- Oh my god and his head goes through the walls!
What is happening?
I got to check out the worst rated medical games.
I did it last year
and I want to see if anyone's learned any lessons.
You with me?
(makes laser impersonations)
We found our first victim, Kids Doctor Clinic.
One review, Two stars.
Free. Weird icon.
I'm clicking on it.
"Let play baby kids doctor clinic game.
"Kid Doctor Clinic is a game that make you a doctor.
"We promise to create good app for kids every week.
"Thank you so much."
I think the problem here is
is they're creating a new app every week.
Perhaps take a month.
Let it, y'know, test it a little bit.
It's definitely going to hack into my phone
and steal my credit card information or something,
but let's see.
I love that on the bottom there's ads
for a malpractice suits.
Philadelphia Injury Attorney.
What child is clicking on this?
Alright, there's a child here.
I have a thermometer.
I have what looks like a tongue depressor,
a stethoscope, and a flashlight.
I don't know why there's a flashlight.
In case there's a blackout?
Thermometer says...
Thermometer didn't say anything.
What is going on?
You click the flashlight and you look inside its mouth
and there's a little devil in there.
There's an octopus inside this child's mouth.
Oh you could wipe the baby's tears
and it makes a really awkward sound when you do.
There's no learning. There's no doing.
There's literally just, like, you're clicking buttons.
And there's so many malpractice ads on this game,
it's kind of frightening to me.
Are adults playing this?
Why?
(laughs)
Bear, come play this game with me, buddy.
It's called Little Bear Hospital, doctor game for kids.
Come up here.
"Hey, little bear doctor, our animal friends are sick now.
"Please help to treat them with advanced medical facilities
"and comfortable environment."
No, you don't care?
Bear, It's not recognizing my face 'cause you're licking me.
Ah, now I have to enter my password.
It won't even load.
It's seriously not loading.
It is good music, though.
(cheerful folk music)
Seems like Russian music.
No, I don't want notifications from the Crazy Hospital.
Alright, we have Charlie age, 28 years old.
Oh, Charlie's a little creepy.
"It looks like Charlie has had a terrible reaction
"to something he ate.
"His face has loads of spots as a result.
"Use a spot cream to clear up those spots,
"then perform a general checkup."
Well, medically, this is a little inaccurate.
If a patient came in
and was having allergic reaction as to something they ate,
facial swelling could be an early form of anaphylaxis.
You may need to administer an EpiPen.
Also, do you want to put topical steroids on the face?
If it's short term and under careful eye of a doctor, maybe.
I don't know. Let's see.
Let's see how I can treat this gentleman's face.
(anguished groans)
(scoffs) Okay there, buddy.
See these don't look like hives.
These look like infected postules.
I would treat these with antibiotics.
(groans)
(sneezes) Oh sir, cover your mouth!
It's COVID!
Is this a toothbrush?
I'm gonna brush his teeth.
Whoa, those are some bad teeths.
Sir, you have plaque.
We need to get it out.
You want to brush your teeth like you're brushing a tomato.
Not too hard.
A dentist told me that.
Oh cool, he has fungus on his nails,
but I'm just clipping them.
Giving him a manicure.
Oh, do you know what I'm doing here?
He has an infected hair follicles,
so I'm pulling those hairs.
It feels like a beauty treatment
more than a hospital visit though, I'm not gonna lie.
"Use the ice cold Enswell to heal this nasty bruise."
Oh man, I wish cold just heels bruises this quickly.
Unfortunately it takes some days to clear up a bruise.
A bruise is essentially broken blood vessels
underneath the skin
and you can't just make that disappear overnight.
Alright, now I get why this game has three and a half stars.
It's not terrible,
although I just don't understand
why it's making me do certain things.
Like he came out with a rash on his face
and here I am cutting his fingernails
and brushing his teeth.
"Beans, beans, the musical fruit.
"The more you eat, the more you toot.
"I think our brave pirate Jack needs a tummy rub
"to get rid of that wind after eating all those beans.
"Rub Jack's stomach to help him ease the wind that he has."
This is awkward.
And there's a giant hand.
(flatulent emissions)
I just had to massage a Pirate's belly as he moaned
and I heard squirting noises to help him pass wind.
Clearly someone's taking advantage
of the universal healthcare system, wherever that was.
Wait, what?
Little Ed's Junior Gym Doctor?
"Gym is the perfect place to get the proper fitness tips
"to keep our body more beautiful and more shining.
"In this Little Ed's Junior Gym Doctor game,
"you can perform tons of gyming exercises like boxing,
weightlifting, dumbbells, starching balls."
(laughs) I'm gonna play this game for one reason.
I need to know what starching balls is.
(energetic electronic music)
Oh, I'm going to put him on the stationary bike.
Oh, you could actually like make him do it.
He's in the doctor's office now.
These are Band-Aids?
But what's wrong with his leg?
Sorry, Little Ed.
I'm not a fan.
I like your pink bike though.
"Accident reported. Go to the place.
"Provide them first aid."
(sirens blaring)
Oh my god, is this like one of those?
Oh, it's not a bad driving simulator actually.
I mean, you just go straight.
Oh!
"Patient looks in pain.
"Give him first aid ASAP."
Why is the paramedic or EMT in scrubs and a face mask?
Maybe 'cause it's COVID.
Why is the patient on the floor?
You need a back brace. You need to do ABCs.
C'mon man, this is a trauma!
"Take the patient to the hospital."
No problem.
Again, hospital is straight ahead.
Clearly they did not design a map here.
Whoa!
I've crashed this ambulance two times.
Time to walk this patient in.
(laughs) Oh my god!
This looks like he's just floating.
Oh my god and his head goes through the walls!
What is happening?
Oh, there's footsteps.
But where's my patient's head?
He looks decapitated.
Whoa, why is there a sniper?
Oh, that's another game.
"Press button to start surgery."
Oh, start surgery.
Antiseptic ball.
Okay. "Good job.
"Apply cotton on finger."
"Great work. Now apply sanitizer strips on wound."
I don't know what those sanitizer wipes were,
and that cuts not really on his finger.
So instead of putting the cut on his finger,
they just put it on the bed.
Alright this game gets a this game gets a (raspberry)
for accuracy, but not bad in terms of game development.
If I was going to develop my own game,
maybe I'll hit 'em up.
Swineflu Prevention-Pig Game.
It's made by a person named Pig Shooter.
"Hello Friends!"
Space, exclamation point.
"We are here to introduce you
"a swine flu prevention pig game.
"Swine flu prevention pig game!" exclamation point
"is a game that help you handle disease
"like swine flu in a funny way" dot dot, dot.
(muffled owl hoots)
Those are owls!
You're using the wrong animal noise.
Do I have IgA Nephropathy?
What is with these medical ads?
There's a little heart at the top of the screen
that says video ads.
Who just wants to see video ads?
Who would just be like, you know what,
I'm cool playing this game,
but let me see those video ads real quick.
Cut the infected pig.
(gasps) This is like Fruit Ninja!
Oh my god, this is weird.
I'm playing Fruit Ninja with pigs.
(gasps) That wasn't an infected pig!
I cut the wrong pig!
"Real doctor hates this game."
Wow, it's freezing my phone.
Oh my god.
Sick Baby Care- A little doctor.
Little doctor.
"Sick baby care is a new addition
"to baby care doctor salon game.
"If you love baby doctor care new baby
"and doctor kid salon games,
"then you are surely going to enjoy this game.
"Treat this little girl in the game.
"She just ate dirty food,
"which is not good for health and got sick.
"It's time to treat her
"and give her first aid since she is crying.
"Take her to the doctor clinic.
"Check her temperature, pulse, and blood pressure.
"Once done, give her appropriate medicine.
"Make her smile again by treating her the right way."
Okay?
There's a young woman/child sitting in front
of what looks like to be a Big Mac and fries and a beer?
She shouldn't be drinking a beer.
I have to feed it to her.
"Mom, I am feeling sick."
Well, obviously the doctor just fed you a burger.
"Check the temperature and heartbeat."
"Give her injection."
God, the grammar in these games!
(laughs)
Great sound effects, too.
"Give her medicine."
I always wonder what kind of injections
are they giving to these children?
It's giving her three pills.
That's a lot of pills.
They just shoot into her mouth from the thing.
"Give her syrup and wipe her tears."
Oh look, I'm wiping her tears.
This is the worst wiping of the tears I've ever seen.
Only in a game do you have to do this to someone's face
to wipe their tears.
For me you go like this, tears wipe.
For this baby.
"Yupeei! Thanks doctor.
"I am fine now."
That's the entire game?
"Who made you and why?
"Wow."
Oh my god, I have the full name of the game
now that I'm ready to delete it.
"Delete Sick Baby Care-
A little doctor first aid salon
and baby hospital care game?"
Where was there a little baby in the first place?
I was treating a teenager!
Please give me suggestions for more games to play.
I heard that Surgeon Simulator
may be having something new come out soon on the grapevine
and I'm excited about that,
but if you have any bad games for me to play
that you come across,
definitely let me know in the comments as well.
And don't forget to check out my Patreon
that's listed down below.
I have two hilarious videos for you to watch here,
memes and the onion.
Which one you watchin'?
As always, stay happy and healthy.
(hypnotic EDM music)