Someone asked, "Why do I feel so
disappointed in my husband?"
And you could write into The Marriage
Foundation,
it's a free service. You could write into
one of our counselors.
I'm Paul Friedman, I founded The Marriage
Foundation. We're non-profit and we're
here to serve you.
So this particular topic is
pretty telling and it's very important,
we're going to get into this in a way.
I want to turn this around a little bit
for you.
"Why am I so disappointed in my husband?"
Now just in asking that question
you already have a sense that there's
something wrong with how you're seeing
your husband
because you didn't say, "My husband did
this. He did that and so I'm very
disappointed in him." No,
you're recognizing that you're
disappointed in your husband
but that's not really what's going on.
Here's the big problem, big picture
is we grow up without any true
information about relationships
and marriage, and we're not taught this
by the people who should be teaching us
this
and it's not their fault because they
themselves do not know.
Society has been evolving very quickly
with technology
and it's been trying to evolve with
human interaction
but it's weird. We don't have the basics
down
and in marriage, it's very important to
have the basics down.
So we don't learn about important things
like watching and controlling our own
mind
with an awareness that what we
tell our mind to do it must
do. It's the definition of free will. The
real definition of free will
rather than just skating through life
being born,
living, eating, propagating,
retiring and then dying that's no fun.
There's a very real thing
called midlife crisis
and it's a time when people
all of a sudden they're taking a look at
their life and they're going, "Wait a
minute, have I wasted my
entire life?" And then they do stupid
things so they show they didn't
waste them.
What's really going on is we as human
beings are supposed to progress
and maybe at this point, you're asking,
"Well, what does this have to do
with my husband disappointing you?"
It's not your husband that's
disappointing you.
What's happening is you're disappointed
because you're not feeling fulfilled
and your mind
which either works for you or works
against you
is telling you always that it's not your
fault, that's what minds do.
They always tell us it's not our fault
because it's moved
by the biological drive to survive. It's
all about self-preservation.
And so, it can't be your fault.
You have to train yourself to go, "Well,
wait a minute. What's
really going on here?" And what is really
going on here is this,
you got married in order to be happier
every single day of your life.
You got married in order to experience
unconditional love, ever expanding love
and those things are not happening. And
you might be thinking, "Yeah, he's not
doing this for me," but that would be a
mistake
to say that because you have to ask
yourself what have you
done proactively
to infuse more happiness and more love
into your marriage, and the answer is
nothing,
You've been living day to day. If you
were not living day to day this question
could never come up.
There'd be no disappointment because
part of
the being on the right path in marriage
is to take everything as a personal
challenge
not personal blame which is one of the
stupidest concepts that these marriage
counselors have of blaming
him for this and her for that, and let's
compromise -- it's all nonsense.
Because it assumes that if everything
is just going on as normal then
everything is fine and that's not true.
Marriage requires
as an individual for you
to be infusing into it
love and happiness which means
watching your mind, which means
watching your thoughts, your emotions.
Changing yourself by changing those
thoughts
those emotions, those inner reactions.
So there's much you can learn about
marriage just by subscribing to this
channel but
frankly, it's not enough for you. If
you're reaching this awareness, this
point of awareness
it's time for you to become more active.
Now our course for women
is primarily a self-help course.
Sure.
It helps your marriage better than any
other marriage anything
that's out there but it's focused
primarily on you
learning how to control your mind. You could
read one of my books
too that helps
but I want you to be convinced
that this is not about your husband
and your mind is going to lie to you and
tell you that it is
but it's not. So
I can't solve this in a video but
hopefully, I'm getting you on the right
way of thinking about this because
that's very important
and we're here to help you.
Don't just subscribe to the channel but
leave a comment if you have a question.
I answer those personally. If you'd like
to write into the counselors again
it is a free service -- we're a non-profit.
So blessings to you,
remember think in terms of, "It's my mind.
I have to control it. I have to use it to
infuse love
and happiness into the marriage." Love and
happiness, what could be wrong with that?
All right. Thank you! God bless! Take care!