A big thank you to Squarespace for being today’s sponsor and for helping me build my new website.
More on that later.
So, this is kind of a weird topic for me, because it’s almost like being a potato
and someone going “how are you so… potato-y?” and you’re just like “I don’t know,
I’m just that potato-y and I don’t really know of anything else?”.
Yep, that’s sort of what it feels like when people ask me “how are you always so calm?”—because
it feels like I’ve always been this way, although it’s been more so that people have
pointed it out to me rather than me realizing it myself. But I haven’t, in fact, always
been this way, not exactly.
It’s taken a major shift in mindset and quite a bit of work to get to this stage of...
calmness. collectedness, chillness, coolness—all the good big C’s of our world.
So, at this very moment, for example, my camera charger is missing, and I’ve been looking
for it since yesterday. The battery is at about 11 % charged, which is enough to film
this segment right here and likely another minute or two. I’m a bit frustrated with
myself for not putting it back where it belongs in the first place, because, had I done that,
I wouldn’t have been in this situation right now.
But, as far as I’m aware, screaming and throwing things around doesn’t magically
summon missing objects. The only way to potentially find it is to keep looking for it, one drawer
at the time without creating any unnecessary mess, while also keeping my blood pressure
steady. If it does remain lost despite my efforts to find it, the only practical solution
will be to simply go and buy a new one.
And it’s not about keeping emotions inside and torturing yourself. It’s about picking
your battles carefully and choosing your words. Figuring out what the appropriate response
to a given situation is to avoid making a habit out of destructive behaviours and thought
patterns.
See, even if I am freaking out about something on the inside, whether in a good way or in
a bad way, majority of the time, I’ll probably still look like I’m sitting on a yacht with
the wind blowing in my hair. And quite honestly, this has gotten me in... I wouldn’t say
trouble, but it’s gotten my peers to question how I really feel sometimes, because my lack
of reaction can sometimes be perceived as indifference.
And to be completely transparent, I’ve sometimes had to ask myself if I’m just being apathic.
The nihilist in me says yes, but then I remember crying over bruised tomatoes and the excruciating
feeling of guilt every time I need to separate vegetables from their friends and family at
the grocery store. So, yeah, pretty positive it has nothing to do with apathy.
I think I’m just constantly torn between “every single little thing matters and will
trigger my anxiety” and “literally nothing matters—we’re just a tiny piece of insignificant
dust and none of this will ever be important in the grand scheme of things anyway”. And
that’s not meaning it in a nihilistic way, but rather in the way that there’s no need
to get too worked up when things don’t go the way we want them to.
Let’s take arguments for example.
Just ask yourself this, when was the last time you actually listened to a person who
was yelling and took them seriously? In my experience, letting anger get the best of
you to the point where you express yourself aggressively or disrespectfully, tends to
only make you lose your credibility, and it often times makes you look like a fool. Or
how about this, can you remember a time where getting loud and vulgar has benefitted you
or the situation in any way? Perhaps you can, I for sure cannot.
If there’s anything I’ve learned, getting unreasonably worked up just delays everything.
A problem that could’ve been solved in five minutes is likely to remain unresolved for
much longer than that, not only because no one is listening, but also, because the focus
tends to shift from the issue at hand to the frustration and resentment that builds up
when having to deal with someone who’s speaking to you impolitely, or even irrationally. What
were we even arguing about?
Also, practicing keeping your cool is not only doing your own peace a favour, but it’s
also doing a favour to the peace of those around you. If I get overly worked up every
time something stresses me out, like, let’s say, not finding my charger, that’ll affect
those around me as well. And although some of us are more tempered and less patient by
nature, or by the way the chemical-cocktail in our brain is wired, I do believe it’s
our liability to at the very least do our best to lessen the suffering of both ourselves
and of those who have to live with us. And that’s not to say that you should keep your
emotions to yourself and be afraid to express them, not at all, I just think it’s important
to gain a healthy sense of perspective.
It’ll make you better equipped for keeping your cool when shit hits the fan, or even
when it doesn’t.
Now the obvious way to gain perspective is through life experiences, but let’s take
a moment to appreciate the mind transforming powers of certain books. We are currently
reading Cosmos by Carl Sagan for our book club (link in bio on how to join) and it’s
reinforced something that I keep reminding myself of—we are so small.
In the words of Sagan himself, "We inhabit a universe where atoms are made in the centres
of stars; where each second a thousand suns are born; where life is sparked by sunlight
and lightning in the airs and waters of youthful planets; where the raw material for biological
evolution is sometimes made by the explosion of a star halfway across the Milky Way; where
a thing as beautiful as a galaxy is formed a hundred billion times - a Cosmos of quasars
and quarks, snowflakes and fireflies, where there may be black holes and other universe
and extra-terrestrial civilizations whose radio messages are at this moment reaching
the Earth. How pallid by comparison are the pretensions of superstition and pseudoscience;
how important it is for us to pursue and understand science, that characteristically human endeavour.”
Wow. Do you still feel like suffering because of that dude who left you on read after hearing
that? Or any of the other trivial things that are causing you suffering right now. Perhaps
you do. I cried once because we were out of bananas and I really wanted a peanut butter
banana sandwich. It happens. We’re humans. But in the grand scheme of things, most of
it is trivial and simply not worth it.
Now, besides gaining a sense of perspective, you could also just do things that are calming,
like, gardening, talking long walks, or building a website with Squarespace, which is today’s
sponsor.
So I often get messages from people who are artists, writers, musicians, entrepreneurs,
YouTubers, who share their work with me—or from people who want to start blogging or
create their own space and community online-- and then when I go to check them out they
often times don’t have a website.. And every single time, I think to myself, why don’t
they have a website, why don’t they get their stuff out there? I think having your
own website can only benefit you, regardless of the current size of your audience or spectators.
And creating one is so easy.
A few months back, I published my very own site. And up until that point, I had thought
that creating a website would take too much time and work, but with Squarespace, it really
didn’t. I just picked one of their beautiful and professional templates and started building
a site that I felt suited me.
And now, I have shared all my favourite books and camera gear on there, I have connected
my social media, I get close insights to the traffic on the site and so much more.
To try it out yourself, head to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you’re ready to
launch, go to https://squarespace.com/lanablakely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website
or domain.
Thank you so much again to Squarespace for being today’s sponsor.
And thanks to you all for watching this video.