(blinds snapping shut)
(sigh)
I'm sorry guys, I'm a bit of a mess right now
um
I'm going over some comments on some recent videos, and (sigh) I think I've started to notice a trend
eh, you guys are a lot more...perceptive than
I give you credit for
"what's going on with your eyes Matt?"
"is it just me or does Matthias look high in this vid, his eyes are red like my brother's when he's high"
I wanna come clean about some stuff but
I need to start at the beginning, it all started when I was, uh, looking over comments one day
uh, on a video that I had, I had recently created and (sigh) there are a bunch of comments
that I don't normally get that just started to really get to me. I don't know if it was because they're true
or they effected some part of me because I believed it already myself
"I miss the old Matthias"
I responded "to wish for something that was is futile and will only bring you sadness"
you know, I thought that was eloquent and then the responses came in
"hey Matt, can you do more things with Mark?"
(groaning)
"this is some really solid advice but is it possible to go back to your previous self or 'old Matt'?"
will you ever go back to your former self?
"yea?"
(slaps table)
I really don't know what to do about this, you know?
I, I feel like I've stumbled into this place that I just can't get out of, you know?
I, I started making videos and I eventually lost myself along the way, and now I don't know who I'm making
videos for - me or you
these videos are making neither of us happy
clearly
but why were your eyes red? were you high?
I'm trying to look at other YouTubers to get some inspiration but
it seems like there's a movement right now, the edgier you are
the cooler you are
has anyone else noticed this trend?
I mean (sigh) when did this start happening?
how come no one told me?
I could be edgy
used to be that all you had to do was slide on a pair of Raybans
and strangers on the street would give you a thumbs up and you know, you know in your heart that you are cool
but that's all it took
it seems to be cool on YouTube these days, you have to tear people down, you have to roast them and destroy them
you know?
so that you can make up for the fact that your broken inside, but you know what? I'm broken
I'm broken, I have a bad back, quite literally, I'm, quite literally broken, I can't pick much up off the ground
and you know what?
that's not cool, no one thinks that's cool, you know?
all I get is love
and sympathy
who wants that? That's useless, what am I to do with that? That's not cool factor
I'm white
ew
right?
ew, blonde hair, blue eyes
you know if you look closely, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm almost balding
I have a wife
what? I have a wife
that's something you can't reverse
I don't know if I have what it takes. I don't know if I have the guts to throw everything I've, I have away
to be cool
you know?
it's just
I wanna be part of that club
you know the club that of all the YouTubers that are respected but also hated
man that's cool
like RiceGum for instance, he just destroys people, doesn't care
he doesn't even care about it, you know, just destroying people left and right and they're kids too, how edgy is that?
they're kids that he's destroying
either his balls are really small because he can't pick on people his own size or his balls are big
because he doesn't care who he picks on (sigh)
respect
or what, what about Leafy, he does the same thing
he does the exact same thing, ya know?
and there's more, there's more, Keemstar, the guy, the guy literally destroyed his own career, how edgy is that?
that is, that's just incredibly edgy
then you got Idubbles, dude
spray paint in the mouth
I can't match that, I can't match that
even if it was edible spray paint, we'll never know
we'll just never know
probably wasn't because he's edgy
and not only that, but now you see people shifting from who they used to be, you know, clean cut
into edgy
take for instance PewDiePie, you know, Felix
he is making the transition, I don't know if you guys have realized this, but he is making the transition to edgy
just recently he unverified himself on Twitter
how cool is that? I don't have the guts to do that, I worked so hard for that verification tick
it makes me feel good about who I am
and I don't know if I could take that away
constant avitar changes, he completely changes his avatar on YouTube and Twitter, confusing the hell
out of everyone consistently, man that's cool
(sigh) and his hair
he dyed his hair
I mean if that's not just the end all be all of edgy, I don't know what is
I don't know what is
that is why I made this video right here, because as Felix starts shifting into that edgy area of YouTube
I want, I wanna ride his coattails, right?
so I made a video here, a real 100% genuine honest Skype call with PewDiePie
so that maybe you guys would think I was somewhat like him
so that I could be considered edgy and cool and people would subscribe
and for a while there, you guys were really buying it
"omg, it's really PewDiePie?! Lucky!"
"totally the real PewDiePie! 100% real!"
"real PewDiePie"
"how real, very, 100%"
"I don't know about the rest of you but that was a 100% legit representation of what it's like to Skype chat with somebody"
"dude! a PewDiePie collab? How did you get his Skype? This is so cool! Your Skype is really glitchy though"
"I thought it was fake or clickbaity or something, lol I'm dumb"
it was working, I, I couldn't believe that it was working
I was so happy
I was so happy that I devised this method to get on the other side so easily, without having to do anything
but then all of the sudden you guys started to realize that it wasn't a real Skype call
it wasn't
PewDiePie on the other end
and for a moment there, I felt disgusted with myself for fooling you, and then the hate comments rolled in
"just stop click baiting"
"Matthias you suck this video is fake"
I don't know how you figured it out
how did you figure it out?
"this wasn't the real PewDiePie" "he is not real, I saw it say PewDiBot" "ummmm fake"
with 8 upvotes
"that not real PewDiePie"
"that is the fake PewDiePie"
"that was fake"
"hate the new Matthias"
"really, stop titling your videos with information that is 100% false"
to this day, I'll never know how you figured it out
I'll never know
but that's not even the end of it, ok, because then YouTube came in to play in this game, you know?
YouTube started taking out YouTubers left and right, taking out videos left and right, videos that were edgy
videos that were about war and violence and drugs and stuff like that
all the YouTubers, all the really cool edgy YouTubers, they started unmonetizing their videos
making it so they couldn't make money on those edgy videos, it was almost as if YouTube was giving
a verification badge to the cool people
like Rob Dyke, all he does is make videos about murder
how cool is that?
Philip DeFranco
demonetized
you got h3h3, demonetized, Leafy, demonetized, edgy
edgy
and even YouTube said Hank Green was edgy
they got one of Hank Green's videos, ok? I don't know how that happened, honestly, I don't know how that happened, ok
he's a self-proclaimed nerd, even calls his viewers nerd fighters, as if that's a thing
what?
you know you gotta work on your image when YouTube thinks Hank Green is cooler than you
so I went to Twitter
and I started tweeting
you know?
no one understood my pain, no one understood that I wanted to be edgy
so I tweeted "when none of your 6 channels are edgy enough for YouTube to suspend your monetization"
y'all thought it was a joke
and then someone gave me some hope
you, you said "I dunno Matthias, you said hell in a vlog twice today"
I felt a little bit more edgy then, and then Robert started making fun of me
"damn it feels good to not be a gangster"
rub it in Robert
rub it in
"now I guess you can grow out and dye your hair"
maybe I'll dye my hair purple
and people will take me seriously and understand this angst
and then someone finally said
how many retweets would it take for you to dye your hair and I said 50, I shot high, you know?
I thought I had support from people
4 days later only 2K
only 2K!
I didn't have the guts
so I decided to buy a wig, I don't know why no one believed me when I dyed my hair red
no one believed it
so you know what?
I'm gonna dye my hair for real
I'm gonna dye my hair for real and then you will understand my pain, my angst and I will be edgy
I will be edgy
(dramatic music)
open sesame
(dramatic music)
well
am I edgy enough for you now?
now will you subscribe?
let's go to Twitter and find out
(loud typing)
ok that's the first thing I see, that's just great, just, just fantastic
"just one question, why?"
"why though?"
"not yet it needs to be more purple"
"lol that's a pretty tame shade"
tame
"nah you're normal, get a piercing then you're edgy"
(sigh) I new Fousey was onto something
"not if you have to ask"
"he wished that he could be like the cool kids" "where is your eyeliner" "you were more edgy begore"
"Markiplier, is that you?"
so I guess there's honestly nothing that I can do that'll ever be edgy enough for you, so I'm just gonna
come out with it, I'm just gonna come out with why my eyes were red, you know what?
I'm just gonna tell you why my eyes have been red in the past videos, you know, because it's pretty edgy
alright?
it is pretty edgy
(baby Luna cooing)
duh
(baby Luna cooing)
it's ok, it's ok, you don't recognize me do you?