hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about six signs you're
being manipulated now let's begin number one object constancy this strange phenomenon
plays a critical role in every one of your friendships and relationships just imagine
you and your closest friend get in a fight maybe you butt heads over a stupid misunderstanding you
both lose your tempers you both feel frustrated and angry and the fight may last for a few days
but during a fight how do you feel about your friend you still like them don't you
even if you're fighting your feelings about your friend haven't changed it works the same way in
romantic relationships if you and your partner get in a fight you still love each other even
if you're frustrated at the moment this is object constancy it's your ability to maintain positive
emotions about someone despite feeling angry or annoyed in lasting friendships and relationships
object constancy keeps you moving in the right direction you can apologize and make up because
the love between you still exists but what happens when you argue with a manipulative friend or
partner when a manipulator gets angry their object constancy flies out the window they'll insult you
they'll degrade you they'll yell at you they'll treat you like a complete stranger as though
your friendship or relationship never existed now when a friend or partner reacts like this
it's tempting to blame yourself you feel like you made a huge mistake and you try to undo the damage
you've done but the problem isn't you it's them their feelings for you are selfish and shallow
they don't care deeply about you as a person they only care about what's best for themselves
and that's why their love for you disappears when things get heated
number two weaponized guilt guilt is one of the strongest weapons for manipulative people
it's a tool they use to avoid their own mistakes pass the blame and take advantage of others there
are two kinds of weaponized guilt the first is up front and obvious a manipulator will create
guilt using a direct accusation these accusations are often shameless unfair and easy to recognize
but that doesn't make them any less effective just imagine you're playing basketball with a
friend the game gets a little bit heated and you accidentally knock your friend to the ground your
friend falls awkwardly on their wrist and they end up in a cast in the weeks after your friend
may blame you directly for their injury they may convince you to run errands or do favors for them
saying hey you're the reason i can't do it myself when someone consistently blames you for something
especially if it was an accident guilt is a natural response you want to make it up to your
friend you didn't mean to hurt them so you give in to their guilt trips hoping a few favors will even
the score but that rarely ever happens instead a direct manipulator takes advantage of you as many
times as they can no matter how badly it makes you feel the second type of guilt is much more subtle
let's say the same scenario happens you're playing basketball your friend falls and breaks their
wrist the next day your friend may say something like i would make lunch if only my wrist wasn't
hurting so badly now this time your friend is creating guilt without actually accusing you of
anything but it's implied after hearing a comment like this you feel responsible for your friend's
injury you feel guilty that they got hurt because of you and each time your friend emphasizes their
pain or limitations it feels almost like a direct accusation weaponized guilt is one of the common
and destructive habits in any friendship or relationship guilt is used to make someone else
feel bad to take advantage of them for your own personal gain if your friend or partner uses guilt
on a regular basis you're being manipulated number three emotional blackmail manipulative friends and
partners use your fears and emotions against you this can be an incredibly confusing and painful
experience it's one of the most prevalent forms of emotional abuse because your friends and partners
know you better than anyone they know what you're insecure about they know what you're afraid of
and they know how to hurt you so what does emotional blackmail look like there are many
different ways to blackmail someone but insecurity is the common denominator your friend or partner
uses your worries and anxieties to make you doubt yourself and that self-doubt drives you further
into their clutches alright let's try an example imagine you're thinking about leaving your partner
you're having doubts about the relationship so you brought up these concerns to your partner but they
don't listen instead your partner uses emotional blackmail to trap you inside the relationship they
say at your age i'm the best you're going to get suddenly you feel insecure and afraid you begin to
wonder if your partner's right and your confidence disappears completely now this isn't the only kind
of emotional blackmail out there manipulators also use threats warnings and intimidation
to instill fear in their partners some use insults and criticisms to shatter your self-esteem
others use your past against you leveraging one mistake over and over again emotional blackmail
is not just manipulative it's abusive if your friend or partner is emotionally blackmailing you
it's time to leave that person behind number four excessive monitoring does your partner text you
constantly do they pester you with questions like where are you and what are you doing this kind of
behavior is called monitoring driven by anxiety or insecurity your partner feels compelled to keep
tabs on you they're worried you're going to betray or cheat on them so they go to great lengths to
monitor and control your behavior in the beginning monitoring doesn't seem that bad your partner may
act a little bit needy but neediness isn't always negative many relationships resolve
that neediness by fostering a strong trusting bond but what happens when that neediness grows what if
your partner is constantly compromising your space what if your partner floods your phone with calls
and messages every time you leave the house your partner claims they're just worried about you but
monitoring is a form of manipulation your partner wants to control and restrict the things you do
they want to know about every nook and cranny of your life not because they care about you
but because they want to control you alright let's say your partner calls you repeatedly when
you hang out with your friends now on their own a few phone calls are pretty harmless right but over
time your partner will create a rift between you and your friends and that way you spend less time
with your friends and more time with your partner so just pay attention to the way your partner acts
when you're apart do they give you the space and trust you deserve or do they hover over you
every second of the day if the latter sounds familiar you may be in a manipulative relationship
number five self-victimization this type of manipulation can be difficult to spots but it can
easily turn any friendship into a toxic dynamic self-victimization means playing the victim
your friend or partner may frame themselves as the innocent victim of every situation
the world is always coming after them and they're never at fault in any relationship
victims pass the blame onto their friends and partners victims think they're doing everything
right they believe they're putting in all the effort in the relationship they think they're
the ones doing all the work while framing you as lazy or selfish playing the victim is just
as manipulative as anything else on this list you play the victim to make others feel sorry for you
it uses a subtle combination of guilt and shame to tug on other people's heartstrings victims act
like you're the source of every problem in their life while completely ignoring their own faults if
you know someone with a victim complex don't let them control you it's difficult to see through
their lies criticisms and backhanded compliments but if your partner constantly plays the victim
you're being manipulated six passive aggression passive aggression is a tool used by almost
all manipulative partners instead of openly expressing your anger a passive aggressive person
will subtly manipulate their friends and partners alright let's say your friend flakes a plan you
made together at the last second they ditch you leaving you feeling disappointed and angry
the healthy response would be to tell your friend how you feel they'll likely apologize and the two
of you can move on but a passive-aggressive person would do something like this they would
wait until the next time their friend wants to spend time together then they would intentionally
ditch them ensuring their friend feels just as disappointed as they did now some people call
this revenge but it's just one of many ways that a passive-aggressive person expresses anger or
frustration but not all acts of passive aggression are dangerous sometimes passive aggression is
small and harmless some people simply don't know how to express themselves any other way if your
partner is passive aggressive on a regular basis communication is often the answer tell your friend
or partner that it's bothering you and they'll make an effort to change but what if your friend
does it on purpose what if your partner continues to be passive-aggressive even after you've voiced
your concerns if this sounds like your situation you're probably being manipulated hey thank you
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