Hey! Welcome to "What in the ADHD?"
My name's Sydni, and today we're going to be talking about what it's like to be in a relationship with someone that has ADHD.
So first, I want you to think of a few words that describe your relationship with your ADHD partner.
I'll give you 5 seconds.
Did you come up with any of the following words?
Exciting, entertaining, chaotic,
spontaneous, fun, adventurous
So, I just asked my husband to do this, and one of the words that he used was
the word "patience". I'm not sure if I should be offended,
but I think we all know why he used that word.
Relationships with someone with ADHD can be all of those things:
fun, exciting, adventurous.
But, they can also be frustrating sometimes.
I'm about to go over some common behaviors of people with ADHD,
why we have those behaviors, and how they can affect a relationship.
I'm not making this video to give relationship advice.
I'm not a counselor or a therapist.
I just want to show everyone that what they're going through in their relationship is common,
and that they're not alone.
But - also remember that everything I say isn't going to apply to every single person with ADHD.
We're all unique.
If you're the neurotypical in the relationship, I also want to emphasize that
Your partner's behavior is not because of you; it's not your fault.
The ADHD behaviors I'm about to talk about are present in a person with ADHD
whether they're in a relationship or not.
First up - zoning out and getting distracted.
People with ADHD struggle with prioritizing where their focus should go.
We don't lack attention; we just have a hard time regulating that attention.
Because of this, we tend to stare off into space, think about other things,
and easily get distracted by other stimuli.
For example, maybe you're talking to your partner about your day,
and you notice that they're not reacting to anything you're saying.
They may be looking at you, but it's almost like they're somewhere else.
Or - maybe when you're talking to them, they get easily distracted by
something like their phone going off or something on the TV.
When this happens, it may be best to just ask them if you should come back and talk to them
at a time when they're able to focus a little better.
This lets them know that you can tell they're not paying attention to you
but without you being aggressive or hurtful about it.
People with ADHD also tend to interrupt other people while they're talking.
This is especially true for people with Hyperactive-Impulsive Type or Combined Type,
since interrupting other people can be considered an impulsive behavior.
When we do this, we're not trying to be rude.
We usually interrupt for one of two reasons:
we're either really excited about what we wanted to say, so we just blurt it out,
or we feel like we're going to forget it it, so we interject before we forget what we wanted to say.
This is by no means an excuse for interrupting.
While we don't mean it to be, it's definitely considered rude behavior.
I've noticed that I do this with my husband a lot and I always feel bad afterwards.
When it happens, I immediately follow with an apology and say, "okay I'm sorry - continue."