hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about seven steps to get over a
breakup easily now let's begin number one stop distracting yourself in the wake of a breakup you
might try to smother your feelings by constantly distracting yourself you might suddenly adopt a
bunch of new hobbies spend way too much time with your friends or try to bury yourself in your work
you find yourself doing anything and everything to avoid thinking about your ex but you know what
happens when you stop what happens when you run out of distractions well your ex is almost always
the very first thing on your mind distractions do work for some things they help you avoid cravings
and resist the urge to be lazy but when it comes to relationships there's one big problem when you
distract yourself you aren't actually processing your grief you're just running away from the issue
it's no different than stuffing those negative feelings way deep down you might feel better
in the moment but those feelings didn't disappear they'll slowly but surely rise back to the surface
because you never tried to reconcile what went wrong but how do we know distractions don't work
well breakups are so specific and diverse that they can be a challenging subject to study but
in 2018 a group of researchers put the power of distractions to the test they looked at different
ways to reduce feelings of love after a breakup so they gathered a sample of people who had just
ended their relationships and they tried out three different cognitive strategies negative
appraisal self-acceptance and distraction it turns out distraction was one of the most effective
strategies for short-term relief but it was completely useless over time once that distraction
faded people felt just as much love for their ex as they did before in other words distractions
won't help you move on from your relationships so instead of avoiding your negative feelings try to
unravel them let yourself be sad allow yourself to grieve it helps to sit down with a friend or
family member and really hash it out try your best to get to the root of the breakup and what you're
worried about moving forward because the only way to get past those deeper issues is to acknowledge
that they do exist number two sever connections an object can carry a lot more emotional weight than
most people think a shirt for example can take you back to a vacation with someone you love a
trinket might transport you to a Christmas that you spend together on the surface yeah they're
just random objects but they contain all kinds of memories and strong feelings after a breakup
the last thing you want is a constant reminder of the love you once shared so get rid of those
sentimental items it's time to sever any and all physical connections with your ex because each
time you glance over at that little trinket on your shelf or wear that t-shirt you've bought on
vacation you're gonna fall back into the same old patterns you'll remember the person you lost and
you'll get stuck in the same rut all because you weren't ready to make a clean break it's time to
open up a new chapter in your life but to do that you need to put the past behind you you need to
put the entire past behind you not just the bad stuff but the good stuff too even if you aren't
ready to throw those gifts away at least get them out of your sight put them in storage or bury them
somewhere in your closet the point is to get those reminders out of your life because the longer you
look at them the longer it's going to take to move on number three paint a complete picture so
many people idealize their ex after a big breakup they remember everything they're missing out on
all their best qualities all the fun things that you used to do together they imagine this picture
perfect image of their partner but they forget one beer important thing there was a reason you
broke up your ex wasn't perfect they had flaws and shortcomings just like everybody else when
looking back on your relationship you need to paint a complete picture that means remembering
the good and the bad because when you idealize your partner those lingering feelings will stick
around a lot longer than they need to and to make matters worse idealizing someone will also
convince you that you've made a horrible mistake that your breakup was the worst decision you ever
made but that couldn't be further from the truth so many couples fall back into old relationships
out of pure guilt only to break up weeks or even days later so don't make this same mistake if you
want to get over a past relationship then you need to stop idealizing the person and you need
to see things the way they really were number 4 contemplate your health after an emotional
breakup there's one thing you can say for sure for one reason or another your ex was just not
right for you they might have put you down or made you feel insecure maybe your ex couldn't
accept some big part of your personality or they might have tried to tear you away from your family
my point here is that your ex was a problem they were making you a less healthy person and that
means your breakup no matter who started it will be one of the healthiest things that has ever
happened to you so go back and reflect on all the reasons why your ex was a bad fit for you
not only is reflection extremely therapeutic but it also gives you hope it helps you figure
out what kind of person you really want to be with and it shows you just how many new doors
are waiting to be opened number five control your sleep after a breakup your sleep schedule often
takes a turn for the worse either you sleep too little trimming your usual eight hours down to a
measly five or six or you sleep way too much and feel perpetually tired throughout the day both of
these changes to your sleep schedule will have a serious impact on you and your ability to move on
because unhealthy sleep patterns keep your mood down your energy drained and your enthusiasm at
an all-time low that's just what happens when you don't get enough sleep an easy way to move past
a breakup is to keep your sleep schedule under control make sure you're getting at least eight
hours every night not two hours less and not two hours more even if you're feeling exhausted you
can't let yourself keep sleeping more sleep isn't going to fix that constant feeling of
fatigue because you're not actually tired it's just that your brain is emotionally worn down
since the break-up it's been overwhelmed by stress and strong emotions so your brain is going to
have trouble getting started like it normally does that's why the best thing you can do is stick to a
balanced sleep schedule and to force your brain to follow suit if you can keep that up you'll have a
much easier time getting back to normal number six reboot your routines your sleep schedule isn't the
only routine that flies off the rails good habits like eating healthy and exercising regularly tend
to fall by the wayside why well because it's hard to feel motivated and disciplined after a breakup
it takes a lot of self-control to keep up those healthy routines but emotional fatigue throws
self-control out the window so it becomes harder and harder to push yourself in the right direction
your partner might have also become ingrained into your daily habits you might have cooked together
or gone to the gym together you might have gotten used to doing your routines with your partner at
your side and now that they're gone everything feels different and you can't motivate yourself
to keep going if this sounds like you it's time to reboot your routines it's time to give them a
complete overhaul to change up the time of day when you go to the gym maybe or start doing a
whole new set of exercises and at home just try cooking dishes you've never made before
and find new people to enjoy your healthy routines with think of these habits like any other object
that your ex left behind to move on you need to sever those connections you need to get rid of
everything that reminds you of your ex so reboot your routines and give your healthy lifestyle a
fresh start number seven rediscover yourself so the last step of getting over a breakup is
to think of your breakup as an opportunity you can use all that time and energy to rediscover
yourself to find the version of you that existed before the relationship the you that wasted hours
on random personal projects the you that didn't have to cater to anyone except yourself but while
you're rediscovering yourself there's one very important thing to remember you need to stay
single after a breakup many people fill that void by jumping into another relationship a new partner
might make you feel better at first but this relationship is just a distraction and it's going
to hurt you in the long run because you're not giving yourself the chance to enjoy your freedom
embrace your real passions or love yourself as a single self-reliant person hey thank you for
watching Top think and be sure to subscribe because more incredible content is on the way