Okay, this is Freddie Benson,
proceeding with test number three
of application Mood Face.
Subject: Sam Puckett.
All right, Sam, just stare
at the PearPad straight on and keep your head still.
Yep.
Can I move now?
Uh, yeah.
So what's her mood?
Uh... It's, uh...
It's inconclusive.
- No reading? - It was working this morning.
Yeah, I'm gonna see if Carly has any tissues.
All right, what do you want me to do?
Just stand here.
Sam, you here.
And I want you to pretend
Freddie's a guy you have a crush on.
One sec.
Sam!
How can I pretend to have a crush on Freddie
if I'm looking at his face?
You know, I don't need this.
There's no other guys in the school
I want to go out with.
- Hey. - Hey.
And speaking of guys Carly doesn't want to go out with.
Ladies and gentlemen, Fredamame Benson!
Girls who are rude to me don't get a bag of bacon.
Whoa, Freddie, I never realized
what a hot, handsome hunk of a boy you really are.
Better.
For every insult, you owe Freddie five bucks.
- Fine. - Good. I'm going to be rich.
No, because I'm not gonna say one mean word to you.
Really? You want to kiss me?
Kiss you?
[scoffs] Dude, I'd rather...
Not do that at this time,
but I appreciate your kind offer.
- Impressive. - Good girl.
Can I just say, I think you're insanely cute.
Yeah?
Uh, Valerie, you might want to check
your webcam and your brain
because I'm pretty sure one of them's malfunctioning.
Damn.
Hey, Valerie. Since you think Freddie's cute,
why don't you go on a date with him?
Yeah. It's a new feature on iCarly,
which we call "Date the Dork".
What do you say, Val?
Well, I don't think Freddie's a dork,
and I'd love to go on a date with him.
- You won't be jealous? - I'll try to be strong.
Yes.
Okay, Valerie, just email Freddie the address
of the mental institution you're locked up in,
and he'll meet you there.
♪ Safe in your arms You take me ♪
♪ And if you feel my love Just let it show ♪
♪ And if you want my heart Just let me know ♪
What? You that just 'cause you like Freddie--
Don't say it out loud!
It's alright to say it out loud.
No, it's not.
Sam loves Freddie!
Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves Freddie!
[muffled shouting]
There you guys are.
- [muffled shouting] - You get out!
Licking my hand won't make me let go.
Sam, come on, just...
Eww!
Come here, Freddie!
Leave me alone, Sam!
Sam, what are you gonna...?
[screaming]
[grunts]
[screams]
That was assault!
Why are you quitting iCarly?
Yeah, why?
Well, 'cause...
'Cause maybe I don't like the way Sam treats me.
Oh, come on!
Yeah, she's always putting me down
and calling me mean names
and every time I get an ice cream cone,
she takes it and she licks it.
She just licks it all over the place
just to bug me.
Great. Now, what's the real reason?
Hey, you invited the doof!
- Sam... - Oh, man!
I didn't know that was gonna be here.
She. I'm a she, Freddie. As in, girl.
Just keep your hands off my AV equipment.
You mean I can't play with the white balance
on your super-di-dupity camcorder?
Sure! Everybody jokes about the white balance
till the skin tones go magenta.
[clears throat]
Carly will never love you.
That's it!
I'm taking my stuff and I'm going home.
Carly was my best friend first and I'm taking her back.
There's no way Missy said that.
- She did! - [sighs]
You know, maybe Carly's right.
Maybe you're just jealous of Missy.
Okay, just forget it.
Don't believe me.
Tell me one reason why I should believe you.
Because I came here.
Have I ever come to you for help before?
Or anything?
I'll chill after Granddad's convinced
that Spencer's a responsible adult.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Hey, could you keep your hands off my equipment over there?
I could, but I don't think I will.
[beeping]
Pretty rockin' website, huh?
Yeah, but I wrote down some other stuff
I want on the site.
Here.
Whoa.
- This is a lot of notes. - Yep.
And what am I supposed to do with this drawing
of me being attacked by a tiger?
Nothing. I just got bored.
You knock off a Fat Cake truck?
Oh, it's happening. Sam!
Come on! Don't... Don't...!
Ah! Ah! Sam, stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Get off of me!
So you really want to know what's in those boxes?
Hey, look, the idiot's got girls.
[plucking guitar strings]
I gotta hit the restroom.
[laughing]
Can we help you?
Why are you girls sitting with these clowns?
They're in a band.
Shh...
Sure are.
Oh, they're in a band!
And this band is called?
[both] Um...
The... Uh...
The Floors!
The Floors.
So where are The Floors playing next?
Uh, we're not sure.
Yeah, it's not always easy to book gigs.
Maybe I could help you guys book a gig.
We don't want your help.
Please don't help us.
No, I'm happy to do it.
- Sam... - Happy...
to do it.
Freddie and Gabby are in a band.
Oh, my God.