- Do you want to gain muscle instantly?
Then try Red Cow Muscle Solution.
This doesn't look healthy.
Just in my mouth? Okay.
Nothing happened.
Of course it did, stupid. Call now.
(whimsical music)
This one's for all of you who always wished,
"Why can't they make a highly suggestive
workout tool for me?"
The Shake Weight is a phallic looking object
that was initially marketed towards women
as an oscillating dumbbell that claims
it increases the impact of exercise.
At nearly $20 per Shake Weight,
plus shipping and handling of course,
these things sold rapidly in no small part
due to the viral commercials that had people
laughing so hard, they must have been dying
to know if the product was even real.
In the first year that it was released,
the Shake Weight made over $40 million
for Fitness IQ and the man behind it, Ben Kunz.
In 2011, Consumer Reports released a study
in which they found that doing the Shake Weight routines
actually burned less calories
than simply walking at a reasonable pace.
So don't waste your money looking like you're, you know.
Just go for a walk instead.
Just in case you didn't feel nerdy enough
with those pens in your pocket or purse,
now you can wear that ballpoint
around your neck like a real playa.
What's that, you want more? You got it.
Boom, it's a digital clock, too.
Nailed it.
Marketed to those who are always dropping,
breaking, or otherwise losing their pens,
the Magnescribe Pen is a writing tool that connects
to a circular clock you wear around your neck.
Simply by pulling it out of its dock,
you can be writing in seconds,
like, you know, two seconds sooner than it was
if, you know, you had it in your purse or pocket.
The commercial makes it seem like
this thing is essential for your life.
Why glance at your watch or phone
when you could awkwardly draw up the string around
your neck and turn the tiny clock to face you?
Sounds like a good idea to me.
The commercial also fails to address
what happens when you ultimately lose the pen
that belongs in the magnet pendant.
Well, you just gotta buy another one, obviously.
Have you ever returned from a nice walk and thought,
"Man, I wish that walk could've been more difficult
and full of embarrassing mishaps"?
If so, do I have the perfect solution
to your too solid walking problem.
Toning shoes.
This new footwear is keeping people on their toes
with different styles such as rocker bottom sole,
curved soul, and collapsible heel sole,
and by promising to aid in burning more calories
with each step, improving muscle strength,
and bettering overall balance,
while making walking, of course, more difficult.
But of course, studies show that they don't do those things.
At all.
In fact, on May 25th, 2011, Consumer Reports revealed
that most types of toning shoes just created
increased risks of injury to their wearers.
Twisted ankles, muscle tears, and even broken bones
were becoming common, with some of the injuries
actually requiring surgery to fix.
Stick to normal shoes, people.
There are no shortcuts.
Ugh, isn't preparing pasta such a chore,
all that boiling and waiting patiently?
And don't you just hate all those dishes
that you have to do after you cook it?
Well, lucky for you, the Pasta Pro is here
to make your life much easier.
Basically a pot with holes in the top of it
for straining the water,
this thing's gonna revolutionize
how you soften your noodles.
Just boil, dump, and then do everything else
you'd normally do.
Of course, the Pasta Pro barely decreases
any amount of dishes that you have to do,
merely eliminating the strainer,
which you probably eliminated anyway
if you use the lift the pod lid just enough
for the water to spill out but not the noodles approach.
Still though, how can you go without it?
The best part of this as seen on TV item
is the commercial itself,
which expresses the product's versatility,
which allows it to be used
on either a gas or electric stove top.
You know, like pretty much every other pot in existence.
So.
Want to improve your strength, dexterity, flexibility,
but without actually working for it?
Try the Power Bracelet.
This company, whose CEO and PR team by the way,
must go through a lot of undergarments
with their pants constantly catching on fire,
created some plastic wrist accessories that promise you
an increase in physical attributes simply by wearing them,
or, at least they did.
That is, until they were forced by an Australian
competition in consumer commission ruling
in 2011 to retract their claims.
They also had to apologize and pay out around,
I don't know, somewhere around the tune
of $57 million for false advertising.
The false advertising claimed
that the enhancements occurred
due to holographic technology,
which was basically a sticker on the front of the bracelet.
How people believed the company's lies,
I'll never understand, but many did,
and shelled out around $30 per unit,
and they sold a whole lot of 'em.
There's a sucker born every minute.
It happens all the time.
A happy newlywed couple are settling down for the night
when suddenly one of them farts, ending the bliss forever
in the stench of the possessed element
that is now hovering around them.
Next thing you know, they're in a bitter custody battle
as the divorce papers get finalized.
If you don't want this to happen to you,
then you've got to get the Marriage Blanket.
This ridiculous product sells for just $29.99
plus shipping and handling,
and promises to protect your union
from the bodily functions you experience
by insulating you against each other's odors.
Made from activated carbon fabric,
which apparently is what the military needs
to protect soldiers from chemical weapon attacks,
the Marriage Blanket absorbs your flatulence
and saves you from a nasty divorce.
Of course, a real partnership could survive
a little poopy gas, but don't go tellin' that
to all those potential customers.
To them, it's just silly nonsense.
Legit though, how bad your farts gots to be
to make me wanna get a divorce with you?
Less Taco Bell, more veggies.
As ripoffs go, few are more clearly not worth your money
than those which promise you healthier life
and the chance to shed those excess pounds without exercise,
like by simply, you know, taking a pill.
However, that's what a number of TV commercials advertised
for companies like Enforma Natural Products,
who in April of 2000 was ordered to settle up
with the Federal Trade Commission's charges
and pay $10 million in consumer redress
after misleading customers with their products.
Their products included Exercise in a Bottle,
Fat Absorber, Fat Trapper, and Fat Trapper Plus.
Calling these products miracle drugs,
the people behind these lies
actually had the nerve to try it again,
this time falsifying scientific studies
and violating the court order by advertising
and selling new products, Acceleron and Chitozyme.
In case you didn't know, there's no pill
that can make you lose weight.
It's all proper diet and exercise.
Unless it's a laxative, in which case,
you'd probably lose a little bit of weight.
Sorry, that's gross.
Man, when you gotta go, you gotta go, am I right?
But when you're about to tee off on that 10th hole
and that urge to pee creeps up on ya, what do you do?
What's that?
You wanna find a toilet, outhouse,
or bushes like a normal human being?
Why on earth would you do that
when there are products like Uroclub to assist you?
This incredibly ridiculous secret pee pee reservoir
makes the perfect gift for golfers who can't be
more than eight feet from a bathroom at all times.
Grandpa, lookin' at you.
The Uroclub looks like a normal golf club,
except the end of the grip unscrews to reveal a tube
that's ready to receive your three wood.
By covering your crotch area with the provided green towel
and putting your business inside the club,
relieving yourself is exactly the same as using a facility,
only more complicated and obvious.
Ever wonder why your dad takes
a really long time before putting?
Yeah, now you know.
When it comes to false advertising,
it seems like sometimes hiding the lies in a hint of truth
makes the advertisers sleep better.
Take Sauna Suits, or the more modern Sauna Shorts,
for example.
These things promise to strip you of those extra pounds
by making you sweat more, but they're far from a good idea.
Now, the truth is in the sweating part.
The suits and shorts keep the heat in,
increasing your body heat, which makes you sweat.
Now, while yes, you lose water weight
while you sweat excessively, it's a temporary fix.
The first thing you have to do is drink water to compensate,
and that's just going to bring the weight right back.
What's worse is using Sauna Suits, shirts,
or any similar style of attempted weight loss
can do some real damage to your body.
Excessive sweating can lead to severe dehydration,
which in turn can lead to organ failure.
This one's not just a ripoff, it's life-risking,
but hey, if you wanna lose some pounds,
sometimes you just gotta ride the snake.
Don't you just hate it when you're doing your business,
you know, dropping the kids off at the pool,
you know what I'm sayin',
and there's absolutely nothing to do but sit there
and wait for nature's movements to be over with?
Sure, you could read my book, Mind=Blown or a magazine
or get back to those texts that you've been putting off,
but there's got to be something that,
while spectacularly unnecessary,
will give you something to do
and maybe even teach you something.
Well, yes, there is, the Potty Putter.
Though now widely considered a gag gift for avid golfers,
this bathroom distraction had a real TV commercial
teasing it would take some strokes off your game
for only $19.99.
The ad actually promised to make you healthier
by not rushing your business,
claiming with the Potty Putter,
you'll take time to play with your putter.
Of course, the whole thing is incredibly awkward
as nobody puts in a squatting position,
and if you do, they're probably pooping their pants
and you should get authorities immediately.
But hey, thank you guys so much for watching this,
and if you got a laugh out of it or you learned something,
any of the above, drop a like on it.
And of course, don't forget to subscribe if you haven't yet.
I'm going to have a brand new video for you tomorrow
at 12 west coast time, three Eastern Standard Time,
so make sure you come by then.
Have a great day.
Make sure you're smiling today, baby.
Don't go buying any of these products,
and I'll see you then.
Peace.