's agenda,
Senate Republicans are now supposedly upset
that Joe Biden won't work with them.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪
Even as new reported coronavirus infections are dropping,
things are still very bad
and will likely stay that way for a while.
With new, more transmissible variants identified,
at this point, it's a race
between the variants and the vaccines
and, seeing as how the last administration
left the vaccine rollout in chaos,
with some getting tossed in the garbage
and others missing altogether, there's a lot of work to do.
I mean, the Trump administration passed on the opportunity
to buy more vaccine when they had it.
Such a simple solution, and they just missed it.
If Trump ever tried an escape room,
they'd just find a skeleton slumped over the first clue.
"Jesus! He's only been in there for an hour."
Seriously, what was their plan,
send everyone a tin of Altoids
filled with hydroxychloroquine,
wait for Redditors to drive up Pfizer's stock price?
"Mr. President, why did you short
a million dollars' worth of Pfizer stock?"
[ As Trump ] I'm waiting for those GameStop nerds to drive up the price.
"But you're supposed to buy it, not short it."
Oh, no!
[ Laughter ] Oh, no!
Oh, quick. Call my broker.
"Who's your broker?"
[ As Trump ] Okay, I'm going to tell you,
but no judgment.
It's Rudy. [ Laughter ]
I think he might be bad at this, too.
I told him to short GameStop and he showed up like this.
They don't sell those shorts.
He went out and had them made.
[ Laughter ]
Also, how does a lifesaving vaccine just go missing?
If Trump were part of an elite heist squad
that stole the Hope Diamond,
he'd immediately stuff it in his pocket,
forget about it, and then throw it in the toll basket
with the rest of his change.
[ As Trump ] Alright, guys, good news, bad news.
Bad news -- I lost the diamond.
Good news is I've decided to get E-ZPass,
which I think is going to be helpful for future heists.
Also bad news -- I think I threw my driver's license
in with the diamond, so,
stay away from the safe house, guys.
States have begging the federal government for more vaccine,
which the Trump administration just didn't provide,
but, now, just a week into the Biden administration,
significant progress has already been made.
-Big announcement from the Biden administration today.
They say they have purchased
200 million additional vaccine doses,
which will be delivered over the summer,
providing the U.S. with enough doses
to vaccinate a total of 300 million Americans.
-Wait, so it was possible to buy more vaccine
this whole time, and Trump just didn't do it?
What else was he doing, having his gloves tightened?
Was he working on his Jerry Lewis impression?
-We're going to walk down to the [ raises voice ] Capitol!
[ Laughter ]
-Real nice find, Baze.
I thought the one thing Trump was good at
was buying things with money that wasn't technically his.
I guess that explains
that famous passage in "The Art of the Deal"...
Biden announced the plan to buy more vaccine on Tuesday
and gave the American people a rough timeline
of when they could expect the doses to arrive.
-So today I'm directing
COVID-19 Response Coordinator Jeff Zients, here,
to work with the Department of Health and Human Services
and increase our total supply
of vaccine for the American people.
That's 100 million more doses of Pfizer
and 100 million more doses of Moderna --
200 million more doses
than the federal government had previously secured.
We expect these additional 200 million doses
to be delivered this summer.
-So the president did a competent thing
to address the crisis, announced it in clear
and simple terms Americans could understand,
and he offered a rough timetable,
so he could be held accountable,
and he did it without barking at reporters
next to a worrying helicopter about how some random celebrity
was nice to him in 1987 or whatever.
[ As Trump ] Jack Nicklaus, "The Golden Bear."
Never met a chip shot he couldn't make.
Real son of a bitch.
Nasty guy.
Nice to me, though.
Heard they call him "The Bear" because he [bleep] in the woods.
[ Laughter ]
A lot of people are saying it.
[ Laughter ]
Look, Joe Biden is inevitably going to make mistakes,
as all presidents do,
and there will be times when we'll have to push him
on progressive priorities and hold him accountable,
but with all that said, it's just a relief
to have competent administration of government again.
People just want things to work.
Instead, Republicans intentionally wreck things,
so they can turn around and say,
"Look, government is bad. We should cut it."
Ted Cruz basically says, every day --
[ As Cruz ] Do you really want a man like me
making decisions for you?
A man who, every morning, puts glue on his face,
then walks to the nearest barber
and rubs his cheeks in the clippings."
And, now, Republicans are eager to let Trump off the hook
for inciting a violent mob to overrun the Capitol
because he's popular with GOP voters.
That's basically the point Lindsey Graham tried to make
in an interview last night on Fox News.
♪♪
-Here, now, Senator Lindsey Graham.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Was that a a pick, Lindsey,
or were you doing a last-minute coronavirus test?
[ As Graham ] Dang, I forgot my swab.
Good thing I was born with ten of them.
Or maybe that was just the last place left
he hadn't checked for his conscience.
I mean, what were you going to do with it, anyway, keep it?
[ Graham ] When I find a good one, I keep it as a pet.
This one's Bessie over here,
this one's Clyde, and this one's
Braxton Beauregard Bridgerton III.
He's my best friend.
Mama, when Daddy gets back,
I'm going to show him my booger collection.
What?!
What do you mean, he's not coming back?
Why?
Because of the booger collection.
Well, I miss you, Daddy, but I made my choice!
[ Laughter ]
I forgot why I was even going to play that clip.
Oh, right. The day before that, on Tuesday,
Lindsey Graham had a bone to pick
if Democrats call witnesses in the impeachment trial
and then threaten to prolong the proceedings.
-If there's an effort by the Democrats
to call a single witness in the United States Senate
that had no record in the House,
there will be delay of this trial.
There will be a Pandora's box being opened.
We will want witnesses
and this thing will go on for weeks, if not months.
-Oh, no, don't do that. Witnesses? In a trial?
What's next, evidence?
Lindsey Graham is so bad at threatening things,
I wouldn't be surprised if he backed his way
into calling Trump to the stand.
[ As Graham ] If Democrats insist on calling witnesses,
we'll have no choice but to call our own witnesses,
like Donald Trump himself.
How would they like that?
They'd love it? Why?
Because he will most certainly incriminate himself?
[ Laughing ] Oh, Braxton Beauregard Bridgerton III,
I have done it again!
Back in your menagerie!
[ Laughter ]
In fact, a thorough trial that brings out all the evidence
would be a good thing!
It was a violent insurrection to overthrow democracy,
the first time the Capitol's been breached in 200 years.
Nearly 140 police officers were injured during the riot.
And you guys, supposedly the pro-police party
of law and order, want to just move on and forget about it.
Every time anyone tries to investigate Trump,
you react like parents trying to wrap presents
in the basement on Christmas morning.
Don't come down here!
Mommy and Daddy are [ Mumbling ]
having sex! "Jesus, Steve.
That just makes it worse."
I didn't know what to say. I panicked.
But, should we?
"No!" [ Laughter ]
Impeachment aside, Republicans have pledged
to do everything possible
to stonewall and sabotage Biden's agenda,
despite the fact that 50 Senate Republicans
represent 41 million fewer Americans
than the 50 Senate Democrats, not to mention,
they lost the House by a record margin in 2018
and their presidential candidate lost
by over seven million votes in 2020.
They just lost two seats at the same time in Georgia,
a longtime red state.
And, yet, instead of reflecting
on how thoroughly they've been rejected by voters, and why,
Republicans are actually pretending to be upset
the Democrats won't work with them.
"There's frustration on the Republican side
that Biden, Chuck Schumer, and Democrats appear headed
toward taking a one-party approach to Covid relief."
Oh, I'm so sorry you're frustrated.
I mean, my goodness, we wouldn't want to upset
noted advocate of bipartisanship Mitch McConnell,
who I'm sure is sitting by a rain-soaked window,
silently staring out into the distance,
wondering why no one across the aisle will work with him,
only to remember that he's a coldblooded assassin
who destroys all opposition in his path,
and only then will he smile.
Seriously, when you were in power,
you steamrolled Democrats every chance you got --
you nuked the filibuster for Supreme Court nominees,
you tried to ram through a last-minute Obamacare repeal
without so much as a hearing,
and you literally scribbled changes
into the margins of a massive corporate tax cut
in the middle of the night, like a drunk
writing his number down on a bar napkin.
"Why don't you call me sometime?"
Sir, you're talking to the jukebox.
2020 was the worst year for economic growth
since World War II. Millions are unemployed,
losing their health insurance, and falling into poverty,
as child hunger rises to unprecedented levels.
It's the worst national catastrophe in a century
and it requires immediate action.
We don't have time to indulge feigned victimhood
and wounded egos of Republican senators.
Thankfully, Democrats seem to understand
the urgency of the moment and are moving quickly.
Today, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer
promised bold action and said
slimming down the COVID relief package would be irresponsible.
And incoming Senate Budget Committee Chairman Bernie Sanders
had said he has no qualms using budget reconciliation,
a method that requires only 51 votes,
to pass a massive relief bill.
-Reconciliation, which is a Senate rule,
was used by the Republicans under Trump
to pass massive tax breaks
for the rich and large corporations.
It was used as an attempt
to repeal the Affordable Care Act.
And what we are saying is,
"You used it for that. That's fine.
"You did it. We're going to do it,
but we're going to do it to protect ordinary people,
not just the rich and the powerful."
Did I criticize Republicans?
Yeah, for using reconciliation to give tax breaks
to billionaires, to create a situation
where large, profitable corporations
now pay zero in federal income taxes.
Yes, I did criticize them for that.
And, if they want to criticize me
for helping to feed children who are hungry,
or senior citizens in this country
who are isolated and alone and don't have enough food,
they can criticize me.
-Yeah, I have a feeling GOP criticism
doesn't make much of a dent in Bernie Sanders.
Bernie, you're going to wear
those mittens to the inauguration?
[ As Sanders ] You're damn right. These mittens are warm.
And, when you freeze to death,
I'm going to wear these mittens to your funeral.
I'm going to comfort your widow with these mittens.
They're there, I'll say. Now move!
Bernie knows how to harness that Grandpa energy for good.
[ As Sanders ] You had the remote all morning
and you used it to watch cartoons.
That's fine, but, now, it's my turn.
And I'm going to use it to watch my cooking program on PBS,
called...
[ Laughter ]
This should be the message -- the days of complicated,
Rube Goldberg legislation,
where you provide tax incentives for job retraining,
for workforce reentry subsidies,
or whatever the hell Democrats used to talk about, are over.
Keep it simple and make it sound good.
Do it like Republicans do it.
They'll write a bill that makes food illegal
and call it the Feed America bill.
Republicans use their time in power
to dole out tax cuts for the rich.
Democrats should use it to feed children and the elderly
and then, they can pay for it
by taxing corporations, billionaires,
and all the gold Lindsey Graham digs up in his -- you know.
Massive, immediate relief and large structural change
are required to improve people's lives
and fix our deeply broken system.
We don't have time to entertain the bad faith of Republicans,
who obviously have no interest in doing anything about it.
Democrats need to move fast and ignore objections
from Republicans intent on stonewalling.
Otherwise, negotiations over the relief bill will...
-Go on for weeks, if not months.
-This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪
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