- Hi guys, my name is Ieva,
and I am one of Greta's High Value Women Coaches.
And today we're gonna be talking
about how to deal with difficult in-laws.
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So without further ado, let's jump into the video.
My tip number one is to keep things simple
and don't get into deep conversations with your in-laws.
Don't get into conversations about either religion
or politics, especially if you know
that your in-laws have a different opinion about it
simply because if you're not gonna see eye to eye
on a topic like this, it's gonna lead to frustration.
The best thing that you can do is to simply talk
about easy and simple topics,
simply because the chances of conflict
is then very, very low.
For example, you can talk about how your day is going,
ask them how their day is going.
Talk about the weather or what's new in their lives.
If the conversation still ends up going
in a negative direction and you can't leave the situation
because you're talking eye to eye or in a small group
and it would be awkward for you to leave,
then simply listen more and talk less.
Especially when you notice
that the conversation is getting negative.
If it gets too much, you can always go
and check what your husband or boyfriend is doing
and hang out with him during that time.
This is a very important tip,
so this point is extremely important
when it comes down to conversations
because you do not want to screw up with your in-laws.
They might simply think that their son
is the best catch in the entire world
and maybe they might be thinking
that you are simply not good enough for him, et cetera.
So by keeping things simple and friendly
you do not give too much away about your own life
or your own life problems,
so they don't have things to pick on.
My tip number two is to be respectful and nice.
Whatever you do, do not be disrespectful to your in-laws,
always say thank you and please
and always address them respectfully and politely.
If you already do this and you are polite and well mannered
they will already like you.
Don't nag at your husband or boyfriend in general,
but especially when you are in a environment
where your in-laws or his family members are around,
make sure you guys are on the same page
and you're good to each other and you don't start conflicts
with each other when you're at your in-laws.
If your in-laws are telling a story, you listen,
if you in-laws speak a different language
than you and you don't understand the language
or if they don't speak English very well,
do your absolute best to understand them.
And don't make smirks about their grammar mistakes
or their English speaking skills.
So basically listen to the stories they have to say
even if they do not interest you,
simply because that shows that you're respectful
and you're being polite and you are patient.
If you are at a family gathering and you guys have eaten
and you're in-laws are there, make sure you stand up
and help clean up the table or offer help.
I would not even offer help,
I would just stand up and do it, help clean up.
I personally think that's a must.
It doesn't matter that you're a guest,
you simply give a helping hand
and it will show that you're being respectful towards them.
And in most cases, if you go to your in-laws' house
it will mostly be your boyfriend's
or husband's mother that cooks in most cases
or the aunt or anyway the older woman,
so it is a must that you help clean up.
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Tip number three is your husband
should be the one who has your back.
I personally think that this is the most important point.
Your husband or fiance, or a long term boyfriend
or your guy needs to have your back.
If you are disrespected at the family table
by someone from his side of the family,
he should be able to stand up for you and say something.
He is your partner and he is your man,
so if someone makes a smirk or remark
he must be able to address it.
I think if he's too insecure or scared to do that,
I personally think it is a bad sign.
It's hard sometimes to stand up for yourself
when your in-laws have been mean to you, I totally get it.
And this is why your husband needs to have your back.
Also try and look at things neutrally.
If a conflict does occur,
if you in-laws or any side of his family
does say something that is not very nice,
think neutrally, actually think and consider,
did I actually say anything or do anything
to cause a conflict, to cause this form of a reaction?
If you actually didn't do absolutely anything
and they are just very rude or disrespectful for no reason,
then of course your husband needs to put his foot down.
However, if you did something wrong,
you have to sort it out yourself with the in-laws.
And a lot of the time
there won't just be a negative reaction out of nowhere,
it does happen, but a lot of the time it is caused
by something that you may be said that was rude
and you got that reaction.
So look at any conflict neutrally and see
if you can actually fix anything yourself
and just apologize if you did do something wrong.
My bonus tip is emotional control and boundaries.
I think it is very important or quite important
that you get on well with his family
and that his family gets on well with you.
You have to remember that every single person involved
is different and has been raised differently.
If it has been rocky at the start with in-laws,
it doesn't mean that it's over,
it doesn't mean that the hope is gone.
The two things that you will always benefit from
is having emotional control and setting boundaries.
If someone is being mean or rude to you,
you have to set a boundary to show them
that it's not okay to talk to you like that.
You simply have to set a boundary, it's not an option.
If you wanna be treated with respect,
you have to let people know
when they have crossed the line with you.
If someone is actually being loud and impulsive towards you,
be controlled and voice your opinion in a controlled tone.
The benefit of this is, is that you will simply be viewed
as a mature and wise woman
and you will be much more respected.
They also cannot put you in a box of the crazy girlfriend
or the dramatic woman, or she overreacts,
she's too sensitive, she takes everything personally.
They can't put you in all of these boxes
if you have emotional control and you don't be dramatic,
you act controlled and centered,
they cannot put you in a box.
If anything, they can put you in the box of,
she has her emotions intact
and that's a positive box to be in.
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Thank you so much for watching,
I hope you enjoyed this video.
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and I cannot wait to see you next time, bye.