I always knew we couldn't trust your kind.
[GROWLING AND HISSING]
I always knew we couldn't trust your kind.
Yes, and I, too, always knew--
OK, enough.
We get it.
Nobody trusts each other.
The only way to resolve this is a free for all to the death.
[HISSING AND GROWLING]
No, stop, stop!
There's a better way to resolve your differences.
NADJA: Yeah?
"Twilight" style.
What's that?
GUILLERMO DE LA CRUZ: The-- the movie.
"Twilight."
You know what I'm saying, "Twilight."
Let's just play kickball.
Kick-- everyone knows kickball.
MAN 1: Kick your balls.
GUILLERMO DE LA CRUZ: Never heard of it.
NADJA: Come on, Nandor!
You can do it!
Nandor!
I hope you're not feeling too tired,
because I can go all night!
[CHEERING]
I'm sure you feel completely satisfied
with your tiny little bat dick.
I'll give you a bat dick!
[YELLING]
I mean, proportionally, it is quite normal.
But it is, like, a teensy ineffective.
I mean, it's a bat dick, you know?
[GRUNTING]
[CHEERING]
MAN 1: Come on, Laszlo.
NADJA: Use the length of your penis, darling.
You ready, Dick Jagger?
[CHEERING]
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
Where did he go?
I think he's flown home?
Yay!
No!
Yay!
Werewolves, you're slacking.
[YELLING]
NADJA: Give me the ball.
Give it to me.
Get away from me, dog.
[GROWLING]
Anton, go!
Pretend the ball is Gail's head!
I don't dislike Gail!
Oh!
That was an accident!
Shit.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Stop filming!
It was an accident.
Please don't film it!
I like this woman.
You kicked the ball in her head, and now she's dead!
NADJA: Accidentally.
My sweet Gail.
Stand aside werewolf.
I know what to do.
[HISSING]
Ow.
Breathe. Yummy.
Mmm.
Oh, yummy, yummy, yes.
What happened?
She's alive!
I didn't kill her.
Where's my pocketbook?
Can you stand? Can you stand?
Of course I can stand.
I'm old, but I'm not an invalid.
Oh.
GUILLERMO DE LA CRUZ: Hey, Gail.
Now that you are a vampire and we can spend the rest
of eternity together, there is something
that I would like to ask you.
Gail Marie, you never told me your last name.
Would you do me the honor of being my vampire bride?
Oh, Nandor.
Yeah, I was married before, and it is just--
it's just not for me, but hey, you know?
Maybe in 30 or 40 years down the road, who knows?
I mean, we have all eternity to figure this out.
It's ages though.
Yes.
Listen?
Will you wait for me?
Yes?
Forever.
Found your pocketbook.
Oh!
All right, guys, I have to fly to Buffalo in the morning.
My daughter's promotion fell through.
Oh.
And then with the weather that we've been having.
I mean, I really, really need to get to the airport early.
OK? MAN: Bye, Gail.
[INTERPOSING VOICES] - Ciao.
Bye, guys.
I like her.
[ROAR]
[PANICKED VOICES]
MAN: Bye, sweet Gail!
Farewell, my Gail.