( caption revisions in progress ) >> Today's episode is brought to you by Feals.
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See I spelled them both.
>> Yeah. >> It's hard to mess up.
>> You're pretty good at that.
Finally. >> [snorts]
>> So some guys I knew in college
stole the display Millennium Falcon from Toy "R" Us.
>> Wait, that's just like this size?
>> No.
>> BRIAN: Wait-- >> This is the one
that hung from the ceiling
of the Toys "R" Us.
>> How big is the display?
>> It took up the entire living room.
>> What, wait, wait, wait.
How do you, what do you do with that?
That's like somebody just steals the Mona Lisa,
you can't show it off!
Everybody knows that that's not yours.
>> It sat there in our living room for a while,
no one knew what to do with it,
and then the person who absconded with it--
>> All of a sudden I realized who "friends" these are.
>> Oh no it's not, actually. >> BRIAN: Oh, really?
>> It's not, yeah, it's no one you knew.
>> Oh, okay. >> Yeah, no, and it wasn't me.
I was not involved,
as much as I wanted it.
>> It wasn't race and rurphry?
>> It was race and Murphy.
The archnemesis and diabolical evil.
[radio crackling]
>> Takin' a look at a Modern Rogue article
from themodernrogue.com.
Five unstealable things people have actually stolen,
written by Ian Fortey.
I guess we have to rank which of these
we dig the most, right? >> Yes, yes.
The first one was in Bedfordshire I believe?
Is that right, Bedfordshire, England?
[typing]
[radio crackling]
Stolen church roofs.
>> That sentence just gets weirder
with each progressive word.
>> Right!
>> Especially the plural of roofs at the end!
Because it's not just what,
like I understand a church roof getting stolen,
maybe it's a super famous church or whatever.
But apparently there's lots of valuable scrap metal
in roofing?
>> Over in the 16th century,
some of them were from the 14th century,
all of these roofs built out of lead or copper,
people coming and doing it over a long period of time,
and they just take a little bit and a little bit.
Millions of dollars in damage.
One of them was like $2 million of damage to this church.
>> That's one of the crazy parts,
is that whatever they're getting for the scrap,
to think about the fact that once there's a hole in the roof
and the rain's coming in
and is damaging all the interior of this place,
you're causing $2 million dollars' damage for what?
Maybe $60,000 of scrap?
>> I don't know, but it's the patience required in this
has to be commensurate to the reward you're getting, right?
Because that's some Shawshank level,
bit by bit by bit, right? >> Bit by bit by bit, yeah.
How do you eat a church?
One roof tile at a time.
>> Yeah!
So first on the leader board:
Church roofs. >> Yes, very roguish.
The only way that I could see something more outrageous
is if you stole the entire church,
which is the second one.
[typing]
[radio crackling and wind blowing]
>> People have come home
from renting out their cabins or what have you
to find that the cabins are gone.
>> Just gone!
>> Yeah, yeah.
The entire place being disassembled and relocated.
Now a lot of times these people were caught,
but how do you do that?
I couldn't steal a package of candy,
but then you see the house out there.
>> At some point you get so committed to the bit
because it's such an operation
to disassemble an entire house and take it.
That means you're wearing your orange jumpsuits,
you've got your equipment, you've got your crew.
Basically if the owner's not there,
who on earth is going to see a crew of people
disassembling a house
and suspect that's a robbery in progress?
>> Well that is something we've talked about before,
is the trappings of authority.
>> He escaped in the middle of his trial
by reaching over, picking up a sheriff's hat,
and just marching right out.
>> Oh my god.
>> Basically just walking with the confidence,
like, "Yes of course I'm a police.
"Hello, I'm police, how are you policing?"
>> If you're wearing a uniform,
you can get away with a lot of stuff.
>> Absolutely dude.
Magicians, we say, "If you want to hide it, paint it red."
So in this case, fluorescent orange.
>> And in this case they had people actually coming out
to help them.
Like, "Oh you dropped some stuff, here."
Because they looked like people doing a legitimate job.
>> Those are always my favorite moments.
This framer Frank Abagnale once talked about
how he collected so much money with a grift
that as he was trying to get out,
the cops were like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!
"Let me give you a hand with that," [laughs]
and they helped him take the money out.
Okay so I'm going to say stealing an entire house,
bigger, ballsier thing than just stealing a church roof.
>> Way more impressive, better rewards I think,
and you can also say, "I stole a house."
>> [giggles]
[typing]
[radio crackling and wind blowing]
So this one I think is really dicey
and is way more dangerous than stealing a roof
or stealing an entire house:
millions of honey bees.
>> [laughs] It does sound like something an archvillan
of James Bond would do.
>> He's like,-- >> Yes!
>> "I need more bees!"
For those who don't know,
there's an incredible almond business in California,
and there's not enough bees to support
all of the pollination that they need,
season after season.
So they import hundreds of thousands,
millions of bees, every single year.
There's a great podcast where you hear the stories
of how all the bees are collected,
and they make the journey very quickly
from one point to the other,
and then they go nuts, pollinate, and then...
You rent bees, apparently.
Which means if you can rent something, it's of value,
which means somebody could steal it.
>> Well in this particular case in January of 2017,
488 boxes of bees were absconded with, overnight.
Millions of bees.
Someone found their entire stock gone.
>> Yeah, and I guess it makes sense,
I mean, you're not going to post guards,
but meanwhile those are certainly of value, right?
>> Yeah, I'm sure as hell not going to steal one bee.
>> [laughs]
>> Much less a lot of them.
>> So in this case somebody stole them all,
and I guess eventually they busted him
because he had relabeled and split up all that stuff.
They were able to say, "These are not your hives, sir."
At which point he says, "Bee powers, activate!"
and becomes Swarm.
>> It was Brian's bees,
and then he just markered out the B.
>> Rian's bees. >> Rian's bees.
>> Rian's rees. >> Rian's rees.
[both laughing]
>> Okay, is this more roguish than stealing a house?
>> In a way, I don't know, when you're stealing a house
that's really impressive just because of the size.
What are you going to do with a house?
But when you're stealing bees...
The house isn't trying to kill you.
>> That's true.
But also bees are so sideways,
it's such an insane thing to do.
I'm going to give it
a firm more impressive than a church roof,
less impressive than a house.
>> Okay I'm going to agree with you on that one.
[typing]
[radio crackling and wind blowing]
Okay now here is an impressive one.
You were talking about almond fields and what have you,
pollination there.
What if someone were to take an entire vineyard?
>> Do you mean the actual plants,
or just the harvest from the vineyard?
>> The harvest.
So you're just taking the grapes I guess, right?
You're cutting all of those with a harvesting machine.
>> How long does that take?
>> Apparently you could do it overnight
with one of those giant machines
>> In the neighborhood that I lived in,
I would go on a run,
and there would be a bunch of apricots growing,
and you could tell they were almost ripe,
and then the next day they're just all gone.
You had that tragedy of the commons,
where they're close enough
that they probably weren't even good,
but everyone felt like it was time to grab them.
So I could totally believe that
because again you don't post guards on your vineyard.
How much is a harvest even worth?
>> Well it happens in a number of different places,
like in France it was a much bigger pull,
but for instance--
>> Oh because you get to steal famous grapes
that make award-winning wines and stuff.
>> Exactly, not all grapes are created equal, right?
Far from it.
In Virginia for instance,
2.5 tons amounted to $50,000 worth of losses.
>> So how does this end up in our rankings?
It's less impressive than bees.
>> It is less impressive than bees,
but you look at a field,
and you think, "How am I going to steal this?"
>> BRIAN: Yeah. >> You got to have a plan.
And you got to have-- >> BRIAN: Equipment, skills.
>> Equipment and skills, yeah.
And a team, probably.
So for any of these I think you have to have a team.
I think this is actually really challenging.
But you're not going to get stung,
and you can put it in the back of a truck.
>> It's behind bees, is it even above church roofs?
Because church roofs is pretty wacky.
>> I think I'm going to put this one at the bottom.
>> Yeah, I think so too.
>> It's impressive, don't get me wrong.
>> It's apparently Peter Cottontail,
run over and you steal their veggies or whatever.
[typing]
[radio crackling and wind blowing]
>> Okay so here's one that just sounds kind of abstract,
like how would that even work?
A bunch of people stealing roads, again, over in the UK.
>> Okay, I don't know if we want to demonize all of the UK
in this place.
>> Well those are independently cobbled roads, right?
You can't really take a bunch of asphalt
off of American roads.
>> Although I have seen that, I saw some dudes stealing
pitch off of the road--
>> What? >> Because out in the country,
they'll put a bunch of gravel all along,
so it's kind of a dirt road hybrid,
basically they're like free gravel.
And so I would see their pickup truck,
and they're just stealing the literal road.
So I've witnessed this crime in action
here in the United States.
>> Just to sell the resources?
>> Yeah or use it for their gardening or whatever.
It's intended to be a road for driving on,
but instead it's going to look great
in their zen garden I guess.
>> Well one of them in the UK was
50,000 pave stones were taken.
>> And that makes sense--
>> The road is just gone!
>> And cobblestones, those aren't free,
it's not like you'd just find them laying around,
you have to break the rocks to make the cubes.
>> Can you imagine that?
You're driving and then the road is just not there anymore?
Because somebody took it?
>> Okay this is so audacious and so big,
I think it might be, for me, ahead of even the bees.
>> Really, okay. >> Well the bees gets points
for just being wacky and crazy,
and I think it might be... [sighs]
Okay, you're at a bar,
somebody casually mentions, "Stole a house once,"
and then down the bar you hear someone say,
"Pff, a house, I stole the whole road."
>> I think that's what we need to do,
we need to start stealing roads and houses.
>> Or just say we did, we could just lie.
>> We could do that.
>> But in that moment, you're the guy in the middle,
who do you think is more impressive?
The guy who stole the house or the guy who stole the road?
I feel like the road might be the champion.
>> I'm going to want to hear the explanation of the road
a little bit more, yeah.
>> I would like to believe all these happened at once.
The bees go to a house that gets stolen,
and then the road that the bees drove on gets stolen,
and then the roof is stolen, all of it.
>> And it all lead to a vineyard,
and it's just all gone. >> And we're drinking
the wine that's stolen.
Yeah I'm going to give roads my top spot.
>> Your top spot, your number one?
>> BRIAN: Yeah! >> Above the houses
and everything?
>> BRIAN: Yeah. >> Okay, all right,
agree to disagree.
I'm going to go with houses still,
I think the houses are still..
Because can you imagine that?
Coming home and your house is just gone?
>> Yeah, but you wouldn't even be able to get home
if there's no road.
We're not going to agree.
>> All right, all right.
>> We're not going to settle this one.
>> This is an eagle versus shark thing, I gotcha.
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but it helps you greatly reduce pain,
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>> So you feel good, but you're not blasted out of your mind
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You just put a little bit under your tongue,
you're good to go.
>> So when we talked about this sponsor,
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And then they sent us this flight,
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>> Have you never taken any before?
>> That's not, don't, no.
What're you a cop?
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I just got back from Vegas, man.
[Jason laughs]
>> It's not that.
We have some right here.
[Brian laughs]
It sounds a little...
[Brian laughs loudly] Come on Brian.
>> All right, I will try it.
I'll start with the lowest dose here.
>> Okay. >> I guess what, you start...
It says to put it under your tongue.
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>> All right well while I'm waiting 30 minutes to find out
whether or not that was the right dose for me,
in the meantime everybody wants to subscribe.
You get 50% off by going to feals.com/rogue.
That's F-E-A-L-S dot com, slash R-O-G-U-E.
And you'll be keeping us in business.
>> Thank you, Feals.
>> We are all unbelievably excited
to start moving production to the new place,
but, this is the hard part, we are still only at 90%.
We have some big financial dragons
that we have to slay immediately.
We try really hard to never really ask for cash directly.
This is me asking for cash directly.