Before granting you entry to Italy
you must first answer these simple questions
What are the three official languages of Italy?
Italian
Sicilian
and speaking with your hands
Yes
On which side of the road do they drive in Italy?
Both
Yes
How do Italians like to start the day?
With an espresso
and an argument
Yes
Who secretly holds all the power in Italian society?
The mothers
Yes
What is the most terrifying thing
for an Italian to wake up to find lying in their bed?
Silvio Berlusconi
Yes certainly
What far-right leaning institution
is well supported in Italy?
The leaning Tower of Pisa
Yes
Where can you find The Statue of David?
The LA Galaxy Stadium in Los Angeles
Yes
Name the beautiful saucy yet complex
Italian dish Italy is famous for
Monica Bellucci
Yes
Name Italy's biggest bank
The Trevi Fountain
Yes
What city within Italy is frozen in time
due to a terrible act of God?
Vatican City
Yes
What sentimental item do most elderly Italian women
keep in their homes?
Their middle-aged sons
Yes certainly
I think I'll move out some day
What can erupt in Italy at any time?
Football violence
What is the national sport in Italy?
Diving
Where in Italy are you most likely to be robbed?
In a taxi
Finally
where are tourists in Italy required to
observe local customs?
When in Rome?
Yes
Unfortunately your visa has been declined
What?
But
Welcome to Italy
Yeah
Thank you very much for watching
we're Foil Arms and Hog
I'm not Italian
What?
No that's not true
It's just acting
Wow
How did you do that with your voice?
It sounded completely different
I changed it
Wow
If you'd like to see our new show 'Hogwash' LIVE
it's premiering at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this August
Doomdah