NARRATOR: This program contains subject
matter and language that may be disturbing to some viewers.
Viewer discretion is advised.
[music playing]
[laughter]
My name is Robby.
I'm a dad.
I'm a husband.
I'm a trans person.
And I'm addicted to alcohol.
I like vodka.
Because I've been coming out as transgender,
in order to cope with the stress,
I've been drinking more.
I'm not drinking because I enjoy it.
I'm drinking to try and get the full effects of the alcohol.
The faster I drink it, the faster I feel its effects.
Drown it out and drink it in.
JANET: Usually by noon, he's hit the bottle
and it's gone before the night is over.
I was going to have a drink right now.
Help me. Help me, Rob.
Help me.
OK, get out of my way.
Jan, don't.
JANET: The alcoholism, the aggressive alcoholism
first started once he started to change because now he's
getting more self-conscious.
What are people out there looking at?
What do they see me as?
SHANDELL: Robby is getting physically aggressive
and hurtful towards his family.
Get out of my way.
ROBBY: That's me at my worst.
I think I used my head to make that hole.
I heard my mom saying "ow."
So I got out of my bed and I opened the door.
He tried to push me.
And he had me like right around my throat and everything.
To me, that was the night of, I guess you could say,
crossed the line.
Because that's the first time really Robby was physical.
ROBBY: [inaudible]
If I had a wish, it'd most likely be for my dad
to not be an alcoholic.
SHANDELL: If Robby doesn't stop drinking,
she's going to lose everything.
She's going to lose her kid.
She's going to lose her wife.
She's going to lose her job.
She will die.
ROBBY: My mom had me when she was 16.
JANET: She was young.
She would want to go out to hang out with some friends
or to go out on a date or even to go and play bingo.
And so he felt abandoned during those times.
ROBBY: My mom and my dad weren't together,
but my dad was not completely absent.
When I was about five, I was caught
wearing some female garments.
I saw the perfect version of myself.
But my mom said, "That's not appropriate.
That's not what boys wear.
These are not boy clothes."
She was on the couch.
His face was just directly at my face.
And it was just this look that Robby
gave me that, I guess you can say,
it just burned right into me.
And I came up to her and I said, I think
you should be my girlfriend.
Oh, OK.
I think he likes me.
And then that was it.
We were together after that.
JANET: When I told him the news that I'm pregnant,
Robby wasn't so happy.
I think I was too young to be a father.
SHANDELL: Rob was happy, fun-loving.
He was, you know, a funny drunk at the beginning.
And family reunions and camping and then
it just got worse and worse every time I saw them.
And then Rob turned into this different person.
ROBBY: Well, every Halloween I'd dress up.
And sometimes when I had the day off work, I'd try and dress up.
I thought I was a cross-dresser.
Do you know what triggers are, like what triggers
someone to do something?
Janet started losing weight.
And she was going to change her whole life.
And she was going to do it one way or another.
Neither Janet or I looked the same as we were, do we?
JANET: I had lost 170 pounds.
I wasn't a thin person when he first met me.
But I wasn't huge either.
ROBBY: I thought to myself, maybe I can try something too.
Maybe I can do something that I've always wanted to do that I
don't have the capability for.
So I started to get hormones online.
And then I got referred to a psychiatrist.
And like it was a process.
I told her one night, Janet, I don't actually feel male.
I feel female.
I feel like I'm a woman.
I'm transgender.
And I'm just like, you're what?
That was the end of the conversation.
That was a shock.
I didn't know.
I'm still trying to just process what he just threw at me.
I consider myself like trans fluid.
SHANDELL: Janet is struggling with it
all, with transgender, trans fluid,
the drinking, with marriage.
JANET: I do believe that Robby wants to be a female,
but he won't go that boundary because then
he knows that, in a sense, he will
lose me forever as the wife.
I'm trying my hardest.
The storm is just getting bigger and bigger.
And now it's engulfed everything--
family, work.
Either you're going to be with me when I ask the hard--
[crash]
Oh sh-- [inaudible].
I love my job.
It gives me a sense of satisfaction
knowing that I'm building something that's going to last.
I did tell work that I'm trans.
And they said that doesn't actually
make a big difference to them.
When I'm at work, I have a routine that keeps me safe.
When I'm sitting at home all this time,
it is actually kind of dangerous for me.
Because left to my own devices, sometimes I fail.
Hey.
Will you still [inaudible]?
Do you think of me a boy or a girl?
Girl.
You have to be the best Robby you can be.
Save me.
We are trying to, OK?
We're trying.
Robby?
Hi, come on in.
Well, Janet, this is your day too, Janet.
[crying]
Robby, you're my life, my love.
We met so long ago and have been together
ever since that I can't imagine my life without you.
We have gone through so much together, good and bad.
But this time, I don't see the end of this bad.
I've tried for so many years to help you.
But in the end, my help means nothing.
You just want to black out your life.
Besides getting drunk, it has escalated
to yelling, "someone save me," "no one
knows what it's like to be me."
You know and that I know you need professional help.
You try to do it on your own.
And it didn't work.
You need to learn the tools for your life
so you can exist in this world as Robby should be.
You've been together a lifetime.
More than a lifetime.
Through thick and thin and ups and downs.
And you've made it through.
But this is something that is beyond your help.
Yes.
And do you have a bottom line for Robby today?
I do.
And I know you don't want it.
I have to be true to myself and to you.
I let you know that I cannot live this way anymore,
that we will have to live and leave our home we built
together and our marriage.
[sobbing]
So Robby, I know that this is a huge decision for you
to make today and that you are very afraid to go
away without Janet.
You've got a lot of love in this room,
a lot of people still in your life that want you to get help.
Are you willing to take that courageous step today?
Really?
[sobbing]
Yes, I'll do it.
Grab for the ring.
Yes, I'll do it.
Great.
OK, that's a fantastic decision.
So we'll begin the journey.
Good choice.
You can do this, [inaudible].
Love you.
- Hey. - Hi.
Welcome to Freedom.
Hi, I'm Ann.
I'm Robby.