Did some shows in Alabama.
Anybody been to Alabama?
Yea, it's a pretty state.
I couldn't live there though, 'cause
I ain't got camouflage, nothing.
(audience laughing)
I have never seen so much
camouflage. I saw one guy had his
whole truck painted camouflage,
like, you're going to sneak up
on a deer with that.
(audience laughing)
Like, the deer's thinking,
"Boy, that bush is moving.
(audience laughing)
"It's got expired plates!"
(audience laughing)
And you see them guys wearing
camouflage from head to toe
and then, like, a bright orange hat.
So if you want to be seen or
don't you? Make up your mind.
I was asking my buddy
about this. He hunts
and he said, "Well, Bryan
"you wear the camouflage.
"so the deer can't see you
"and you wear the orange hat so
"the other hunters don't shoot you."
I said, can't the deer see orange?
He said, "No they're color blind."
Well then why don't
we wear all orange?
(audience laughing)
Then you would be invisible.
(audience laughing)
I was in the store and
they were selling men's
underwear in camouflage.
You know what?
If you find yourself in the woods
trying to sneak up on a
deer in nothing but your
camouflage underwear, I don't think
it's about hunting anymore.
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)
I think your life has
taken a horrible turn.
I was in Ohio.
I was doing shows, coming home
on Sunday morning,
stopped to get gas.
I pull in this pickup truck
pulls in next to me.
Two guys jump out,
they're wearing all camouflage,
so I'm just making conversation,
I said, so you guys hunting?
"Yeah, we're hunting."
I said you hunting deer. "No, no.
"We're hunting mushrooms."
Do you think the camouflage
is necessary?
(audience laughing)
I don't think mushrooms
can run very fast.
I learned that mushroom hunters
do not have a good sense
of humor.
(audience laughing)
So do we have hunters
in the room? Hunters?
(audience cheers)
But nothing wrong with hunting.
I wouldn't do it because it
starts too early in the morning.
All my friends are like, "Well,
"we got to leave by four so we
"can be in the woods by dawn."
Why are you going so early?
"Well, cause the deer
"are easier to get then."
Well, that's because
they're sleepy, hello?
I don't think that's fair.
(audience laughing)
How would you like it?
The alarm goes off.
You roll over, bam!
(audience laughing)
Anybody been watching that show
Alaska State Troopers?
Three of you got the cable here.
(audience laughing)
I love "Alaska State Troopers"
it's like "Cops" on steroids.
so I'm watching it one afternoon,
the cops get a call.
These people have this moose
going crazy behind their house,
so the cops show up. Sure enough,
there's a moose back there.
He got tangled up with
some clothes lines,
he's going nuts,
so they go back there
with a tranquilizer gun.
They shoot him and it doesn't
put them completely down and
he was just—he was all woozy,
so they cut all the clothesline off
and then one of the cops decides
the moose needs an enema.
No, I don't know how you
came up with that diagnosis
there Doctor Doolittle.
(audience laughing)
It just happened that he had
all the stuff in his trunk to
give the Moose an enema,
so he's in the middle of it
and the announcer says, "Well,
"this isn't the first time
"that Bob's had to do this."
(audience laughing)
How many constipated
moose has Bob run across?
(audience laughing)
There's some epidemic in Alaska,
moose eating cheese and
getting jammed up?
(audience laughing)
Anybody, stop to think that Bob's
a weirdo? How about that?
(audience laughing)
You might not know who Bob is,
but I guarantee all the moose
in Alaska know who Bob is.
(audience laughing)
Seems real nice, but
don't turn your back on him.
(audience laughing)