(dreamy music)
- I've been infatuated with Bollywood movies
ever since I was a little girl.
The whole concept of girl meets guy,
they fall in love, conflict arises
and everything's always okay.
And in between, you get to run around trees
and go out on top of a mountain and do a mountain dance.
In third grade, I found Kyle Wagner,
my first crush,
and he gave me my first Valentine's Day card,
and all I could think about was, "Well now we hold hands.
"Because he likes me."
And so when I went to go do so,
he yelled out, "No!"
That didn't work out, and then in sixth grade,
I met Esteban Fernandez, and he picked up my books for me,
and that probably meant he liked me,
so I went to go give him a kiss
and he shoved me so hard, I fell off my seat.
And then in tenth grade, I met Omer Kahn.
He was Pakistani, I was Bengali.
One day he walked up to me, and he gave me a paper heart,
and in the heart it said,
(speaking foreign language)
which meant, "Be the pen to my paper."
Everything was so perfect.
We were both South Asian, we were Muslim, we spoke Urdu.
And I was dark-skinned and he was light-skinned,
and I didn't think that was a big deal
but then I met his mother, Sureya, and she hated me.
I wasn't skinny enough, I wasn't fair enough,
I wasn't rich enough, I was nothing that she wanted.
See, Muslim parents tend to arrange marriages
and me and Omer, our hearts arranged us.
And so, I was determined to win over her heart,
no matter what, because love conquers all.
This is just, like, a small, little conflict,
it wouldn't matter.
And I tried, I tried so hard for five years.
I started bleaching my skin, I started growing out my hair.
I did anything and everything to please her
and to win her over, and then one day,
I found a glamor shot of some voluptuous girl
in his pillowcase.
And it was a picture of his cousin.
And I couldn't really understand.
I was not gonna make mountains out of molehills.
So I let it go.
I shut down.
I lost my opinions and I lost myself.
And then, after five years, I lost him.
His whole family took a trip to Pakistan and,
after they left, four days later,
I got a cryptic text message that said,
(speaking foreign language)
"Don't form relationships with your fantasy,
"you won't be able to wake up.
"And if you do so, you'll die in reality."
I knew what it meant, I just didn't want to accept it.
Two days after that message, I went online
and I saw that Omer was now married to his first cousin.
(laughs)
In reality. Thank you, Facebook!
And, I didn't know what to do.
I got myself up, after crying.
(chuckles)
Did everything that Omer and his mother
told me not to do: I cut my hair,
I started going to concerts, I made a ton of gay friends,
and I did everything.
I joined Student Government.
I stayed out and partied late.
And I felt free.
I was alone, but I felt free.
And that epic moment I was constantly looking for
as a kid, I found it.
I found it after my breakup.
I let go of my delusion and fell in love with my reality.
And, even though I don't have a partner
to dance on a mountain with, I have a mountain,
and I dance to my own tune.
And I'll keep dancing away
without any judgment.
(whistling) ♫ SoulPancake ♫
(techno music)