People are trying to steal my gender?
I... It's personal.
Before you watch this video,
let me know in the comments whose gender you want to steal.
Hello underachievers!
So you may have realized that I am in a different room to usual
and that is because I realized that I spent way too much time worrying about
how the background looked and how the lighting looked that I started not enjoying filming,
because I was worried about how it looked,
which is so dumb, because I film because it's fun,
and I like making videos
and it made it not fun.
So, I'm sorry that it doesn't look as fun,
but this is more enjoyable for me.
So lately I've been feeling like an old man, which as I look at myself saying that,
that sounds ridiculous.
I am a baby, but every single time that I mention my age...
I'm like: "Yeah, I'm 21",
people just like: "You're not 21, you're like 14.
You're like prepubescent!"
I get it, but also sometimes I just feel old,
because there are so many things that I hear about
online nowadays that I would have kept up with when I was 15, and now I just don't.
And I know I look youthful, but I'm not as down with the kids today as I used to be.
I know it's obnoxious for young people to complain about feeling old.
I don't actually feel old.
We'll just get on with the video.
So there's this new term.
I think it's new, that I have been hearing a lot of, recently.
It's called "gender envy".
And I know I'm dedicating an entire video to it, but I'm still not quite sure what it means.
But yeah, today, let's explore gender envy!
It would be nice for us to go on this journey together.
If you don't know what gender envy is...
That's cool! I don't either.
Or if you do know what gender envy is, you can just watch me struggle to understand it.
I will, of course, be taking corrections in the comments section.
So I first heard the time when I was looking through my Twitter indirects,
which I know...
I shouldn't look through my Twitter indirects, and I know it makes me seem self-obsessed,
which, I'm not gonna lie!
I wish youtubers and like, influencers
would stop pretending that they're not even like, slightly self-obsessed.
Like, our job is taking pictures and videos of ourselves and being like:
"Oh! Other people want to see this!"
Like, how like...
I have come to terms with the fact that I am, maybe, too interested in what people think of me,
but my self-obsession comes from anxiety.
It does not come from loving myself.
I'm just terrified of what people are gonna say and, you know what?
I used to read my Twitter indirects and they used to be mostly mean,
and I was like: "Oh, God, I need to know what people are saying about me,
because I need to know if I'm doing something wrong!"
But now they're just nice.
So I was looking through my indirects last night and I came across these tweets:
"Noah Finnce. Surrender your gender and I may spare your toes from their inevitable demise".
They want me to surrender my gender, and I'll do it!
I enjoy having toes.
I am not a foot fetishizer, but I think I have good feet.
Beautiful, curve, soft, supple skin.
Obviously, like, I hate the Internet, but I also love it.
I also love that people have started calling me "bestie" now.
Say: "Hi bestie!" in the comments.
We've also got this one, it says:
"Noah Finnce makes me feel gender envy as [ ]".
I think that is badly translated, but you get the point.
And then, the last one is:
"Noah Finnce, you've earned a spot on my gender envy list".
I saw all these indirects for the first time last night and I was like:
"What the hell is going on?!"
Now that it is being... It is in...
People are trying to steal my gender...
I... It's personal.
So, my idea of what gender envy is, at this moment in time, is that
a person will see the way that somebody else presents and be like:
"Oh! I want some of that! Give me...!
Give me some of your gender!"
Like, they see somebody and their presentation and they're like:
"I want to be like that!
Which I can absolutely relate to with so many people.
Anytime I see someone with cheekbones, I'm like:
"Why? Why can I not have them?"
So here is what gender envy is, apparently:
"Gender envy is being envious of someone else's gender.
It can be because of how they present, how they talk, how they act.
Anything that makes them envious of how they can't do it yet, but wish they could".
So I think I understand that. The thing that...
Is like, in my head, that's confusing me this entire time is like,
you're jealous of someone's gender...
I don't know what that means.
Gender is how you identify personally,
so surely if you're like jealous of somebody else's gender, then you're like:
"Oh, that is my gender", but...
Do you see why I'm confused?
So, here's a slightly different take on it. Someone said:
"Gender envy is like the new 'oh, my god, transition goals!" kind of.
I get gender every from particular project revolution Frank Iero era, for example.
The way he looks, the way he is. I want it.
I envy his gender and him being so comfy".
So, like, I get this so bad.
I never looked for like, trans representation.
I was on a panel the other day and like, I was asked who I looked up to,
like, which trans people I looked up to.
I didn't do that!
In my brain, pretty much my entire life, before I even knew that I was trans,
the characters and the people that I wanted to grow up to be were just guys.
Like, they were just men. They were just cis men.
Like, I was obsessed with Spider-Man. I, like, looked up to Spider-Man and I was like:
"I want to be Peter Parker!"
Whereas like, nowadays, I still don't see someone's transition and I'm like:
"Oh, I want that".
Because like, to me, there's no merit in doing that?
Like, there's no point, because everybody's body reacts differently to testosterone.
And I feel like it's a thing in like, the trans masc community,
especially with like, people that are pretty,
they see someone start testosterone and the next month they have a beard,
and then, the person's: "Oh, I want that! Like, I want that!"
And it's just not... Like, I understand where that stems from, but it's just not realistic.
Like, you look at my transition, I think about this often.
I literally been on testosterone for 3 years and I do not have a single facial hair.
You can barely see my Adam's apple,
I'm skinny and I look like a twink,
and I have the body of like, a 14 year old child.
And that's fine!
But I don't know, I feel like there's gonna be less disappointment
if like, you're realistic about this kind of stuff.
Like, I'm not gonna start testosterone and then look at the Rock and be like:
"Yeah! That's what I'm gonna look like".
Just to comment on what Luca said: "I envy his gender and him being so comfy in it".
I feel like, obviously, I must have experienced gender envy...
Like, nothing is real! Like, gender envy, it is a feeling!
It obviously exists, but whatever...
Something that I have nowadays is that I don't look at someone and I think:
"I want to look like them". Well, I do. That's a lie. I just lied.
But, the majority of the time, when I'm like:
"Oh, I want to be him", it's not because of how he looks,
it's how he presents his confidence.
Like, I don't want to look like Yungblud. Yungblud looks great.
Like he's really cool, but like, just seeing how confident he is.
Like he could just walk out completely naked and be entirely comfortable with himself.
I can't do that, but I aspire to have that level of confidence.
So somebody else said:
"For me, it's wanting someone's vibe? Like an insane need to be perceived in the same way as
someone else I think is cool or pretty because of how they look and/or act".
Which makes a lot of sense, my only confusion here is like,
when does something become gender envy?
Like...
Sorry.
When does something...
I'm sure some people in the comments can answer this question, but like:
Where is the line between wanting someone's vibe,
like enjoying how someone looks aesthetically
and wanting that for yourself?
And then, where is the line between that and it being a gender thing?
Because I have a feeling that it's like...
It's got like... It's feet in the trans community.
I'm just wondering where that translates...
So this person said:
"Some people think that having jealousy over an aesthetic means that they have gender envy.
It makes cis people think they're trans when they just wish they had
a certain general aesthetic about themselves".
So I think this! This is like, the line.
'Cause like, surely everybody sees this particular person.
Surely everybody sees a particular person and they're like:
"Wow, I really vibe with this person's vibe".
I literally sound like a stoner the half the time I talk,
but like, where does gender come into it?
Will I find the answer to this? Or is there not really an answer?
So that last tweet proves to me that there is like, discourse surrounding this entire thing.
I feel like anything gender related will eventually have discourse about it,
because, you know, trans people. We love a bit of a chat.
The idea that I'm getting is that a lot of trans people
are pissed off that some cis people are saying they have gender envy,
when really what the cis people have is like, a want for someone else's vibe.
But then again, is that what gender envy is?
Am I wrong? Like, I don't know.
So at this point, I don't really have an answer.
So, you know, where are all the answers?
Where is all the intelligent discourse held?
TikTok! Yep!
Secondary only to Urban Dictionary.
Obviously, I'm joking.
Probably shouldn't get all your opinions from TikTok,
and all your political views from there, but like...
TikTok is great!
So I looked up on TikTok,
and apparently, there's a bunch of gender envy discourse that I've been missing out on.
So let's look at some gender envy TikToks.
I feel like I should just point out that I have missed out on this
because the majority of my TikTok is videos of dogs.
Here is my current favorite TikTok:
So that's what I've been spending my time watching.
"I don't understand gender envy... I've never experienced it".
That's just a bunch of anime characters, right?
This is just making me more confused.
I'm assuming this person just likes the look of people who look androgynous?
I feel like anime characters always look really androgynous.
So now we've got: "Gender envy, but it makes less and less sense".
I get it!
OK, so we got Rodrick, which...
Good, good... Good choice.
We got Robin Hood, who is a fox.
Which really, really, really, confuses me!
I haven't seen this Robin Hood.
Why is he a fox?
The guy from 'Robots' kind of makes sense,
because I swear like, he started off with like, girl robot pieces?
Canon trans man.
But then we end up with like, sleeves?
And books?
And coffee. Guitar.
I get it. I understand...
What has it got to do with gender?
I was thinking about this the other day, and it sounds very not like me,
it just sounds really wanky.
But there is definitely an experience that trans people have
that we cannot explain to cis people in regards to this kind of stuff.
Like, our relationship to the rest of the world is, obviously, going to be different
to cis people's relationship to the rest of the world.
But, my experience, in terms of this, like...
Every aspect of my life, including like, my presentation,
the people I surround myself with,
I always relate myself to them in terms of like:
"Oh! I'm shorter than this person", so to the rest of the world I look like a girl.
Or like: "Oh! This person has a deeper voice than me.
I am the woman in the relationship".
Even though it's like... I don't know?
Like, there's this unspoken shared experience that we all have.
And I definitely get how that reflects onto like,
a picture of some coffee, a picture of a guitar.
I feel like I'm probably looking into this way too deeply.
I think I understand it.
So I'm assuming, correct me if I'm wrong, that this started off as like "trans terminology"?
Somebody said earlier that it's like the equivalent of like:
"Oh, my God! Transition goals".
I've got the impression that this started as like a trans thing,
and then everybody was just like: "Oh, I like the term 'gender envy'".
And then kind of like, scooped it up, and they were like: "I experienced this".
Which I don't think cis people can experience
that kind of feeling in the same way that trans people can.
And that's not to say that like, cis people can't look at people that they admire,
or people that they like, enjoy the vibe of,
and like, not envy them.
But, surely, that would just be envy. That wouldn't be gender envy?
But I guess like, if I was cis and I was looking at a guy that was wearing a dress,
and I was like: "Oh, gender envy".
But, surely, that would just be like their presentation of their actual gender.
I don't know!
So this TikTok says:
"If you're cis and you've ever claimed to experience 'gender envy' you owe me $20".
Which is funny, I think. I think that's funny.
I can imagine like, being a trans...
I was about to say: "I can imagine being a trans person".
But I can imagine being a trans person very heavily into this gender envy thing,
and seeing it start out as like a trans thing, like: "Oh, transition goals!",
and then it being like swept up and turned into a different thing.
That'll be frustrating.
I would like to hear your thoughts on that in the comments.
Have I got that completely wrong?
I think I've got it kind of right.
So I also found this TikTok, and it says:
"You're not experiencing gender envy, you just think they're pretty".
'Pretty'...? Pretty!
"Which is a fair point, I think.
I think for trans people, especially,
seeing a person who's like, presentation you wish you could have is such a strong feeling.
Especially pre-transition.
Like, obviously, if you're like a 13 year old cis girl and you see like,
a really pretty grown up woman, you're like:
"I want to be her". That's one thing.
But like, from my experience, being like a 14 year old pre-transition girl,
seeing Frank Iero...
The longing that I had to look like that, was like...
I was gonna say "almost painful".
It was painful!
Because there was like, no part of my brain
that could like ever compute me looking like that.
It wasn't just the fact that he had a nice jawline, and he had cool hair.
It was the fact that like, biologically, we could not be more different!
Which is an absolute lie.
Like, female and male are not that different.
But I was like, so far removed in my presentation to this guy,
that like, the feeling I had was like...
It wasn't even just envy. It was like, sadness.
I would literally look at pictures of guys that I thought like: "Had my vibe".
I'd look at them and just like, get really upset and really sad,
and I'd compare myself to them constantly...
I would like, get a picture of like, a 30 year old man
and look at his waist to shoulder ratio.
And then like, take pictures of myself from behind,
where you could see that I had like, a pinched waist and tiny shoulders.
And I'd like, I constantly be like: "Wow! I will never, ever, ever, look like that".
And it wasn't even just in the sense of like: "Oh, they're better looking than me".
Like: "Oh, they have like, a nicer body than me".
It was this like disgusting disconnect.
That I wouldn't wish on anybody, but I don't think...
Unless it's like, an experience of like, body dysmorphia, which is kind of similar.
I don't think that's something that cis people really experience.
And even in the way that I'm like, describing it,
I can see like, gaps in the things that I've said that could make people be like:
"No, it's the same thing. We all get that".
But I know in my brain that it's not... I just can't get the words outright.
So like, I 100% understand that frustration.
So I thought what would be fun to end this video is if I told you my gender envy list,
which I have just written down now!
And it is not complete. I just thought it would be fun.
So here's just a fun memory that I had while filming this video:
When me and my brother were really, really, young,
on the weekends, we would wake up really, really, early and run downstairs as fast as we could,
sit in front of the TV and immediately, like bagsie, the characters that we wanted to be.
Bagsie means like "shotgun". Like bagsy, shotgun.
Or like dibbs?
I don't know like, we don't all speak the same language!
But we'd be like: "Oh, bagsie Spiderman",
or like: "Bagsie Zach from Zach and Cody".
"Bagsie Drake from Drake and Josh".
It would always be boys. It would never be girls,
which is really funny, like even as a very young child, I was like:
"No. Man".
But yeah, for some reason, we just did that.
It made no sense. It had no bearing on the rest of the day.
But yeah, I identified with characters back then.
So my gender envy list:
Kovu, from 'The Lion King 2".
I feel like I don't need to explain this.
Every kid that watched 'The Lion King 2',
looked at Kovu and was like: "He's a good looking lion".
And I'm not attracted to animals. I'm not kin with animals.
I'm not a furry. Nothing against furries.
But, you know? Kovu from 'The Lion King 2', I wanted to be him.
I knew I would never achieve that.
I also had gender envy for Jake from 'Tweenies'.
He was so orange, he had blonde hair.
I always wanted blonde hair.
I had blonde hair when I was a kid, and then it went brown, and I got so upset.
And now, my hair is yellow.
I also have gender envy for Frank Iero.
Very obviously why...
Very obviously why? What?
It is very obvious why.
He made me want to start guitar and it's not that I just like looked up to him,
I wanted to be him so bad that it hurt.
But just seeing how much he lost it on stage
and like, how comfortable he was in himself with doing that.
I do gender envy.
I had gender envy with this guy from 'Freaks and Geeks'.
I don't know why.
I just wanted to be somebody's little brother, because I was always someone's little sister.
I guess this gender envy list is just a list of people who I wanted to be.
I can't think up right now who I gender envy, but, you know...
I'm sure it's there, somewhere.
But yeah, let me know in the comments what you think of gender envy!
Do you think it's just like, a specific trans experience?
Do you think it doesn't matter if you're trans or cis?
Do you think everybody can experience it?
Let me know down in the comments what you think!
I'm genuinely interested,
and I want to learn if this is even something that like, can be objective.
But yeah, that's the end of the video!
How do you feel about it?
Why did I ask that?
But yeah, I definitely enjoy just setting up a camera, and a light, and filming.
I don't enjoy giving a [ ] about how the background looks,
or how like, lights look.
It's cool for other people. I just...
It gives me anxiety.
And it's also probably the reason why I haven't been filming as many videos as I usually did,
because it stresses me out thinking: "Oh, God! I gotta set up!"
But yeah, it's the end of the video!
Have a good day, or don't.
Who do you gender envy?
Have a good day, or don't.
See you later losers!
Goodbye!
Time for a punch.
I have 2 rings on this hand.
But no rings on this hand.
What does that mean?