Hello Brains!
A lot of you have asked, "I feel like I might have ADHD but I don't know how to talk
to my parents about it. Any suggestions?"
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I get this question a lot so I wanted to take the time to answer it.
I completely understand. Not knowing what's going on in your brain can be
really scary and it can be even scarier to talk to someone about it.
But, if you're under 18, that's the first thing you'll want to do. ADHD isn't something
you can diagnose yourself. You'll need your parents help and the help of a doctor
who can assess you to see if the things that are going on are because of ADHD
or something else. So this is what I suggest:
Tell your parents what's up.
Maybe don't start with, "The internet says I have ADHD." Instead, let them know
specifically what you're struggling with and that you feel like you might need help.
It can be hard to talk about this at first so sometimes it might help to
write down what you're going to say so that you don't forget.
Tell them what you know.
If you feel comfortable with it tell them why you think it might be ADHD.
Show them printouts of any online tests you've taken or research you've done.
Online tests can't tell you if you have it but it can give you a sense of whether or not
you have enough symptoms that it might be worth getting checked out.
Be patient.
You've probably been thinking about this for a while but it might be the first time
they've heard of it. Understand that they might need a little time to process.
Ask to see a doctor.
ADHD is more complicated than people think and no one is qualified to
diagnose it except for a medical or mental health professional.
Until you see a doctor, everything is just guessing. A pediatrician is a good place to start.
They may assess and treat you themselves if they're familiar with ADHD or they
may refer you to a psychiatrist. And, even if the doctors suspect you have ADHD,
they'll want to rule out other possibilities first. If you can't get to a doctor,
a school counselor can also assess you although they won't be able to treat you.
Get educated together.
There are a lot of misconceptions about ADHD. For one thing you don't have to be
hyperactive. About a third of kids with ADHD aren't. Research is beginning to
suggest that girls are just as likely to have it as boys. And kids with ADHD can
focus, sometimes hyper-focus, just not on things that don't engage their brains in
the right way. And, while it's true that ADHD doesn't generally get worse over time and the
symptoms can actually get better, when left untreated it can come with baggage.
Low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression are all common with ADHD.
Be skeptical about scare tactics.
While it might take time to find the right medication or dose, proper treatment
does not turn kids into zombies or drug addicts. In fact, some studies suggest
that it may actually decrease the risk of substance abuse.
Oh, and watch out for quick fixes, too. If "curing" ADHD was as simple as avoiding TV,
trans fats, or sugars I wouldn't be here right now. Look for reliable sources of information
like CHADD.org, which provides science- based information on ADHD.
Understood.org is a great resource for parents as well.
Books such as "Driven to Distraction" and "The Unfocused Mind" can give you a really
clear picture about what ADHD really is. The other things I hear a lot are, "But if I
get diagnosed won't people look at me differently?" "Won't it go on my record?"
"Will I have a hard time getting a job or getting into college?" If you do get
diagnosed, at least in the U.S., you don't have to share it with anyone except your
parents and your doctor. Except in rare cases, employers never need to know.
You don't have to tell anyone you're not comfortable with telling. But if you're still
worried, here are six things you should know:
1) ADHD is common.
Around eleven percent of kids in the U.S. ages 4 to 17 have been diagnosed with it.
2) ADHD is highly treatable.
And getting the right treatment can make a huge difference in your quality of life,
school, work, relationships.
3) ADHD isn't your fault.
It does not mean you're lazy or a bad kid. It's a neurodevelopmental disorder.
And a ton of research has confirmed that ADHD brains function differently and are
structured differently than brains without ADHD.
It's not about trying harder. So when people tell you to try harder remember:
finding solutions that work for you is trying harder.
4) ADHD comes with perks!
ADHD brains tend to be intelligent, creative, and powerful. As Dr. Ned
Hallowell describes it: having an ADHD brain is like having a Ferrari engine
and bicycle brakes. You'll win races as long as you figure out how to stop crashing.
Treatment can help you develop your brakes so you can do just that.
5) For most people who take ADHD medication, myself included,
it's very effective. But medication is not the only option. It's just one
of many tools that can help including cognitive behavioral therapy, ADHD
coaching, and accommodations at school. Which tools you end up using are
totally up to you and your parents.
And 6) An ADHD diagnosis is just a way to define a set of symptoms you struggle with.
It does not define you.
ADHD is a spectrum. If you do get diagnosed it just means that you
struggle with enough of the symptoms to qualify for a diagnosis. And, if you don't
get diagnosed, you might still need a little extra help. My boyfriend/Co-Producer
isn't diagnosed with ADHD but he still takes notes on every video I do
because a lot of them help him with things that he has trouble with.
No matter what happens, whether or not you get a diagnosis, whether or not
you even see a doctor, don't worry. While you need a diagnosis to be medicated
you don't need one to get the support that you need or to find strategies that can help you succeed.
Now give your parents a hug. This was probably a tough conversation for them, too.
That's it for this week.
I've provided links in the description below that can help you and your parents
learn more about ADHD as well as a test just for your parents to take.
Fun!
If you're new to the channel and would like to learn more about ADHD and tools
that can help, subscribe.
See you next week!
Bye Brains!
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