I knew the day would come eventually, but it always seemed so far away, you know?
Imaginary, almost.
We had so much time, it felt like the fun would never end.
Until it did.
What I wouldn’t give for just one more day.
But I suppose everyone ends up here, sooner or later.
I was so nervous I was shaking.
It was my turn to present in front of the class.
If this situation sounds familiar, Then ladies and gentlemen, lend me your ear!
My little narration might sound insincere, but this may be adrenaline, which is nothing
to fear!
If you don’t like speaking to more than one or two
then boy howdy have I got a deal for you!
When the teacher decides it’s your turn to stand
you’re holding your poster in your sweaty little hand
It’s hard, walking up to the front of the room
let alone talking with discernible boom.
But remember my words, When you reach into your pocket,
To find that your notes, are... spaghetti?
And... and, the teacher is made of spaghetti, and the poster was spaghetti the whole time!
Who cares about your presentation!?
Everything is spaghetti!
RUN!
I love giving presentations.
Public speaking is one of the most common fears, so you may find that shocking... and
if you are like most people, you have only one question on your mind...
Now that I have a violent stranglehold on your attention, I can tell you about the best
presentation that I have ever given, and let you in on my secret for... how to be this,
as good at them… as me.
One time in English class we had to give a presentation about our family traditions and
trace them back to the countries they started in.
Like how some parents hide a pickle shaped ornament on their Christmas tree, and give
an extra present to the first kid who finds it on Christmas morning.
That tradition supposedly originated in Germany but I’m not totally sure, because I’m
not German.
Probably.
My mom didn’t know what countries our ancestors were from, so instead of calling up distant
relatives and doing you know… research, I went to my teacher and was basically like
“I don’t have a dad” which probably made him super uncomfortable, so he decided
to not make me do that part of the assignment.
For those of you keeping track at home, my assignment had just become “talk about your
family” which doesn’t require any research.
Score!
So for like two weeks, the whole class would spend english period in the library doing
research and making poster boards for their presentations.
Except for me.
I played computer games, and it seemed like the fun would never end.
Until it did.
Uh oh, back to the scary part.
Ok, I don’t have anything done yet, and presentations start today, what did I even
do all week?
We won’t get through everyone in one day, right?
If I don’t get called on, that gives me an extra day to get ready, but I’ll work
during lunch so I’m not totally empty handed, just in case.
Yeah, that’s not happening.
Maybe if I don’t move he’ll forget I exist.
I can’t believe that worked.
I can do my math homework during spanish tomorrow, so the presentation is the only thing I have
to worry about tonight.
I am way too stressed to get anything done right now.
I just need to relax for a second.
Why can’t I think of what to write.
I thought this was gonna be really easy.
BuT I’vE goT nOthInG
Let’s just hope I don’t get called tomorrow.
I’ve got it.
I wake up in the night with ideas all the time.
Usually it’s dumb ideas for videos, but I’m too tired to know how dumb they really
are, so the next morning I find things like “guy casually holding knife” written in
my notes.
Which, by the way, is actually something I wrote down recently.
I don’t even… does he just stand there?
With a knife?
BE CAREFUL SIR!
But this was one of those lucky few times that what I wrote was actually good.
I didn’t focus too much on traditions, exactly, just a lot of the things I liked about my
family.
Like how lots of people might bake banana-nut bread, but since we weren’t huge fans of
walnuts we called ours banana-nutless bread.
*rimshot* (maybe?
) I wasn’t totally sure what to put on my
poster so I downloaded random images of things vaguely related to the stories I was telling.
Like a banana, and a crab.
In the morning I printed off the pictures and frantically glued everything down.
Things had turned around completely, I was freaking out just as much, but now it was
like a good freak out?
Now that I was prepared, I was actually kind of excited, and during english I volunteered
to go first.
Everything was fresh in my mind, so I thought I might as well get it out of the way, and
maybe I could put this good freak out to use.
I walked to the front of the room and everyone laughed at how random my poster was.
It’s always nerve wracking to give a speech, but “Banana-nutless” got a genuine laugh,
so that helped.
Then I talked about how my grandma had a houseboat, and some of my earliest memories were going
out on the water to set crab traps.
We’d cook the crab right there on the boat, and throw the shells back into the water as
we ate them.
Which sounds super cool, until I tell you Toddler-Tim’s favorite part of the houseboat:
playing McDonalds.
That’s a game where you run around the outside of the boat to the kitchen window and knock
frantically until your grandma opens up, then you place your order and run as fast as you
can to the window on the other side of the boat to pick up your imaginary food.
Rinse and repeat.
You’ll know you’ve won when the first window stops opening.
I also talked about my other grandma, Emma.
At first she was only my babysitter, but she babysat me from day one, and I just grew up
calling her grandma.
I have so many fond memories of her, and when I’m ready I’d like to make a video just
for her.
But in the meantime, I’ll tell one of the stories that I shared with my class.
Grandma Emma’s house was incredibly clean, but you know how some people’s houses feel
like a museum?
They’re really clean, but also uncomfortable, and it’s like you’re not supposed to touch
anything.
Her house was different.
I don’t know if it was the lemony-fresh smell or her big ol’ grandma hugs, but when
you walked in, you were home.
I told the class that if there’s one thing my grandma taught me, it’s that you don’t
have to be blood relatives to be family.
Traditions, and the countries they might have come from don’t matter.
In the end, the only thing that matters are the memories we have of the ones we love.
Or something like that.
Maybe the universe is a hologram and nothing matters!
The point is, the class freakin loved my speech.
I’d like to think it was because I shared something really personal, but it was probably
because I ended by essentially saying that this whole assignment was worthless and everyone
was like “Yeah, stick it to the man!”
Whatever the reason, I got an honest to goodness standing ovation.
Now I don’t blame those of you in the comments with your little jazz hands saying there’s
no way I got a standing ovation at school, but I don’t care what you think, because
I know the truth and that’s all that matters.
Unless we’re holograms.
Anyway, I love giving presentations.
I think I had to totally crush it at least once to realize how fun they can be, but now
I love performing.
I still get nervous, but here’s my secret to dealing with it.
I have a theory.
A REGULAR THEORY.
Giving a speech is an intense experience, but I think anxiety and excitement are kind
of two sides on the same intensity coin, if that makes sense.
When you’re about to perform, you get a hit of adrenaline, and most people feel that
as anxiety, but I’ve found that most of the time, I can decide to feel that intensity
as excitement instead!
Especially if I’ve prepared, and know exactly what I’m supposed to say.
It doesn’t work every time, but it’s worth a shot!
So the next time you give a presentation Try your best not to feel hesitation
remember to turn your fear into fuel.
Classmates will stand, and shout that you rule!
and after, you’ll say “OHHH NO WAYYY!
IT IS POSSIBLE I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LEFT THAT COMMENT ON TIM’S VIDEOOOOO”