The American economy is booming.
In fact, unemployment is so low
that companies are having trouble finding employees.
Which is why McDonald's is looking anywhere it can.
McDonald's wants workers
to spend some of their golden years
at the Golden Arches.
The fast-food giant partnering with AARP
in an effort to hire older employees
for everything from morning shifts to management roles.
McDonald's hopes to fill 250,000 jobs nationwide
by this summer.
Oh, man, this is cool. Yeah.
Partnering up with the AARP to find jobs for senior citizens,
especially because for so many people,
McDonald's was their first job when they were teenagers.
Yeah. Now it'll be their last job, too.
It's nice. The circle of life.
Hakuna matata.
Although, wouldn't it be funny
if you go back to the McDonald's you first started working at
and your old manager's there like, "Well, well, well.
"Look who's back.
Where have you been the last 50 years?"
"Actually, I was a doctor."
"Well, now you're back on the fryer!"
(laughter)
Also, also, I think this idea is gonna be bad for our health,
because old people love feeding you.
Yeah. You're gonna try and order a number seven,
and Grandma at the register will be like, "That's all?
"No, no, have a McFlurry.
"You also need extra fries. You're a growing boy.
"I put some apple pies in a Tupperware for you.
Take them. Take them."
And, uh, you know what the biggest thing is
that I worry about?
Is that McDonald's says it's reaching out to the AARP
because they need workers.
But how do we know? Yeah.
What if one day there's a news report like,
"Old people are disappearing, but the McRib is back."
(laughter)
All right, let's move on to some technology news.
These days it seems like every tech story is bad.
Facebook is giving out our secrets.
Screen Time is hurting our kids.
Our Roombas are seducing our cats.
-(laughter) -But at least... at least there's one dating app
that's trying to do something good.
NEWSWOMAN: The dating app Bumble
is launching a private detector feature
that can automatically detect crude images and warn you.
The feature is part of a safety initiative
expected to launch in June.
Bumble already has measures in place
to protect users by blurring all images by default,
but recipients have to hold down the photo to view it.
Yeah. Let that sink in, people.
Bumble has had to write a program
-to censor dick pics. -(laughter)
Because men will not stop sending them.
I honestly feel bad for women, I really do.
No, because especially... because, like,
Bumble was supposed to be the safe dating app, right?
'Cause on Tinder, you get a match,
and then guys would be like, "Dick pic!" Right?
But then on Bumble, women make the first moves,
so it's, like, match, and then it's like,
"Hello, John. Nice to meet you."
-And John's like, "Dick pic!" -(laughter)
Like, just wait, just wait.
Let them ask for the dick.
And as offensive as sending a dick pic is,
I feel really bad for the guys whose dick pics
make it through the filter.
(laughter)
Yeah, that's a really bad way
to find out you've got a weird dick.
When the filter's like, "Oh, oh, damn, I...
"oh, I thought that was a... a thumb. Oh, my...
"Yo, that... yo, you need to get that checked out, man.
Oh, I'm sorry."
And finally, in the world of Instagram. Chimpanzees.
They're one of the humans' closest relatives, right?
And today we found out that they're even closer
to the humans than we thought.
People are going bananas over this incredible video
of a chimpanzee who's managed to work out how to use...
an iPhone.
The academic ape is seen scrolling through videos
and photos on the smartphone after mastering the ability
to swipe through different images.
Are you shitting me?
(laughter)
There's a chimpanzee who knows how to use Instagram?
And people are saying that this video shows
how smart chimps are.
I actually think it's the opposite.
It proves that Instagram
appeals to the chimp part inside human brains.
Yeah. Because I don't know about you,
but Instagram makes me real dumb.
I'm having complicated discussions during the day,
just like, "Yeah, you know, you look at the economy,
"and you look at what's happening in Congress,
"and then you get on Instagram, and you're like...
(imitating monkey chattering)
(applause, cheering)
Also... also...
wouldn't it... wouldn't it be cool
to get followed by a chimp on Instagram?
-(laughter) -That would be so cool if that happened.
If you got a, like, you just saw that you're being followed
by a chimp, and you send a message like, "Oh, wow, Coco!
Thanks for following me!"
And Coco would reply: "Dick pic!"