We live in the most connected time that our civilization has ever seen.
An age where information is shared almost instantaneously, where you can transfer knowledge,
data - even a selfie, thousands of miles across the planet with merely the click of a button.
You can send it to your mum, to your best friend - to your classmates - or with enough
computing power, every single person on the planet that owns a digital device.
You might want to ask yourself, why would everyone on Earth want to see your face?
Well, they wouldn’t - and everyone would be mildly perturbed, just like when U2 made
everyone listen to their album without asking first.
But if that selfie was of SCP-096 - then it would be a whole different story.
Hello internet - and welcome back to the most inquisitive channel on YouTube - Life’s
Biggest Questions.
As always, I’ll be your disembodied floating voice Jack Finch - as we cautiously ask the
question - What If SCP-096 Was Real?
Now - I can’t remember that proverb about grandmothers and eggs, but if you know anything
about the SCP Foundation - you’ll know that SCP-096 is perhaps the poster child of the
entire bizarre and anomalous fictional multiverse, and it’s safe to say that he - or, well
- It? - has their fair share of equally terrified fans and followers.
This guy has been around since the early days of the foundation - and we’ve had quite
a number of years to ponder what our planet would be like if he was real.
Spoilers - it ain’t too good.
Before we reluctantly lay out that hypothetical apocalyptic scenario, you know the drill by
now questioneers - if you’re a fan of this video, the SCP Foundation - figuring out bizarre
ways that the world will end - or just Life’s Biggest Questions in general - then please,
be a dear and hit that thumbs up button, as well as that subscribe bell so you can stay
up to date with our latest and greatest uploads.
Also - make sure to stick around till the end of the video - where I’ll be reading
out some of your more humours comments from the past few days.
On with the show.
First - let’s get the formalities out of the way.
As the record states, SCP-096 is a humanoid Euclid class creature measuring approximately
2.38 meters in height.
The creature appears to exhibit very little muscle mass - with preliminary analysis of
body mass suggesting mild malnutrition.
Its arms are grossly out of proportion with the rest of the subject’s body - with an
approximate length of 1.5 meters each.
It’s skin is mostly devoid of pigmentation, with no sign of any body.
Nothing too scary about this little twerp, right?
Ehh - well, the thing that makes 096 the infamous nightmare inducing creature that it is - is
the fact that whenever someone looks at it - it proceeds to enter a frenzied, unstoppable
state of emotional distress - and then kills and consumes said person.
With a 100% success rate.
And nothing can stop it.
Literally, nothing - not even the strongest and most technologically advanced material
known to civilization.
The Foundation’s only line of containment is to keep it in a windowless steel cube and
they go to great lengths to make sure no one catches a glimpse of The Shy Guy.
And this is where our question lies - because we have to make it clear that by glimpse,
we mean that 096 is triggered by any physical viewership.
It doesn’t matter if you see it in person, on a video surveillance screen - or even a
photograph of it - it knows when you look at it - and then you die.
Eventually, it might take it a while to get to you.
Although, it is important to note that the same reaction doesn’t occur when viewing
artistic depictions, thanks to a brave D-Class Personnel that managed to scrawl a picture
of it before he met his demise - so you’re fine viewing this video - don’t worry - 096
won’t get you yet.
But - like we said at the beginning of this video, we live in a highly connected era of
humanity - and something as simple as a photograph would be easier to spread than chicken pox
in a playground.
As we’ve already stated, 096 is a bit of a pain in the arse for the Foundation - and
depending on which canon you prescribe to - they may have already killed it, but that’s
no fun, right?
So in this hypothetical scenario - let’s imagine that the Foundation has lost containment
control of this anomalous entity - and instead, it’s in the possession of say… a rogue
nation?
A group of politically motivated terrorists?
Doomsday Hackers?
Wait - what’s a doomsday hacker?
Because let’s put it this way - if SCP-096 was real - it would be the most resourceful
and successful means for assassination, and in the wrong hands - it would be the most
powerful weapon on the planet.
Albeit a little messy.
And incredibly dangerous - but yeah, if those two adjectives aren’t synonymous with assassination
then it’s no ones business.
It would be the literal equivalent of targeting a city with a missile - just with more death
and less explosions.
Picture this - you’re on the bus downtown, minding your own business - when all of a
sudden your phone starts buzzing.
And then the person's next to you - and then the drivers - and then everyone on the bus
and the street.
You open the notification, and it’s a photograph of SCP-096.
Everyone sees the same thing.
The whole city exposed to The Shy Guy - and that’s the end of that, because as we stated
- SCP-096 has a 100% kill rate.
If this anomalous entity was real - then the best thing you could do is instantly disconnect
yourself from society.
Throw your phone in a lake.
Burn your TV to the ground.
Never look back.
Read a book - no pictures though.
The threat level of being exposed to a visual image of SCP-096 would be too damn high in
our current model of society and technological interaction.
It would work its way through the system like a virus - but instead of just an annoying
barrage of pop-up adds for mail order brides or penis enhancement pills - it would be the
last image you would ever see.
The Shy Guy - front and center on the global stage.
The headline act.
It would be enough to completely shut down the internet - with the ultimate goal of saving
humanity from itself.
Sometimes a blue link should stay a blue link - and never a purple link.
Sometimes a dead meme - should stay - a dead meme.
Well, there we have it folks, a bleak picture painted if SCP-096 was real.
Let’s thank our lucky stars that he’s not.
Or is he?
Anyway folks - cheers for sticking around all the way till the end.
Before we depart, let’s read out some of your greatest comments from the past few days.
KingBongHogger says - Seriously though, why do bagel have hole?
I know right?
I’m still asking that same question - and also, this is now my second favourite YouTube
comment of all time.
Good job again.
Imogen Bateman says - What if my comments were read out?
Well - that was a short video, cheers for the material Imogen Bateman.
That was easier that I expected.
Anyway folks - that’s all we’ve got time for in today’s LBQ.
As always, I’ve been your disembodied floating voice Jack Finch - you’ve been watching
Life’s Biggest Questions - and until next time - you take it easy.