Hello Brains! So what happens when you mix hungry, tired, and me as a child?
[warning bells]
In case of meltdown, shake glass.
[music intro]
When I was a kid I had meltdowns over everything. How my mom did my hair.
How unfair it was if my sister got something that I didn't. When I couldn't find my
homework, backpack, shoes, pants. And when the terrible twos turned into the terrible tens,
things got really hard on my mom. To the outsider, I probably looked like a spoiled kid that
just need a good spanking. But when people gave my mom dirty looks or told
her "that child just needs discipline," here's what I wish I could've told her:
This is not your fault. This is not a discipline issue. This is not a parenting
issue. This is an emotional regulation issue. It's not that I didn't WANT to be good.
It's that I didn't know how to manage my emotions. All kids have meltdowns sometimes, but those with
ADHD tend to melt down more easily and they continue to do it later into life.
Which makes for really embarrassing scenes when your twelve year old
screams at you for not getting her the cookies she wants. The strangers in the
grocery store were wrong. Anytime your kid is having a meltdown it just means they're frustrated and
they're getting overwhelmed by those feelings. If you try to punish a kid
who's in the middle of a meltdown it's just gonna make things worse because
A) escalating the situation / turning it into a power struggle is just gonna make
the kid even more emotional which will make it even harder for them to calm down.
Has "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" ever worked?
Ever?
B) The part of the brain responsible for rational thought is completely
overwhelmed with emotions so they can't really listen to you anyway. C) Kids
learn how to handle difficult emotional situations from their parents. If their
parents respond with anger they learn to use anger. This can create real problems
for those of us with poor impulse control later in life. When your kid is upset
think of it as an opportunity to teach them how to deal with their emotions.
If you're upset but respond calmly they'll learn how to be calm even when they're
upset. Which will help prevent meltdowns from happening in the first place.
It also helps to make sure that they are fed and have had a nap. But when talking calmly isnt
enough, sometimes you need a little help. One trick that's super helpful is belly breathing.
I've posted a link to a cute music video that teaches kids how to do this in the description below.
But my new favorite tool is something called a glitter jar or calming bottle. If your child is
upset, preferably before they hit full meltdown, hand them one of these and tell them they can
shake it as hard as they want.
That helps them get some of the anger out.
And then have them hold it. As they watch the glitter slowly fall their brains calm down
It can be helpful to explain to them that their mind is like this bottle and the thoughts
and emotions that they're having are like the glitter. When their mind is all shaken
up with thoughts and emotions they can't think or see clearly.
Once it settles, they can.
In the beginning, this is called co-regulation, which means that you
initiate. You go and get the bottle and sit with them as they use it. This can be
really good for time outs. But, eventually, with practice they'll transition to self-regulation.
When they're upset they'll go get the bottle themselves. Learning to self-soothe is a
really important part of them learning to control their emotions, which will help them in
future relationships and even their careers. OK so this all sounds great on YouTube, but will
kids actually use these things? I don't have kids but I borrowed a friend's to try it out.
This is Ava. This is what she wants you to know about her glitter jars.
I'm Ava. And when Jessica told me to make glitter jars to help me with
my anxiety it was awesome. They're really fun to make. You could watch the glitter fall all the way down
but I kinda just like watching some of it and it still calms me down.
There are great tutorials of different versions of calming bottles all over YouTube including sensory versions that
are particularly good for autism. Links below. But I did my own tutorial as well.
Because... glitter?
Click here for my calming bottle tutorial.
Anyway, yes technically these were designed for kids but I felt so calm
making them that I realized they're really good for us adults too.
So I'll just be here. Being calm.
Oh, and by the way, for those times when public meltdowns do happen, and they will.
Don't worry. Research shows that people don't judge the child's behavior
but their parents' reaction to it. So stay calm and glitter on.
That's it for this week. Send me pics and videos of your own calming bottles on Facebook or Twitter and be
sure to subscribe. See you next week! Bye Brains!
Oh! And Brains! By the way if you lost your glitter jar or forgot to
make it in the first place check it out! It's a glitter jar in a video. YouTube is a
much calmer place now. See you next week. Bye Brains!
[music outro]