- Where in the world is Superwoman today?
Toronto (mumbles).
What up everyone, it's your girl, Superwoman.
I have no space to even stand, oh my God.
My old room is so messy still.
Some things never change.
This is a very serious video.
A mature, adult, serious matter.
Peeing, what's up with that?
As I was flying back home to Toronto,
I was in the airport and I had to pee.
So I walked into the washroom and then I noticed a
tendency that I have, and that is in my brain for some
reason no one can know I'm peeing.
I will literally go from here to effin' Timbuktu,
effin' Timbuk-three if I have to just to make sure
that no one knows I am taking a piss.
Is this just me?
Everyone pees, I know everyone pees,
well, except for Beyo--
Okay, we've established Beyonce doesn't pee or poop,
but everyone else, they're pissin' all over the place.
Pissin' on walls, pissin' in the pool.
Pissin' in buckets in restaurants, you know who you are.
But for some reason, I am so embarrassed at the idea
that my body passes fluid through,
and therefore, I urinate.
Why, um, because it makes a sound, duh.
So, I really need to know if this is just me
because while peeing, I do the following four
ridiculous things, number one.
If I'm peeing at someone's house and they're close by
to the location in which I'm peeing,
I will walk into the washroom and instantly turn
on the faucet.
Why, because the faucet will drown out the noise
of my pee, so now the faucet is just running the entire time
like what the eff am I doing?
I'm wasting water, I'm killing Nemo.
I'm out here acting like I'm doin' the ice bucket challenge.
Little Mermaid is gonna turn into a land shark
because of me, and here's the thing, right,
why do I even think this is smart, like I'm just gonna
assume that the person's gonna hear the faucet
and think, "Oh, Maybe Lilly's just washing her hands
"for two minutes, or maybe Lilly just decided
"to wash her face."
Let's be real, okay?
I ain't washin' my face with this winged liner mid-day.
Don't be ridiculous, that's ridiculous.
They know why I'm doing it.
They know exactly why I'm doing it.
Yeah, I'm putting on the faucet to hide my
embarrassing pee noise
because what if my pee sounds weird?
What if everyone else is in on this secret?
Everyone else's pee sounds normal.
Everyone else's pee be soundin' like an Ed Sheeran Song,
okay, I'm up in here and my pee sounds like effin'
(mumbles), uh-uh, I ain't takin' that risk.
I know I'm not fooling anyone, okay,
'cause if you combine the fake faucet with me actually
washing my hands, it turns into like four minutes
of the faucet, and that's it, now you're known
as piss-fountain Peggy (laughs).
Piss-fountain Peggy.
Peggy.
Number two, if I'm in a public washroom with a friend
and I go into the stall and they're standing outside
of the stall, I will have a really loud conversation
while I'm peeing in hopes that my voice will cover
the sound of my pee.
Walk in the stall.
Hey, hey, so what are you doing today?
Nothing.
(laughs) Oh my God, that's hilarious.
I like muffins, ha ha.
And now I just sound like a nature cd
featuring a crackhead.
Just like a soothing river with a lunatic speaking on top.
I am a crazy person.
They can still hear you peeing.
Number three, if I'm alone in a public washroom,
I'm like all right, here we go.
I'm ready to pass some H two hizzle.
I'm about to pee out a stream.
Straight up I'm a pee so good right now,
it's gonna affect O and Q.
Here we go, open the gates, oh yeah,
am I a tourist right now because this right here is
Niagra Falls.
So I'm peein' piss, and then what do I hear?
Someone entering the washroom, what happens?
My va-jay-jay literally snaps closed,
and my pee stops instantly.
And now my va-jay-jay's an inspector and investigator
and a detective, it's just like, "Who's there?"
Who's there?
And then I'm gonna let a little increments of pee
as tester pees to see if they're loud,
but really I'm gonna hold my pee 'til the person leaves,
so essentially live demonstration would be this
sssss.
s.
sssss.
(door thumps)
ssssssss.
Why?
Because I'm pretty sure if someone hears me pee,
my life will likely be over.
Number four, now there are these rare occasions, okay,
when the stars align, okay,
maybe the toilet bowl is having a good day.
Maybe my pee position is a (mumbles), okay,
and my pee is somehow someway, silent.
My pee is on flee-k.
I don't know the science.
I just know it's fate.
And when this happens, I'm not gonna lie.
I have a mini celebration, okay?
Why, because my pee is a beautiful silent film.
This is a mother-effin' mime's pee up in here, okay?
And this pee is beautiful, it deserves some recognition.
But then, while I'm doing my happy dance like,
♫ Ah, listen my pee so silent ♫
I guess I changed the positioning.
I ruined the chemistry and suddenly my pee starts
thundering down, and that's what happens.
I celebrated too early.
I paid the price, now everyone knows I pee.
But regardless of what happens in that stall,
when I walk out my face couldn't more say,
"I didn't just pee.
"Me? Nah, Nah.
"You have the wrong person."
'Cause I'm a pretend like no peeing took place.
No activity took place.
Me, nah-nah, I'm above that.
Oh no, that flush, I just flushed it for fun.
I just like the sound of the flush.
In fact, I'm a just wash my hands for fun.
You know what, I ate some cookies I still sticky,
I ain't gonna wash my hands 'cause I peed.
'Cause I didn't pee, I don't pee.
I'm a just, for just, to run through the motions here.
I'm a do this.
I'm just gonna avoid eye contact also,
just stare right here because I don't pee.
I don't know what you talkin' about, okay?
That pee you heard over there,
that wasn't me.
Yeah, run away from the washroom.
Set the washroom on fire.
Throw the ashes into the ocean.
And move to Mars.
Yo, hope you enjoyed that video
now that we're done discussing my pee
I believe we're friends so I can tell you that
our movie, A Trip to Unicorn Island ATTUI
is officially out on YouTube, right,
all the information and links are in the description.
(mumbles)
Check it out, I am so proud how it turned out.
Official full feature length movie
and the commercial for it played during the Grammy's
today, how frickin' cool is that?
Anyways (laughs) anyways, casual.
Give this video a big thumbs up if you liked it.
Comment below if you agree or disagree with my
pee situation 'cause I really wanna know if it's just me.
You wanna check out my last video called
How I Work Out, it is right there.
My vlog are right there.
And you, make sure you subscribe because
I make new videos every Monday and Thursday,
and only sometimes they're about my pee.
(kiss smooch)
Toronto premier ATTUI tomorrow.
Ah, one love Superwoman.
That is a wrap, and zoop!
My nose is itchy.
Ah, Ah, sssss.
People will love A Trip to Unicorn Island
because it tells a story that everyone can relate to.
A story about strength and happiness.
Look at the smile on my face already.