So, how can I make a video about this without it sounding THAT problematic?
Hey guys, how are you? Great? That's awesome!
So, religion exists...
There we go. It exists. It is a thing that people do on their free time.
Back in my religious day,
whenever we would go to church, once a week, because we didn't have time for that,
the pastor man would always give us this white, clear wafer along with a small cup of red juice.
The white wafer was very very slim and very very very, like, brittle.
And they would call that white wafer 'the Body of Christ'.
And we would have to take 'the Body of Christ' put it in in our mouth and swallow it! *that is how eating works*
I'm not gonna sit here and judge religion, but cannibalism is KIND OF a bad thing?
Now, I always thought that, because this is "the Body of Christ",
it was something that you cannot find anywhere else but church.
Like, it was distributed in this small little circle of Illuminati-church-men;
every piece is blessed by a priest out in Jerusalem, I don't know.
I just thought there was some big religious mess behind this entire situation.
Until today!
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the Body of Christ.
Also known as Cal-vah-HAA*screech of a dying soul*AALAHH (Cavanagh)
It's Finnish.
For $12 and an Amazon account you can buy yourself not just ONE simple piece of the sacred Body of Christ,
but a container full of a thousand pieces of Christ. That is a lot of Jesus!
Once again, I'm not gonna sit here and judge religion, but, like, what happened?
I haven't had one of these in quite a while. The last time I had one of these was... *Mac thinking*
Damn, THAT long ago.
*reading* Made from only pure wheat flour and water.
Oh
I went on the Internet, hopelessly scrolling, trying to find out what these are made of.
And very answer told me: 'the Body of CHRIST' - in an aggressive way?!
Like, who do we think we are?
Why don't we try some?
Let's try the Body of Christ.
Ah, huh, am I going to Hell for this? I'm probably going to Hell for a lot of other things than this, let's be honest...
Wait! We obviously cannot consume the Body of Christ without some tea
It has Jesus on it. I have no idea where this cup came from, it just appeared in my cupboard.
Well, you know what they say? Jesus...
...
... ...
... ... ...
Take the wheel.
... ... ...
What?
Ha!
Oh!?
It smells... holy! Does holy have a smell?
Oh, look, it has a little cross on it, for Jesus!
Okaaay? Here we go!
It tastes like literally nothing. Is that a metaphor? Oh, my God!
JESUS!
You know what?
You put, like, a little hint of lime on them and some salt, these could actually be a bomb-ass chips.
Kinda soggy, but, like, BOMB!
Wow, who knew that Jesus' body could be such a light and healthy snack? *Hannibal Lecter*
You could throw a great party with these!
Getting down and groovy with all your disciples! Jesus knows what's up.
What makes wheat flour pure? Has it not been touched by a penis? *Yes, Mac, absolutely true...*
Am I allowed to say that with this in front of me?
I'm sorry, Jesus.
*wheezing and coughing* *he's dying, basically*
That was a bad idea. Jesus attacked! He attacked my throat! Someone call Mother Mary!
("Praise Jesus")
Now my mouth is terribly dry.
And what a better way to wash down Jesus' stale body than with the Blood of Christ?!
Yep, it gets better! (Not for all you non-religious-ees!)
Along with the Body of Christ, they gave us a small little cup of juice, like I said before,
and then they told us that that juice was supposedly the 'blOOd of Christ'!
So, not did we just eat the body of Christ, we also drank the blood of Jesus!
Because religion exists. I don't know how else to explain it.
No judgement, but...
*The Smile of Judgement...*
Cutting through this box like Jesus cut...
*Nice work, Mac...*
I don't know religion, so I can't make any puns about this. *what a shame...*
Oh hoo hooo ho hooo *cry/laughter*
Ooh, this is horrific. Here we have it; the Blood of Christ. In all of it's awkwardly foggy glory.
Oh look!
It comes with its own Body of Christ!
Who knew that the Body of Christ could come in different shapes and sizes?
Wow! What a great moral!
So, this is like your own personal Communion. Your Communion on the go! Your CommuniGO! Hahahaa!
I know somebody else probably thought that up, but as of right now I am a comedic genius.
Okay, so here we go; Blood of Christ
Is it supposed to smell like grape juice? Is this grape juice?
Is Jesus' blood made out of grape juice?
This what they're trying to us in the religious-ness?
This what they told us in the Bible?
You know when you have too much of that good good wine, your blood just turns straight into grapes.
Come on, Jesus! Down my throat you go!
*sip, sip, motherf**ker*
*regret*
*loud regret
Nooo!
It tastes like a warm-ass grape-flavoured CapriSun, but with, like, no sugar. So, it's just, like, grapes...
It's like they cut open the grape, squeezed it and was, like, "Beverage?"
So, now I just have a whole lot of Body and Blood of Christ and nothing to do with it.
You know what that means!
*choral children singing* "Yes, Jesus loves me!"
"Yes, Jesus loves me!"
"The Bible tells me so!"
Yep!
I'm going to hell.
Obviously, we can't forget about the Blood! Ahaha!
Ahh! It got in my eye! Oh, no... :'( *Mac crying/screaming*
That was a bad decision. But, what else is new?
I was gonna wear this shirt outside today, but now it's covered in Jesus blood.
Thank you guys so much for watching!
I bet you the people who made this didn't think that one day they'd be poured upon a gay, black man.
Oh, no, all these Bodies of Christ have just caught the gay!
Anyways, I am Mac, and don't forget to like, comment, share and subscree-BAY!
BWAAAH!
(Jesus is my best friend/My best friend/My best friend) Ghosts - Black Cereal
(Jesus is my best friend/He's always there for me) Ghosts - Black Cereal