>>OKAY, THAT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO TURN OUT GREAT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>>HI, COME ON IN AND HAVE A SEAT.
OKAY, AND SMILE.
OH! THAT ACTUALLY TURNED OUT PRETTY GOOD.
>>NOBODY MOVE. AGENT STONE, AGENT FLOWERS,
B-R-S-I.
>>B-R-S-I.
>>BUREAU FOR THE RECTIFICATION OF SOCIAL INEQUALITY.
PLEASE STEP ASIDE MAM.
>>WHAT? I DON'T UNDER-
>>SHE'S RIGHT. HE LOOKS NORMAL.
>>DELETE IT.
>>WHAT? BUT, MY SCHOOL PHOTO HAS NEVER LOOKED GOOD.
>>EXACTLY.
NOBODY TAKES GOOD SCHOOL PHOTOS.
WE CAN'T LET THIS PHOTO GET OUT INTO THE OPEN.
>>WHY?
>>BECAUSE THE WORLD WOULD GO INTO A COLLECTIVE
COLLAPSE OF SELF-ESTEEM.
THE ONLY REASON EVERYONE CAN JOKE ABOUT HOW BAD THEIR
GRADE SCHOOL PHOTOS ARE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE ALSO
HAS BAD GRADE-SCHOOL PHOTOS.
SO IF JUST ONE BEAUTIFUL PHOTO GETS OUT THERE EVERYONE'S EGO
WOULD BE DESTROYED AND THE WORLD WOULD DESCEND INTO CHAOS.
ON THE PLUS SIDE SELFIES WOULD NO LONGER BE A THING.
>>YOU SEE THIS PICTURE?
>>WHAT'S- >>YOU SEE THIS?
>>WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
>>NOTHING.
SHE'S FLAWLESS, BUT THEN LITTLE MISS-PRISS
DECIDED TO SHOW A FEW FRIENDS AND THEN BAM,
WORLD WAR II.
>>WHAT?
THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THE REASON.
>>OH NO?
THIS CUTIE PIE SUNK THE TITANIC.
CAPTAIN TOOK ONE LOOK AT IT AND DECIDED HE HAD NOTHING
LEFT TO LIVE FOR AND IT'S HIS OWN DAUGHTER.
>>THIS SORT OF THING HAS BEEN HAPPENING ALL THROUGH HISTORY.
WE'RE NOT SURE HOW, BUT THIS LITTLE BABY
CAUSED POMPEII.
>>DON'T WORRY THOUGH.
WE'RE HERE TO HELP.
LET'S GET THE 90'S KIT.
>>WHAT? THE 90'S KID?
>>HIS CLOTHES ARE TOO IN STYLE.
THIS OVERSIZED TIE-DYE SHIRT WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT.
>>OH, THE 90'S.
IT'S LIKE THE 80'S ATE THE 70'S AND THEN THREW IT UP.
>>LET'S GET SOME BRACES ON HIM.
BUT, I DON'T NEED BRACES.
I WAS BORN WITH PERFECT TEETH.
>>THAT INFORMATION DOESN'T LEAVE THIS ROOM.
>>LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE GENETIC WONDER,
YOU PUT ON THESE BRACES AND YOU LEAVE THEM ON,
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
>>UH, YES MAM.
>>PERFECT.
THAT HAIR IS AN ISSUE.
>>SCISSORS, I CAN MAKE IT A MULLET
IN TWO MINUTES.
>>NOPE, JUST GIVE HIM A COWLICK WE WANT
HIM TO LOOK BAD NOT EUROPEAN.
CAN WE GET SOME GLASSES TO HIDE THE FACT THAT HE
HAS PERFECT VISION?
>>YES.
>>HOW OLD ARE YOU SON?
>>I'M TEN.
>>IS THAT OLD ENOUGH TO GET ZITS?
>>I'VE NEVER HAD ANY.
>>OH GREAT, I'M SURE THE WOMAN YOU
MARRY IS GOING TO LOVE TO HEAR YOU HAD PERFECT
SKIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
YOU TINY LITTLE FOOL.
>>PUT ONE ON HIS NOSE.
>>WAIT, WHAT?
WHY?
>>BECAUSE ZITS ARE LIKE REAL ESTATE AND YOU'RE NOSE
IS BEACHFRONT PROPERTY.
LET'S GET SOME HAIRSPRAY.
>>BUT YOU ALREADY MESSED UP HIS HAIR.
>>IT'S FOR HIS EYES.
>>WHAT? AH!
NOW I CAN BARELY OPEN THEM.
AH!
>>FIST ON THE CHIN.
OH YEAH, I THINK WE'RE READY.
>>NO.
NOT YET.
GET THE LASERS.
>>AGENT STONE I THINK- >>I SAID THE LASERS!
>>PLEASE! HE'S JUST A CHILD!
>>I'M SORRY MAM.
BRACE YOURSELF SON.
>>BLESS THE MAN WHO DESIGNED THAT BACKDROP.
>>I THINK HE WENT TOO FAR- [CAMERA CLICK]
I WASN'T READY.
>>WE'LL SEE YOU IN SIX YEARS WHEN YOU NEED
A DRIVER'S LICENSE PHOTO.
>>I JUST WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL.
>>DON'T LET ANYTHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN AGAIN.
THE POWER YOU WIELD AS A GRADE SCHOOL PHOTOGRAPHER
CANNOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.
>>I KNOW. I'M SORRY.
>>SORRY GUYS, I WAS AT RECESS AND
CHIPPED MY TOOTH.
>>WELL WE'RE CLEARLY NOT NEEDED HERE ANYMORE.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
[CAMERA CLICK]