*Classic h3h3 intro music plays*
Ethan: BOOOOOOOOOO!
Hello!
You know, 2014 has been a really crazy year.
We've had some goofs,
some gaffs,
(laughing) and a lot of laffs.
We've seen some good videos
and some bad videos.
Andy: And you, you actually bless the Diamond Water yourself
Asa: And, every single drop has been blessed with my love energy.
Ethan: Mostly bad videos.
What do you call this?
Bo: Bo's in the house!
DJ Khaled: Say my name.
will.i.am: Well, its not a watch.
God.
Ethan: Okay, they were all bad.
But that's the way we like it.
We had
the most celebrities,
musicians,
politicians,
and even a couple of registered...
soon to be registered
sex offenders.
Guy: Uh huh, I'm Chris.
Girl: Claudia.
Guy: Nice to meet you Claudia- come here
[Claudia has shaky voice]
Guy: I would love to lick your vegan vagina
Ethan: You know, we have a lot of perverts on this show.
That's okay.
Me, Hila, and Sean have been through a lot this year.
Destruction of property,
*Ethan coughing, DJ Khaled talking*
rocket attack, *rocket in the distance*
"oh sorry guys, just a little explosion over here in Israel"
We were even evicted from our previous apartment!
"see the boxes here- we're being evicted... I DON'T HAVE TIME"
But you know what? We made it through it all because we're real people.
Real. Internet. People. And for ten minutes a week that means a lot to us.
So if you're new to the show, or you just wanna reminisce, let's have a look back at our favorite moments from 2014!
*even more of the same old music*
Michelle Obama: Wow, Ethan, great moves
Keep it up! Proud of you.
*Ethan's speech is almost drowned in loud honking*
Imagine a dam, okay? And uh-
TNT, blows up,
and there's just so much
Shit. And it's just shit
okay? That's what we're talking about here
that's an enema.
*rush of water getting louder*
Rain Florence: It can get a little messy, sometimes a little water will leak out, or you might have a lil' accident on the floor
Woops, I had a lil' accident and I SHIT ALL OVER THE FUCKING FLOOR
I shit 2 litres of- of shit water on the floor, woops, a little accident
Jezuz
Uh, hey Hila, I had a little accident,
*dam spilling*
-Okay, what-what is it?
I shit uhh- two - couple of gallons of shit water on the floor
-Oh okay... use the enema towel, honey
*nasty splurting noise
"yeah"
*Ethan and Hila laugh*
"Take the index finger, so there's a muscle- part of the ring muscle
and" That's the whole... lube up! "yeah"
Listen ya dumb-ya know dumb old hag- "yes" I can't do my face yoga unless I'm lubed up properly!
"You are!"
I can't- I can't do my face yoga unless I'm lubed up, ya dummy *spits*
"try to stay... calm" Well I- usually use a lot of moisturiser, I can't help it
if I've got a big moisturiser habit!
*laugh* I don't see why that affects my facial yoga!
"And you can smile." Well this is how I keep my face wrinkle free, okay?
You got your tricks and I got mine! *mmwah*
Thanks for tuning in everybody this week to facial yoga.
"Your future man is gonna feel as if you are giving him head
and fucking him at the same time" Ethan: Wooooh!
"Put it on a plate, the navel's on the outside."
Guys, make sure it's on a plate, kay? And the navel's on the outside. You wanna have a disposable plate,
easy clean up because you need to get in the other room and
WHAT THE FUCK, there's a giant black dildo here!
"You gonna take a knife, *spooky music* and you actually wanna cut one side"
He will not see any of this preparation because (Ethan: How do you know?)
I'm gonna tell you a little bit later (Oh okay)
What you're gonna do is... -Because you're gonna drug him, and tie him up
*ominous music* in the cellar, and that's how he won't never see this. y'all heard?
that's how I grapefruited so many men
you wanna boil it, aight. And then you gonna shove this big black
dildo here, you gonna need one of thems too.
shove that up his ass til he die, okay?
*demon-like voice* and you're gonna plant him in the backyard to fertilize your grapefruit tree
to grapefruit your next man.
It's a trap.
Sean: Oh wait, Ethan:Oh, dude! Stop, IT'S A PRANK, DUDE
Ethan: What's your problem dude, it's just a prank man
Ethan voiceover: I am the ultimate prankster!
Presenter: I'm putting this on twitter
What made you think- what made- what made you say "Imma put this on twitter"
Eh? Why would you put this on twitter?
What- what made you think to yourself that that would be a good idea, huh?
*mocking voice* What do you do on twitter? What do you kids do on twitter?
What kind of meme themed disses go on on twitter?
*inspirational music* *DJ Khaled panting heavily*
succccc
background DJ Khaled: so all you fuck boys and imposters
Patrice is unhappy, watch out!
Some kid's life is about to change forever, Patrice was like:
That's what- that's that look, when a couple of kids' lives is about to change forever, for the worse.
That smile- how do you get a smile that big?
I can't do it! Can you do it?
I wanna see you try. Smile as big as possible.
*Hila tries with a bit of demonic music in the background*
That's good, that's good. That was good!
Did I do that? *same demonic music in background again*
So guys, uh if you wanna- let's review those steps. Open your mouth
*lips smack while opening mouth*
Stick out your tongue
SUCC
*SLURPPP*
Let's watch it in action!
*Hila laughing* Hila's- Hila's laughing, because she knows that's how it's done
*exaggerated kissing sounds from the video* succ...
"Mm baby... succ... so good!"
What is going on with your face, man, why is it so red?(cause the succ was too good)
You look like a holiday ham, dude
It looks like- his face looks like an aborted fetus, man
It looks like a r-raddish just popped out of the ground, dude!
It looks like a fricking hotdog, man that just got off of the grill, dude!
Your face looks like a f- the tip of a lipstick container, dude.
Your face looks like a fucking dog boner, just pop- popped out, dude, red rocket!
How do you make your face so red, boi, it looks like a turnip!
Turn me up- you just turned me up boi!
*audio in background* nothin' much
Bo: How 'bout some coke
Papa John: I'll have a couple sodie pops.
Couple sodie pops.
Sodie pops.
Couple sodie pops.
Ethan: I love that, how he jus- he just throws in a sodie pops.
He's just such a good old boy, you know?
*Horrendous screetching noise, presumably a bird call*
*HEHBIDIBIDIDI- HEEHHBIDIBIDI*
*HEEEEHBIDIBIDI*
*snarls*
Ethan: There's this one that's a really big secret from parents,
which is
JP
JPND
JPNDTS
which is, Just Pushed Nan Down The Stairs
And that one's really, really useful for me and i know alot of people i know, cause i just can't stop pushing my fucking incompotent grandma down the stairs, i mean that bitch just loves TUMBLING!
*forcefully* JPNDTS
Just pushed nan down the stairs!
Get that on the news! That's important to report!
I just pushed nan down the stairs,and mom doesn't know because she cant read my acronyms, its top secret.
(mmm)
You think he's trying a little bit too hard Hila?
Alright WHAT IS HE TRYING TO SAY with that
GREEN smoothie
Is that what vaginas are supposed to look like?
Oozing with green shit?
Think you've been going down on a little bit too many vegan girls, dawg.
I think it's time to switch back if that's what you think vaginas are supposed to look like man.
Alright, do you think you're ready for me to lick your asshole BWOIAH
Let me just- slurp my greeeen smoothie here
*slurping noise*
*out of breath* "yeeeeeaah
I'm ready to lick your asshole boy"
That shit looks so disgusting
See he's gonna make my asshole DIRTIER!
after he's done, than what it was.
And I haven't wiped in WEEKS!
She is out to lunch.
And I'm not sure she ever was-
BACK from lunch.
She went out to lunch and she never came home, ok?
That is just an empty attic right there.
Boy, just a couple marbles and a couple cobwebs.
A couple o' tumble weeds just blowin' around in the-
dusty dusty noon.
YOU SMAHT-OU LOYAL- GENIUS
Ethan: Look at that body though!
God damn he's got just one big fold there between his body.
*explosion sound*
*unintelligible try to sound smart sounds*
- pipe organ, through no fault of any SINGLE instrument
Still inevitably plays it on any ring of they plays it (???)
Hang on let me translate what he just said, if you didn't understand it...
*coughing and choking*
*retching*
*cough*
Hey guys this is me, Ethan, coming at you with something new.
*laughs*
with some housekeeping tips here at home.
You got schmutz on your floor and you need to pick it up- you need to clean it up?
Here just come with me and I'll show you what to do with it.
We got our schmutz pile here.
Very simple stuff here.
*Hila giggling*
Hey Sean can I come in?
Sean: *quietly* yeah
*clanging and banging*
Prankster: So what does cum taste like? 'Cause I'm a guy, I'm not gay I'm straight...
Prankster: So I don't know what cum tastes like...
Prankster: If you could give me a really good description of what cum tastes like, what does cum taste like?
*wheezing*
How does cum taste like?
Is it good?
Now have you tried it with pineapple, does it taste better?
Mmm... tell me more about how it...
*slurping*
Well I'm not gay!
I'm not gay I just really wanna know how cum tastes.
Did you try it with different fruits, get a little different shade of flavour in there?
Tell me about it... mmm
*slurping noises*
I'm not gay. I'm not gay.
*big slurp followed by little slurps*
Mmmmm *lip smacking*
*comical music plays*
Hey how ya doin'? (what!?) Hey let me ask you a question...
YOU EVER SEEN A DICK BEFORE, SLUT?
*various yells* Sean: OHMYGOD
Ethan: OHWHATTHE Fu- *gets choked out*
Dude it's just a prank, dude!!!
Hey get off me dude it's just a prank!
*yelling in background followed by Ethan choking*
Ethan Voiceover: How's it feel to get PRANKED by THE BEST!?
Hey guys, thanks a lot for making 2014 one of the BEST years of our lives!
Probably actually the best, my life wasn't very good before this... :(
Yeah it wasn't very good [Awww]
But now it's pretty good I think it's okay y'know?
Whaddya think, Hila? - Top ten gotta be. Top ten gotta be!
Top- well that's not even the best and we haven't even been along that live
to be top ten I mean that doesn't even really say anything Hila what kind of comment is that?
'Kay anyway me and her are gonna sort this out
Thanks a lot guys, it's been a GREAT year
And we're looking forward to 2015. See ya next year guys!