- We are going to America's favorite place.
Costco! - Costco!
Costco is a wholesaler.
Are they a wholesaler?
I don't know this technically works.
some reason they-- - It's called
Costco Wholesale.
- Recently, we bought some Amazon suits.
Today, we're gonna buy some Costco clothing.
- Costco clothing.
This is like a very Seattle thing, and it's a lot sweaters,
it's a lot of fleece.
- Lots of camping-appropriate attire.
So we're gonna try to buy as much of a complete outfit
from Costco as possible.
- I think I'm gonna walk out looking like
a lesbian ready for camping.
That's like what I'm expecting, and I'm not mad about it.
- I'm expecting to look like a dad in a rush.
(laughs)
(upbeat music)
- Costco!
You can even get glasses, and pizza.
What is that?
(gasps) Ping pong!
- $900 for a ping pong table?
- We found the clothes.
- I immediately regret this.
I feel like I'm gonna dress like Steven Seagal instead.
The way to go here is gonna be to not dress
like you normally dress.
- Yeah, I know.
Why are you telling me that?
You wanna wear that?
- I don't know.
I don't know why this is new information to me.
- That's pretty cute.
- Let me get science pants.
- I want this.
Why is it only in extra large?
Okay, how large is extra large?
Oh God, thank you!
(techno music).
(crunches)
Trail mix.
- God dammit, it's ladies.
Do I just get it?
I should probably get a real shirt though, right?
Just go with it.
Oh yeah, traditional fit.
Tradish fit.
- You want Costco shoes?
These are Costco shoes.
Squish me, they say.
It's like Jenga.
Whoa, we got Pocky. - That's a lot of Pocky.
- Yeah, that's Costco.
- The hot dog is like your reward for going to Costco.
You survived, here's a hot dog.
- Ready?
Here we go.
Costco.
- We've had hot dogs, and now we're ready
to try on our clothes.
- Alright.
- Yeah, they are really good at recycling at Costco,
so our clothes came in a vodka box.
- Alright, so these are my Sketchers.
Classic Costco mom shoes.
- It feels moisture wicking.
- Oh, for like sweat? - Yeah.
- Oh, I got this classic Nautica gray shirt.
- It's like a t-shirt on the outside
and a dress shirt only on the sleeve.
- Versatility is really what we're after (laughs).
I got some classic Adidas track pants,
which are actually pretty cool,
and then this vest that you helped me pick out,
which is like a safari lesbian vest.
Utility!
- There's lots of pockets inside.
- Look at that.
- They're all labeled for the stuff that--
- Look at how much stuff we can fit.
- The men's clothing, there were a lot fewer options,
so I kinda went with what I thought would
yield a couple different combinations.
I got this shirt, I got some Calvin Klein
- Oh boy.
- But, in case that doesn't work, I got some science pants.
We've got some cargo action on these,
and some zip off shorts,
so really I have like three bottom options here.
That's a secure belt right there.
- You're like Kim Possible.
- The mannequin is, it's just tubes.
It looks like one of those, the car lot
where there's a fan in the bottom and then, yeah.
So I actually went with a woman's jogging sweater
in extra large, which actually fits me pretty stupendously.
A ladies full zip.
- Full zip!
The mom-o-meter.
- And that's that.
- I could've died.
(snappy music)
(laughing)
You look exceedingly normal, actually.
- Really? - Well not normal.
- I'm very comfortable (laughs).
You look like you work at Microsoft.
- Yeah. - Look at all these pockets.
One, two
(squeaking)
Thirteen (laughs).
- There's also a secret money one.
- What? - On your back.
- Where? - Here.
- Fourteen!
Try and rob me.
- You look like you're gonna do some gardening.
- Do I look like we're about to go on safari?
(whispers) Keep your voices down.
- You're gonna scare the gazelle.
- These pants are pretty fly.
I think kids wear stuff like this now.
I think the Adidas stripes are back.
- So this is a ladies jacket.
- Yeah. - I got thumb holes.
They're right there; my wrists will never get cold.
- Oh, good job.
- I love how baggy the sleeves are, you know?
- This is the shirt, literally, that my dad wears (laughs).
- Yeah, mine too.
- Oh God.
The pants are a true disappointment.
I think I might have to try my other pants.
I look like I'm about to give a TEDx talk.
What if I went like that?
- That's why?
(laughs) I like this.
I think if I came to work dressed like this,
no one would say anything.
- You look like you're in charge of the farmer's market.
- But also I always have snacks in my pocket.
I'm really happy with myself.
- I feel like I'm 12 years old right now
wearing my dad's shirt because I suddenly had to go
to something fancy.
- This went pretty well.
I'm very pleased with myself.
I'm gonna wear this for the rest of the day.
- I'm not gonna wear this for the rest of the day,
but I had fun.
- This is definitely designed for ladies.
- Costco: you need clothes?
You got it.
Also a whole pizza, a lot of toilet paper,
and corn on the cob, a TV, an engagement ring,
and a new iPad.
- Yeah. - Good job.
(groaning)
- That was mostly your fault.
- (laughs) No it wasn't.
- Now that Niki's gone, I can try on the thing
that I was really excited for: science pants.
And I think that I sized the generously enough
that I'll just be able to slip them
on over my normal everyday pants.
(lounge music)
Boom, we're ready to do some exploring.
Outdoor dinosaur (bleep), some fossils and stuff.
But then I'm wearing pants underneath it.
Doesn't really make sense though.
But, you can maybe do something like that.
(swishing)
Yes.