(audience applauding)
Good to have you here.
It's lovely to be here.
You know, you're such a dramatic looking man.
I always forget, you're just this beard and the,
Yeah.
It's terrific, it's a compliment.
I've always had weird eyes, you know,
and (audience laughing) people find me kind
of strange sometimes.
[Conan] Right, right.
But when I do films sometimes, and then I work live.
So between the film things, which are usually a bit,
six months, or a year or something,
[Conan] Right, right.
I just let everything go.
[Conan] Right, right.
And then when I get to do a movie,
they, they shape it the way they want to.
[Conan] Right, right.
But I like this the best, I'm an old hippie, you know?
Yeah, sort of old hippie, Colonel Sanders a little bit.
Colonel, yeah.
(audience laughing)
Now we have, you, I didn't realize this,
you started a huge controversy.
You, a British Nobel prize winner,
(Billy blows raspberry)
listen to this, (audience laughing) is very upset at you,
because you, in your comedy, make a lot
of derogatory comments about learning math and science,
and he thinks that you're actually destroying the youth
of the world with these comments.
He's absolutely right. [Conan] Yeah, you are?
(audience laughing)
What's happening?
That was my intention.
I, I hated math, as a matter of fact,
I hated everything at school.
[Conan] Right.
I don't care what an adverb is, or a pronoun.
I couldn't give a (beep) (audience laughing)
Well, I couldn't give a fu-
Let's explain, there are these things called synonyms
which are (audience laughing) words that you say,
(audience clapping)
when you're on television, (audience clapping)
instead of the words that you can't use.
Like, for instance, when were you ever at dinner,
and the word hypotenuse popped up in the conversation?
(audience laughing) Not a lot.
It's useless, and I used to say that,
why should I learn algebra?
I'm never likely to go there. [Conan] Right, right, right.
It's not gonna happen.
I could never understand the letters
alongside the numbers and A plus B and all that,
it was a complete mystery to me.
[Conan] Right, right.
I always worked on the principle that people who are good
at math and all that make good employees.
[Conan] Right, right.
And people with a bit of an imagination,
make good employers, you can always employ somebody
to work out the hypotenuse, the Pythagoras theorem.
So if that's, so if you're not learning science
and math in school, what do you think
people should be learning?
What should, what classes should they be teaching?
How to get laid and how to make money.
(crowd cheering)
They are with you on this, this is terrific.
Because if you, if you meet any Nobel prize winners
they're usually broke and looking to get laid.
Right, right (audience laughing)
And something happens to people at university.
They can't dance anymore, (audience laughing) you know.
They can't dance, that's just-
That's just, when they were,
should have been learning to dance
they were doing the homework or something.
[Conan] Right, right.
Have you ever seen medical students trying to dance?
[Conan] Right. (audience laughing)
It's, it's embarrassing and horrible.
(audience laughing)
Because their minds are too full,
filled with these abstract numbers.
Hypotenuses. Right, right, right.
What's the plural of hypotenuse?
Hypotenays.
Hypotenays. (audience laughing)
I don't know.
Isn't that an Italian dish?
That's a sauce, yeah that you put on things.
(audience laughing)
I don't know, what are you asking me for, I'm clearly an-
I saw a thing!
What, you saw a thing?
You're talking about a sauce.
What's that?
What's it, what's it, marinara.
[Conan] Yes.
I saw on Lexington, there was,
there was an Italian restaurant
and it, advertised on the window.
It must've been a dish that said, hey, what was it?
Beef, meatball marinara.
[Conan] Right, right. (audience laughing)
I think that sounds like a boxer, don't you?
(audience laughing)
And in this corner weighing 220 pounds,
[Both In Unison] Meatball Marinara!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. (audience laughing)
He's an Italian boxer, don't you think?
(audience laughing)
These things just come to you, don't they?
I just saw it in a window. (audience laughing)
(audience clapping)
I love that.
[Billy] Meatball marinara.
I saw it on a window, it's very good.
Now, we had a bungee jumping baby Jesus on the show tonight.
I'm told that you bungee jumped recently naked.
Yes.
Why? (audience laughing)
Because.
Because, well, this interview is over.
Nice why, no I was in New Zeeland and I make travel films.
[Conan] Aha.
They're very big in Britain, they don't like them here
much because I swear or curse.
Yes, we experienced that earlier, yeah.
Yeah. (audience laughing)
And, but you know, it's, but I'll get
into that some other time.
[Conan] Yeah.
But there I was in, I always dance naked
in my films, you know. (audience laughing)
What kind of films are these? (audience laughing)
I first did it in Scotland, I was,
we called them the world tours
and we do the world tour of Scotland,
the world tour of Ireland.
And I go out during the day and look at stuff.
And then I go on stage and be funny
about the stuff at night, cut between the two
and in Scotland they have a thing like Stonehenge,
it's on the Isle of Orkney, it's just stones, you know?
And I was looking at it and I didn't know what
to see, you know, it's a big stone.
[Conan] Right.
And there's other ones and we were trying
to work out what it was for and the notice on it said,
"it was thought that perhaps they were used
for some or for worship or perhaps it was something else."
And, but they don't know, and they should just say,
"we've no idea what this is." (audience laughing)
[Conan] Right, right, we have no clue.
Try and leave it, like you found it.
Right, right. (audience laughing)
Good, these are good ideas.
Yeah, so I thought I would, being a hippy,
I thought I would give it all that mystic stuff.
And so I danced around it.
You got completely naked and you danced?
And danced, yeah, around it. (audience laughing)
Doing a big sort of fairy dance.
Yeah, you.(audience laughing)
And so every program I did after that
I did a wee naked dance for, (audience laughing)
and when I did England, I did it at Piccadilly Circus.
That's kind of a crowded area.
Yeah, there's buses and all (laughing) beep, beep, yeah.
So there's you Billy Connolly, naked, dancing like a-
The only complaint was from a drunk guy.
(audience laughing)
And he said, "you're a failing the children".
(audience laughing)
And he's like puking all over the place.
(audience laughing)
Now, now wait, you must be very secure with your body-
I, well, it's only if you're in bad shape, is it funny.
(audience laughing)
If you're, if you're in good shape, it's, it's showing off.
[Conan] Right, right.
And I, (audience laughing) and I have a physique,
my physique is like an overripe banana.
(Conan and audience laughing)
I'm all squidgy.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm always gonna, I've always gonna send
for those things to get abs and all that.
[Conan] Right, right, right.
But I never seem to get round to it.
But there, I was touring New Zealand
and they invented the bungee,
and they have the highest bungee jump in the world.
And it's from a cable car into a gorge.
Oh my God, that's gotta be hundreds of feet.
And if you do it naked, it's free.
(audience laughing)
Versus what, like $35 or something?
Yes, that's a lot of money.
Okay, all right. (audience laughing)
And if you do it, not naked,
all the money can fly out your pockets anyway.
[Conan] Right, right, right.
So I was- (audience laughing)
These are your reasons for bungee jumping naked,
Yeah. (audience laughing)
Saving $35, don't lose loose change.
But yeah, but you see, you have
to be Scottish to understand that.
[Conan] Right, right, right, I'm imagining so.
I remember I came to America and,
and there was homeless guy, saying,
"spare change", and I went, "spare change?,
I don't get the concept here", (audience laughing) but I-
So you bungee jump naked, is it if you're completely naked
and you're bungee jumping, forgive me for being crass,
but when you, there are certain forces working on you,
that's gotta be uncomfortable
when you hit the bottom part and everything is pulled down.
Yes, you get two lumps in the back of your neck, usually.
(audience laughing)
Well, I think we're out of time.
We are out of time!
(audience clapping)
I gotta mention this, Lemony Snicket's is the new film,
this is the new film.
Lemony Snicket, I'm a huge star in it,
went at a premiere last night,
and one of the interviewers asked me if I was in the movie.
[Conan] Aha, aha.
That really shrunk the ego a little.
(Conan and audience laughing)
Well.
It's, this is a, this is a big film though,
this is you, Jim Carrey.
It's huge, this is the most beautiful film
you'll see this year, I tell you.
That's fantastically good, Carrey is a genius.
Yes, he's a good man.
He really is.
He's a good man.
Well, Lemony Snicket's A series of Unfortunate Events opens
on Friday and always a pleasure having you on the show.
Oh the pleasure is mine.
You make, you make my job easy, Billy Connolly.
(audience cheering)