all right that's fifth great I'm walking
home from school with a few buddies of
mine one of those kids was a kid named
David now David was a kid that always
dare people to do stupid [ __ ] I'll give
you $10 if you make out with this dog
turd for 10 seconds you're on whoa whoa
whoa wait a minute Michael holy hell $10
he's nine years old for Christ's sake
David's never even seen $10 in his whole
life don't be a dumbass
when people didn't do these dares well
then sometimes he'd just take matters
into his own hands and on this
particular walk home from school that's
exactly what he did he came up to us and
he whips out this little bottle of
cologne from his pocket and he's like
you dare me to spray this in somebody's
face we're like wait a minute what the
hell is your nine-year-old last doing
with a bottle of cologne I know I'm sure
you got tons of chicks left and right
doing your sweet bunny hops on your
razor scooter you dare me to spray this
in somebody's face or why right in
somebody's face why the hell would you
okay I'll do it and David just scampers
off towards some kid I've never even
seen before
some kid just mind his own business
probably wondering what
Animaniacs episodes gonna be on when he
gets home and dave was just like hey
it's your brownie what oh my god poor
kid just got like 47 cents worth of
cheap cologne sprayed into his eyeballs
he's down on his knees screaming in
agony like Willem Dafoe in the end of
platoon we're just standing there
baffled like what the hell is he doing
so we run after David to figure out why
he assaulted this young man with a
scrappydew book bag catch up to him in
front of the porn shop yeah we had a
porn shop that was like 300 yards away
from our elementary school it's a little
weird a little uncomfortable to walk
past when you're going home sometimes
we'd stand across the street watch all
the perverts go in and out of that place
oh god damn it
so we catch up to David and we're like
what the hell are you doing you [ __ ]
terrorist
you guys dared me we didn't dare you to
blind a child David what the [ __ ] and
then all of a sudden I'm there
scrappy-doo bookbag himself with his
little sister eyes are all bloodshot and
[ __ ] oh man he looks pissed
wait a minute why is he looking at me
whoa hey buddy I didn't melt your
goddamn eyeballs out of your head don't
look at me he's like ripping grass out
of the earth with his bare hands
to show that he's really really mad I
guess no [ __ ] I've played Mike Tyson's
watch out before he's gonna charge at me
like volleyball look over at David he's
got this dumbass smile on his face just
completely alright with the situation
that he's created that he's not even
[ __ ] a part of anymore look I know
you're upset okay but your eyeballs
smell fantastic too late [ __ ] kid
just starts darting right at me so I do
what comes natural I get out of the
[ __ ] way
and the kid cracks his face on a tree
that's right behind us blood starts
gushing out of his face drops to his
knees like Willem Dafoe at the end of
platoon holy hell that kid got beat up
by maple tree turn over to look at David
and where's David he's spreading his ass
down the road that's where he's at so
what the hell are we supposed to do with
this bleeding child in the middle of
road well I'll tell you what we did we
[ __ ] followed David Scrappy's sisters
yelling [ __ ] from behind us brother
we never seen that poor kid again that
was it I don't know what happened to him
maybe the the perverts in the porn shop
they probably got him there's a live one
get up so here's to you
scrappy-doo bookbag if you're watching
this I'm sorry I mean if you can even
[ __ ] see any more that is I'm sorry
that David was such a dick and your face
was mutilated in two different ways I'm
sorry that me and that maple tree made
the best tag-team duo since the Hardy
Boys
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[Music]