You go online and browse through men, you know what you're attracted to:
master’s degree, six-figure income, same religion, same politics, fit, handsome,
you set your search criteria to get all these traits and come to the conclusion that
dating sites suck because there are virtually no men out there who are like the man you're
looking for on conventional dating site. Then, you conclude that the better path is
to go on Tinder, Hinge or Bumble, because at least there's cute guys on there
and there are. But the experience kind of sucks. So, what's a girl to do? Stick around
and I'll explain how your way of searching is killing your chances of meeting Mr. Right.
I’m Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, and successful woman and your personal
trainer for love. Welcome to the Love U podcast. Keep listening to discover how to
search for quality men online. When we're done, I'll let you know how you could apply to Love U
to create a passionate relationship that makes you feel safe, heard and understood.
One of the central metaphors of Love U is that you're going to be the most effective at dating
if you have a funnel of men to choose from instead of focusing on one guy too early. The reason for
this should be relatively obvious. Most men are not your husband. If your M.O. is to go online and
shop for a husband with all the search criteria because you know what you like and you don't
want to settle, you end up discovering that you've eliminated almost all of your options. You tend to
fixate on a handful of dream guys that meet your criteria and then lament that online dating sucks.
Online dating doesn't suck. And that is like the personal trainer at the
gym and you're like, “I'm going to the gym and I'm working so hard. I'm still
the same weight that I was when I started here. The gym must
suck!” That's kind of how you end up using it. Not to attack you, I'm here to help.
If you're watching on YouTube, you can see my wild gestures. If you're on the audio podcast, you're
going to have to use a little imagination. But I really want you to imagine a funnel. Right now,
I’m waving my arms across the top of the screen. You're starting your funnel with, right now,
I've got a wide funnel. That's what I encourage for you. But most people who go in there and put
in their search criteria, “Oh, he's a nonsmoker. He is Jewish. He likes biking.” The more things
you put in, you're starting with a really narrow opening to your funnel. It's the size of a straw.
And then you sort of wonder, well the opening at the top is the size of a straw how come any guys
aren't getting to the bottom of the straw? How come I'm not getting many dates or quality dates?
You started really narrow. Now, imagine a funnel with a really wide open.
In this funnel for our purposes encompasses all men. It's just you go online, it's men!
Five years younger to ten years older within a 20-mile search radius.
Now we're starting wide, we're looking through the widest aperture, and now we have an opportunity to
see and take inventory of what's really there. I'm not expecting you to like all these guys.
I'm expecting you to see them just to browse through their faces and potentially,
as I said in another video, find ten percent of them attractive and work backwards from there. So,
we start with a wide funnel at the beginning, and that funnel dramatically narrows as you
go through our Love U dating process that I outline in month two and three of my course.
I predict and I've been doing this for 17 years, I predict if you go through five hundred men
on your dating site and you put 50 of them on a likes list, and see how many of the men see you
noticed that you like them and initiate, and maybe initiate contact with a few of them.
Pay attention to how those men follow up; their efforts. Now you're in business,
but if you're only looking at a fraction of those men and only discover that there's five guys
on your entire dating site, it's no wonder that you're convinced that online dating doesn't work.
And remember, any advice I give you, I've tried myself not talking from some sort of pedestal. My
wife didn't meet on Match.com specifically, even though we're both on Match.com at the same time
because we both set our funnels to narrow from the start. I wasn't open to a woman three years older.
I was thirty-four and I was looking for women twenty-seven to thirty-four.
My wife, growing up in San Diego, right wing military, didn't look for a Catholic,
wasn't looking for a liberal Jewish guy. And that's how we missed each other.
More recently, it's easier for me to talk about myself, but I see this in my own clients.
I've got a Love U Master’s client, private coaching. Her name is Jess. She's a
thirty-eight-year-old single mother in the Midwest who just graduated with an amazing boyfriend
who makes her happier than she's been in her entire life with a man. And what was her big
shift? What was the big thing she did to get this guy? She raised her max age range by one year.
From forty-seven, forty-eight. And she met an amazing guy just because she did that. So this
to me just goes to show how many ships are just passing each other in the night. I implore you,
as much as it's really tempting to just dial in, judge guys based on looks or put in very specific
search criteria, you're passing up your husband quite possibly. Don't do your big screening based
on this search criteria. Do your screening based on what happens afterwards and how he follows up,
how you connect on the site, what efforts he makes in between dates to procure more dates
and base your choices on how he treats you rather than those narrow things
that you plug into the site under the guise of compatibility. Taking this one piece of advice
will give you more high-quality dating options than you've ever had before.
My name is Evan Marc Katz. Thank you for tuning in to the Love U podcast. For more episodes like
this on YouTube, click on the subscribe button, ring the bell and choose all to ensure you get
notified whenever new content comes out. If you're listening to the audio podcast, please share an
honest review on Apple. More reviews equals more awareness of the Love U podcast and more love
in the world. And if you want to find love right now and are committed to making healthier choices
with men so you can have an easier relationship that makes you feel safe, heard and understood,
look for the link below and apply to coaching with me in Love U. I'll talk to you soon.