Hey, it's Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business
and life you love, and this is Q&A Tuesday.
Today's question comes from Blaine who writes:
"Hi, Marie.
Love your videos and I'm really hoping you can help with this one.
I find I have trouble separating my business from my sense of self.
I'm so fearful of criticism and judgment; it keeps me from putting my ideas out there
with a full heart.
I'm afraid people will discover I'm a fraud or I don't really know what I'm doing so I
keep my armor on and we all know that's not a way to serve the world.
Got any Marie wisdom on that?
Thank you so, so much."
Blaine, this is an awesome question and something every creator I know faces.
In fact, when I'm writing these MarieTV episodes I have those same thoughts go through my head.
As our show continues to gain more and more awesome fans and have an even bigger audience,
we're also gaining more and more critics, so I know exactly how you feel.
Here are four important things I want you to remember about criticism.
#1 -- We are all judged and criticized right now.
People judge and criticize you exactly as you are right now.
Maybe they're judging how you look or what you're choosing to do or not do with your
life, what you're eating or not eating, what you're wearing, what you're listening to,
and heck, if you tell the truth, you judge and criticize yourself constantly.
This is normal and it's part of being human.
I think Pink sang it best in her song "Try."
I know she's talking about romantic love but the same principles apply to putting your
ideas out into the world.
Take Pink, she is an amazing example.
Here's this huge mega talent, big big star, sure there's some people that don't like her,
but there's millions and millions of others who do.
You say you don't like Pink, you say she sucks, doesn't stop her now does it?
#2 -- The bigger game you play, the more criticism you'll receive.
It's just how it goes.
The more you put yourself out there and take a stand for something you believe in, the
more people seem to come out of the woodwork and try and tear you down, but you got to
get used to it if you want to come off the sidelines and play in the big leagues.
But here's the thing; criticism is just another form of people's opinions, and opinions are
like a certain part of the human anatomy.
Everyone has one and most of them stink.
#3 -- Who are you really going to listen to?
I for one have never received a piece of hurtful criticism from someone who's actually out
there accomplishing things in the world, and I've certainly never received it from anyone
that I admire.
Most successful people are too darn busy creating things in the world and actually living their
lives to have time to harshly criticize and judge you.
The majority of the time, the people who are the harshest critics are creative cowards.
They are bystanders on the sidelines of life who risk nothing and create nothing.
As Chuck Palahniuk says, and it's definitely a tweetable:
"It's easy to attack and destroy an act of creation.
It's a lot more difficult to perform one."
Realize it's easy for lazy people to point out what you're doing wrong, but you got to
ask yourself, "Are you really going to let them have power over your life?"
When you're on your deathbed, are you going to look back on your life and feel a sense
of pride that you avoided criticism?
#4 -- Most criticism is irrelevant.
Most criticism is not constructive; it's just someone's opinion.
For example, let's say your friend hates chocolate; does that mean chocolate sucks?
No.
In fact, I'm not a huge fan of chocolate, especially dark chocolate.
Does that mean I'm hurting dark chocolate's feelings?
No I'm not.
The point is my opinion makes it no less valid or delicious except to me.
To wrap this up Blaine, I want to share two of my favorite quotes about criticism.
The first is from Teddy Roosevelt:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust
and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again;
because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive
to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in
a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end of the triumph of high achievement and
who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly.
So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory
nor defeat."
And finally, here's something we all need to remember when we're about to judge or criticize
someone.
One of my favorite quotes of all time:
"Judging a person does not define who they are, it defines who you are."
Blaine, that was my A to your Q. Thank you so much for asking it.
Now I'd love to hear from you.
Have you ever faced harsh criticism?
If so, what did you do to overcome it?
Did it take you out or did you do something to get back on the horse?
I would love to hear your experience.
As always, the best discussions happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com so go
there and leave a comment now.
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Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special
gift that only you have.
Thank you so much for watching and I'll catch you next time on MarieTV.