These days, everyone's a critic.
So if that's the case, how awful must a movie be to actually get a zero percent rating on
Rotten Tomatoes?
There are bad movies, and then there are movies so terrible that literally no one single reviewer
in the world liked them.
Here's a look at some of the truly horrible movies that earned a zero percent rating on
Rotten Tomatoes.
A Thousand Words
Starring Eddie Murphy, the comedy A Thousand Words was filmed back in 2008.
But it was so bad Paramount waited four entire years to release it.
When your own studio doesn't want anyone to see the film they paid to make, you know you
have problems!
And critics agreed that it was awful, lambasting the lame story about about a guy who's cursed
by a magic tree and will die if he talks too much.
One critic called the flop "a poorly conceived and startlingly miscast comedy that works
to every one of its stars' weaknesses."
So… not good.
[Laughter, unintelligible words]
Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star
Every so often, a movie comes along that's so bad, so random, it's hard to imagine how
it was ever made in the first place.
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star is one of those movies.
The film, which starred Nick Swardson as a dopey small-town grocery bagger who moves
to L.A. to follow his parents' pr0n-star footsteps, opened in 2011 to some of the worst reviews
Hollywood had seen in decades.
Many critics trashed the film for its unfunny, childish jokes.
In fact, reviews were so harsh, by the time the movie opened, Swardson's leading-man career
was already over.
A star was not born.
“What the f--- just happened?”
“My brain just sparkled!”
The Nutcracker In 3D
One of the most egregious offenders of the post-Avatar 3D craze was 2010's notoriously
awful The Nutcracker in 3D, which took Tchaikovsky's ballet and turned it into a bombastic musical
featuring Elle Fanning, Nathan Lane, and not exactly subtle references to — wait for
it — the Holocaust.
Worst of all, the movie's over-the-top sets and CGI were literal eyesores, looking less
like a ballet and more like Michael Bay.
Ultimately, Lou Lumenick of the New York Post summed it up best when he called The Nutcracker
in 3D "spectacularly misconceived, bloated, and incredibly ugly."
But tell us how you really feel, Lou.
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
The original Baby Geniuses was just one positive review away from making this list.
That in itself is enough reason to wonder how anyone on Earth allowed a sequel to happen.
And yet, somehow, some way, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 rolled into theaters in 2004.
“No!
Look at that!
I warned you!”
“It’s playtime!”
Unsurprisingly, critics were quick to call it out for being what it was: a dumb idea.
Joanne Kaufman of the Wall Street Journal called it "unspeakably ghastly" and J.R. Jones
of the Chicago Reader said it was "excruciating," while Christopher Borrelli of the Toledo Blade
pretty much summed up everyone's feeling when he wrote, "I found this all profoundly disturbing."
“What?”
“The?”
“Heck?”
Undeterred, producers turned this series into a full-fledged franchise, releasing three
more installments, but the critics just couldn't take any more: none of the subsequent Baby
Geniuses even have enough reviews to earn a spot on the Tomatometer.
One Missed Call
The modern revival of the horror movie genre has led to a number of bad decisions in Hollywood,
like that time Paris Hilton co-starred in a remake of House of Wax.
But the worst of the bunch was the ridiculous One Missed Call, a remake of a 2003 Japanese
horror movie that opened to truly terrifying reviews in 2008.
A blatant rip off of the far superior Ring films, critics were quick to roll their eyes
at the film's premise, which essentially revolved around a cell phone that killed people, calling
it contrived, silly, and a complete waste of time.
And those were the nicer reviews.
This is one call you should be glad you missed.
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