- If you tend to lack confidence
and feel down about yourself
you are not alone, so many of us fear that we're messing up
as parents or just worry that we're not good enough.
It's pretty much the most common fear that we parents have
and many of us live under the tyranny of a mean spirited
inner critic that is constantly pointing out our failures
and just telling us how much we suck.
But think for a moment how you would respond to your child
saying that they're not good enough.
Or to your best friend being so worried
that they're messing it up.
If your child makes a mistake,
you would want them to know that
mistakes are just learning opportunities.
That they can recover from mistakes and move on.
You would want them to know that they are good enough,
that they are valuable and worthy, just as they are.
You would want them to know that they could always
learn, grow, change, adapt,
you would want them to know that they are flexible
and adjustable and resilient.
So, why are you treating yourself any differently
than you would treat your child?
Why can't you also be learning, growing
changing, on a journey?
When you feel down on yourself, speak to yourself
the way you would to your child.
Adapting a growth mindset means that you understand
that you can learn and change,
that you are not stuck where you first begun.
That mistakes and failures don't define you,
but they are in face simply learning opportunities
and just an inevitable part of being human.
That people can and do change.
That behaviors, thoughts and feelings are adaptable,
shapeable, and moldable, that your brain plasticity
doesn't end in childhood, we grow and change throughout
the span of our life and research proves this to be true.
When you adopt a growth mindset,
you know that you can be flexible.
When you come at parenting from this mindset,
you will be so much more confident in yourself.
You won't magnify your mistakes and focus on all the ways
you're messing up, feeling like this defines you
and it's insurmountable.
Instead, you'll brush off the mistakes,
call yourself a human and try again!
You'll be kinder to yourself,
knowing that you're on a growth journey like the rest of us
and that there's no such thing as perfect.
When you adapt a growth mindset,
judgements and criticisms from other people will just
roll off your back, they won't stick,
because you'll know that's not you,
other people's thoughts or judgements or your own mistakes
and shortcomings don't define you.
They don't mean anything about you
except that you're on a journey, one more stepping stone,
one more stage to go through.
You'll actually be grateful for those mistakes
and for those hard times because that's what makes
you grow and learn, it develops your perspective
and your empathy and your wisdom.
It will help you to show up even better next time.
And even more importantly, a growth mindset will quieten
that inner tyrant whose telling you you're not good enough.
That is such a useless voice,
how does it help us?
Instead of that voice, you'll begin to strengthen
the whisper that you are good enough.
That you're good enough just as you are,
imperfect like the rest of us,
and that the you that you are, always growing, adapting
and changing so how can we ever judge it as not good enough
when it's constantly changing and evolving being.
When you adapt a growth mindset,
you'll be more flexible, compassionate and forgiving
towards yourself and towards others.
This will lead you to feel so much more confident,
so much calmer and really find an inner peace.
(lighthearted music)