As the start time neared, we took our seats.
This is the first time I've ever been to a car auction.
It's fantastic.
-It's exciting. -You could leave with anything.
At auctions in the past,
normally I'm the one at the back, drunk out of my mind,
-bidding for signed rugby balls. -Those are charity auctions.
Ladies and gentlemen, we will now get the first car in.
Here we go.
-What is that? -A London taxi.
-Now, Lancester... -LG2.
-1953, no documents, condition three. -No documents.
Where are we gonna start with this one? 500, quickly.
500? 500. Thank you, sir.
What are you doing?
Let's get on with it.
It's the first -one.
I'm doing what I used to do in nightclubs in Yorkshire.
700? 700.
-I'm going ugly early. -800.
You go and get the first one you can.
-1,000. Bid at 1,000. -It's a car, I'm after it.
-1,000 pounds. -Give it to me.
-Thank you, sir. -That's my car.
You bought it. You madman.
Look at the back of it.
What do you mean go ugly early?
Because you go in. I've been doing it in nightclubs.
When I was in Ripon as a kid, we'd walk into a nightclub,
the first girl that's breathing in and out, I walked up to her,
'Love, how are you doing?'
You pulled. That's it. Job done.
Your mates, they can, 'In a minute. Let's see what's gonna turn up'.
And she didn't. We're stuck.
The next lot was a tasty Ford Cortina.
Hang on.
On my right, 220, 220, 40, 240, 60, 280,
280, 300.
I have 320.
-I bid. -You're still in it.
420, 440.
I'm not sure a want a convert-- I want a convertible.
Oh, have it.
If you chicken out now, you're not gonna get it.
Go on. Come on.
Quickly, 540.
No, I'm hanging on.
Several terrible cars came and went.
What in the hell is this?
-It's an Austin 7. -I'm not interested.
Then finally, a convertible arrived.
Hang on.
And Top Gear's auction new boy went mad.
2.4, 2.5, 2.6, 2.9. At 2.9.
Three thousand.
-3.1, 3.2, 3.3. -You're making a mistake.
-What are you bidding on? -3.4.
-3.5, 3.6. -Yes.
222.
-That's it. -Have you thought...?
Holy... I just bought that. How much have I paid for it?
3,600.
That's why I've got 600 of my own money in there.
-Yes, sir. -Oh my God. What have I done?
Well, at least he done something
unlike James who, as car after car went by...
-Bid. -No.
...still refused to buy.
You'll see, my patience will be rewarded.
-Come on, James. You want a Spitfire. -Not today.
James, it's in budget, you like the colour.
Bid.
James was being so stubborn, I decided to bid on his behalf.
1,450, 1,500.
Did he just bid on that, you half-wit?
-With your number. -Oh, I see.
James, I'm warning you. If you don't buy something in a minute, this is mine.
It's a Bristol, but it's got the wrong engine,
so it's not worth much.
Watch this.
Someone start me 5,000. Get me away.
And 5.2, 5.4, 5.6.
-That's... -We're out.
-6.2, 6.4. -I wanted that.
6.8, 7,000.
So, Captain Cautious, what are you gonna do now?
You're starting now to look like you're in trouble.
There's plenty more stuff coming through.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're now coming up to the last lot.
-What? -The very last lot.
-Oh God. -Oh mate.
No, it's... It looks good. It's nice.
I don't want that.
Seriously, what do we do? Because I don't want a Citroen.
550, 600, 700.
You've gotta bid, mate. You've got no noice.
-700. -You've got no choice.
-900 quid? -Bid.
1,050, 1,100.
1,150, 1,200.
-Oh my God. -You're gonna buy it.
1,350, 1,400, 1,450.
-It's a lovely colour. -1,500.
And 1,500.
Nice.
Yes, worth every penny.
It was time to inspect what we bought.
Look at it in here. It's like driving around in a radiogram.
Listen to that.
This has not got an MOT.
I booked it in and get a ticket on it.
First they're going to say, "You're running on..." How many--
-Three. -Yes.
It sounds good. We'll get it going. I'm confident. This is a classic.
And it was a damn sight bigger than Jeremy's classic.
This is gonna be a remarkable thing. watching you fold yourself into a Midget.
-It isn't a Midget. -It is.
-It's an Austin Healey. -Built in-- It's not...
-It's a hairy- chested man's car. -No, that's the big Healey.
This is just a little tiny Healey built in the same factory as the MG Midget.
It isn't. The only difference between this and a Midget is an MG badge.
-Oh. -Let me help you.
Yeah, you see?
Hang on. Let's do this scientifcally.
There is the top of the windscreen.
Still, at least my car wasn't medieval.
In 1977, you couldn't drink the water in France
and they hadn't heard of an ignition key.
How about that?
What a dismal racket.
It was time to receive our challenge.
You have been entered in a classic time trial rally
on the sunshine island of Majorca.
Ah, Majorca, means...
Bad food, prawn shells and everything.
-What? -Driving on the other side of the road.
They do.
My steering was on the wrong side of the car.
Okay, so you have two weeks to prepare your cars
and ship them there.
For a classic time time...?
Time trial. I know what they are. My wife does these.
They're those ones where you have to get from A to B on difficult roads
and you have to average a certain speed
which is within the speed limit, but you have to average it.
We are talking some properly anal stuff here.
How do you make a car ready for a rally?
I don't know.
To find out, we took our cars for a spin.
So faults. Let's just go through the faults.
That window won't wind up. No big deal. And the hood here doesn't fit properly.
Other than those tiny things, it's ready to rally, this one.
Our 32 horsepower to be precise.
While waiting for a booking at the MOT Centre,
I discovered something amazing.
Hold on a second.
My granddad worked at Mullenirs,
the coachbuilders, and in the 1950s when he was there,
they were making Hillman Humber standard and Lanchester.
This car's 1953, so my granddad built this car.
This-- This actual car. He was working at Mulliners, when it was...
And this is what he did. He was a coachbuilder. He built this car.
While Richard was having his who-do-you-think-you-are moment,
I was not very far away, still not going very fast.
Nought to 60. I'll give you a few seconds to have an educated guess.
No, 31.7 seconds