- Hey, everyone, it's Wednesday.
And you know what that means, that means I'm on my
website, katiemorton.com under Community Forums,
I think it's Q&A videos, is the topic.
If you've asked your question there or under yesterday's
video, I have looked at them and I've put some together,
and I actually have five today, so I gotta get going.
I gotta get cooking on this 'cause I also have a
journal topic that I would like you to do.
Question number one, last week I finally was honest
with my therapist about my history and past sexual abuse,
and a bit about what was going on in my head.
I actually wrote it down for her, that's in parenthesis.
It's the first time I've told anybody,
and since the appointment, I've been completely numb
and zoned out.
I feel really detached and like I'm walking
around in a coma.
My eating disorder's also gotten a lot worse.
I don't know whether I've just made things worse
by telling her the truth.
No, you haven't made things worse by telling her
the truth.
It's very common, I actually have a video on this
as it pertains to recovery from an eating disorder,
but it's very common for us to, when we finally start
talking about the hard things, like the abuse,
or our eating disorder, or whatever we've been hiding,
when we finally start talking about it, it floods us
and all the things that we have tried to stuff down
and hide in little nooks of ourselves, and tried
to forget about, they come back with a vengeance.
And it's very common to feel really overwhelmed.
It sounds like what's happening is that you might
kind of be dissociating a little bit, as a way to cope
with this overwhelming emotion and overwhelming feeling,
but honest to God, just keep plugging through,
keep talking about it with your therapist,
let her know that you're having these feelings,
that you're feeling really overwhelmed and you find
yourself to be really spaced out, so she can
better help you.
But I promise, the more we talk about it, and the more
we actually express what happened and process through it,
the better we will feel.
I know it's hard, but trust me, it is the best way.
I'm so proud of you for speaking up,
so keep me posted, okay?
Question number two, what's your take on imaginary
friends/siblings?
I'm not talking about having them at the age of five,
more like in your early 20s.
Benign coping mechanism, or something that needs
to be checked out by a professional?
I just ask because it's the holidays again,
and mine tend to emerge around now, as well as
during times of family crisis and when I'm feeling
especially lonely.
It's like I've created people to share the stressful
parts of my life with.
Kind of random, I know, but I'm curious nonetheless.
Stay awesome.
I will try.
To be truthful, and it's actually ironic that this
came up as a question today, because I just did
a kind of Q&A video with I Drank the Sea Water,
who's also on YouTube, Melissa, and we're gonna put out
a video, I think it'll be out today or tomorrow,
so you have to check her channel for that.
I'll put links to it when I get the link from her.
But we were talking about dissociation and daydreaming,
maladaptive daydreaming.
This I would put into the same category as I do
maladaptive daydreaming and dissociation.
And that's because when things get really stressful,
you tend to fall into this imaginary friendship
or a daydreaming type of world, where you share
the experience with that person, and they give you
a little bit of help and support during that hard time.
And it's a definite coping skill that the reason being,
I would assume, has something to do with your family.
Something that happened when you were young with your
family, or maybe you feel bullied by your family,
or something's happened.
And so when you're around them, you find yourself
going back to old ways because we still haven't
figured out a new way to cope with the stress
that comes along with being with our family sometime.
I will do more videos on this--it actually will come
out relatively soon--a new video on dissociation
and DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder.
And I'll talk about the spectrum of it as well,
so stay tuned for that, make sure to subscribe
to my channel if you want more information.
But this is definitely a coping skill and I would
talk to your therapist about it.
If you don't have a therapist, I would try to get one,
and begin talking about your struggles with this,
because it's just a coping skill, and what's we process
through the reason we have that, like the trauma,
or a situation with your family, once you feel like you've
processed that through and kind of laid it to bed
and you're done with it, then I'm pretty sure, 99% sure
that this need for what did you call it, imaginary friend
or sibling will go away.
So keep me posted and I will put out that video soon,
so that's helpful too.
Question number three.
I'm finding myself feeling sympathetic towards my abuser.
I know what he did was wrong, but I find myself
feeling that I somehow must have caused it.
I can't seem to put the blame on him, and now I feel
guilty for ever speaking up about what he did.
What can I do to change and to make my sympathetic
feelings go away?
I may have copied and pasted that weird.
This is very common, and to be honest, this is something
that is also kind of a coping skill.
When we actually start reporting people who have
abused us and we start processing through it,
I find many of my clients will start to feel guilty,
they'll start to feel really bad about reporting
the person, and they'll start to feel sympathy for them.
Oftentimes, many people who are abusers have been
abused themselves, and we can find that stuff out.
Often when we're reporting, we're going through
this process, especially if it's someone we know
and stuff comes out, well they were abused by
their uncle, and da-da-da, and we find that out,
then we feel bad for them.
And it's all part of the process.
Trust me, this will go away.
Not this will go away and turn into you hating them,
the sympathy that you feel, and kind of, it almost
sounds more like guilt, will go away.
The reason that we feel this is because we recognize,
as we're processing through it all, what they went through,
or how hard it must be to think like that and to
do those things, and to have to live like that.
Because abusers, I mean, this is not to call them out
and be terrible, but they're bad people, they've hurt you,
they've done something completely wrong, something
that they know is wrong, and a lot of people do it
over and over and over again to different people.
And we feel sympathy because we're working on it,
we are starting to understand the full picture of it.
But know that it goes away with time.
If any of you have experienced this, please leave
your comments below.
It's something I can definitely talk about more
at a Monday topic video, but I don't know if that's
something you would want.
If many of you are experiencing this, I could talk
more about it, but know that it's normal and that
as you continue to process through, it will go away.
So I guess just embrace it for the time being,
and know that it's just for a period of time, okay?
Question number four.
If I'm getting regular periods, does that mean that
I'm at a healthy weight, even if my BMI is on the low side?
Not necessarily.
They've actually removed amenorrhea, that means you don't
have your period anymore, loss of period, from the
diagnostic criteria for anorexia, because if we're
on birth control we can still have our period,
and periods aren't that predictable.
That actually doesn't really mean anything.
So I would definitely listen to your doctor,
listen to your therapist and your dietician,
and keep following your meal plan, because our periods
can kind of come and go.
They can be regular for a period of time,
and then not at all.
So it really doesn't mean anything.
Question number five, what do you do when someone
blurts out in public that you self-harm?
Should you just make up an excuse, or just make it
seem like it isn't self-harm?
First of all, what an asshole.
Who does that?
What?
Ugh.
First of all, if they're your friend, they're not
your friend anymore, because that's just a big
bunch of shit, what a jerk.
When I read this I was like, what, WTF?
But, so, first of all, I'd be frustrated.
And I, this is just speaking from my--this isn't even
therapy advice, this is like Katie advice,
I would want to go to that person and say
why would you do that?
If you know I'm struggling or you know someone's hurting,
why would you shout it out?
I mean, they're probably just one of those devil child
that bully people in school, but I would ask them.
And if someone's gonna out you like that,
I would advise to not run away, not be embarrassed,
I would advise you to kind of stand up for it
and almost put it back on the person that's outing you.
Something I've found with my clients that's really helpful
when they're being bullied is to not respond in the way
that they're expecting you to, because then they
don't get the response they're wanting, so they
most often stop.
Now I know we're playing like a mental trick on them,
but they're jerks, right?
Bleh.
So I would stay something like, I was trying to think
about this before I started recording, like what would I
say if this was me and someone said it to me,
and they did this.
I would say something like, let's say this person's
name is Sue, 'cause that's a short name and it's easy
to say.
I would say something to the effect of, Sue, I don't
know what you think you're trying to do here,
but my personal life and the things that I'm
struggling with and working on is none of your concern.
And if you have something that you'd like to share
about something you're going through and struggling
with, then we're all open to hearing it, but until then,
how about you keep your stuff private, and I'll keep
my stuff private?
I'd say something like that.
Or I'd just confront the person and say I don't know
why you do that, that's really hurtful, and I would
never do something like that to you.
I find when bullies are confronted they shrink,
'cause they're actually just really sad and they
don't have any other way to cope with that.
So that's my advice.
I don't know if it's the best.
I struggle with this stuff 'cause I'm really feisty
and I tend to be like, aargh.
I want to just scream at people and punch 'em in the face.
So if you have better advice on this, can you leave
your comments below?
But definitely don't respond in the way that they'd
want you to, that they're expecting you to.
I find that to be the best.
Okay, journal topic.
This is a great idea from Alisha or Alicia,
I'm never sure how to--'cause I just read them
on my own on my computer and I never hear it
said out loud.
So thank you, Alisha, I'm gonna go with my
first instinct on how you say that.
About doing mandalas.
Now if any of you haven't done mandalas, they are
traditionally something that's used in the
Buddhist community or Hinduism, and they're squares
with a circle in the middle of them, and you kind of
decorate them however you want.
We used to just have papers with a circle on it,
and you could fill it in.
And this can be really great, now it's just kind of
an expression of yourself.
Like before, when I had you do the personal symbol,
this is kind of the same thing.
And she did one on her blog about what happiness
looks like to me, and I would like us all to do that.
Now you can fill this with anything.
You can write phrases around the edges, or quotes,
but in your circle, I'd like you to draw some pictures.
Like for hers, I think she had like a bird, and then
there was a tree and all sorts of cool stuff.
She's really artistic and it was really cool,
and I am not artistic, so I was like wow.
So yeah, take pictures of them, share 'em.
Mandalas are gorgeous and the more colors you use
and the more pictures you use, the better.
So what does happiness look like to you,
and let's draw it and share it, okay?
I'll see you all tomorrow, I'll be on Twitter,
so ask your questions there.
Have a good one, bye.