- You're trying to make a good impression
on your partner's parents.
How do you go about that, and how do you not?
"Friends" holds the key.
♪ Do, do, do, do ♪
(bright music)
This is "Friends Gets Therapized,"
the series as I'm going through the show
and I'm responding to the things that I'm seeing.
So in this, we're gonna talk about Chandler
is trying to bond with Monica's dad
because he and Monica are a thing.
And we'll see how it goes.
- Hey. - Hey, how was it?
- Well, I had a great time.
Chauncey, on the other hand-
(audience laughing) - I will tell the story.
It was going great. I let him win.
We were bonding. He even said that I could call him Dad.
- And what did he ask you not to call him?
- Daddy.
(audience laughing)
All right, look, here's the story.
Well, we had just finished playing racketball,
and we were gonna take a steam.
I walk into the- - Oh, boy.
- Steam room, and it's really steamy.
(audience laughing)
So I take off my glasses, and that's when it happened.
Guys? - Over here.
- Have a seat, son. (audience laughing)
Hey!
(Jonathan laughs) (audience laughing)
(bright music)
- Oh my God, Chandler, I can't believe it!
- I know.
- You gave my father a lap dance.
(audience laughing)
- Why do they put so much steam in there?
(audience laughing) (Jonathan laughs)
- 'Cause otherwise they'd have to call it the room room.
(audience laughing)
- Why, okay, why? Why did that have to happen?
(audience laughing)
- Come on, it's not that big a deal.
- Not that big a deal? There...
There was touching of things.
(audience laughing)
- Chandler, I know you wanted to bond with my dad,
but did you really have to bond to that part?
(audience laughing)
- Listen, I'm sure that Dad doesn't care.
He probably thought this was really funny.
He'll be telling this story for years.
- I don't want him to tell this story for years.
(audience laughing) (Jonathan laughs)
- Oh, but he will. (audience laughing)
He still tells the story about how Monica
tried to escape from fat camp.
(audience laughing)
- I wasn't escaping.
- Then how'd you get caught in the barbed wire?
(audience laughing)
- I was trying to help out a squirrel.
- You were trying to eat it!
(audience laughing)
(telephone rings)
- If that is your father calling to tell this story,
then the marriage is off.
- Wow. - Come on.
- Escalated quickly. - Hello?
I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Okay, I'll call you later, Dad. I love you.
(audience laughing)
- (laughs) Okay, so most of us will never
have a situation that disastrous.
But there are so many open mouth, insert foot stories
having to do with future in-laws or current in-laws.
The only thing that I, and there's a whole movie
with Ben Stiller, right, about this very subject,
"Meet the Parents."
It's natural to be intimidated. It's natural to be afraid.
You wanna make a really good impression
because you want this person, you know, in older times,
it would be you want them to sign off
on the relationship, sign off on the marriage.
And to some extent, you know,
we still look for that in a lot of circles.
We look for the blessing. We look for their consent.
But no matter what the dynamics,
they're the parent of the person that you love,
and you want to have a good relationship with them.
And my experience is that, that sort of thing,
we put a lot of pressure on ourselves,
and the more pressure we put on ourselves,
the more we freak out, and the worse it goes.
No matter what you're doing, if you're freaked out,
you're probably gonna be on edge
and you're not gonna think clearly
and you're not gonna act at your best.
So if you're trying to make a good impression
on the parent of your partner, start with breathing.
Breathe slow and deep, what Alicia calls box breathing.
In, hold, out, hold.
Do that until your heart rate slows down.
Do that until you feel like you're thinking clearly again.
Do that until your muscles relax.
The only reason Chandler did what he did
is because he was nervous.
I mean, yes, he couldn't see where he was going,
but he also just kind of came and plopped right down.
And if he wasn't nervous or freaking out,
he would've said, "Okay,
let me know where everyone's sitting,"
'cause that would be the smart thing to do, right?
Or to reach out with your hand and say,
"Hold your hand out so I know where you are.
Okay, you're here. I'm gonna sit here."
He could've thought of that if he was calm.
The next thing is to recognize that the person
that you love has already chosen you.
And very often in establishing autonomy from childhood
to adulthood, we go against our parents' wishes anyways.
So whether or not their parent approves of you,
the person that matters most already does.
Yes, it can and does help.
And they may come into it with a very skeptical,
critical eye because they wanna make sure
that the person that they love, their child,
doesn't end up in an abusive, neglectful relationship.
So be understanding of where they're coming from.
You may have the deck stacked
against you from the beginning.
I have a dear friend that her husband,
her parents didn't like him,
and didn't like him from the get-go
for not really any valid reason.
And it took several years of him showing up,
of him being an attentive and caring husband
for them to overcome their biases of him,
and they love him now.
Sometimes this is about the long game, not the short game.
Those are my two cents on making a good impression
with your in-laws.
I certainly, when I met Alicia's father,
I was intimidated, and I worked through it just by being me.
I figured and I trusted that I was enough,
and that did it more than if I had like overcompensated
or tried really hard.
If you enjoyed this video, we've got a whole
"Friends" playlist here for you to check out.
But what I wanna know is what did you do
to win over your in-laws?
Or did you have a really bad experience
with your partner's parents?
And what did you get from that?
Let us know in the comments below.
As always, folks, keep shining. We need your light.
And here is that "Friends" video I was telling you about.
Check it out.
(bright music)