true denial to quit porn i'm Dr. Trish Leigh, Cognitive Neuroscientist and
Sex Addiction Recovery Coach. i'm here to help you understand that you can actually use denial
to help you get and stay out of the screen and get on purpose in your life
now this one's pretty deep so stay with me in this video we are going to talk about
the denial you're in right now which i will call false denial the nile denial that you are stuck
in that keeps you going back for more and more and more into the screen and you know what i think the
hijackers hijacked your brain and is keeping you in false denial but then we're going to talk about
number two true denial when you kind of wake up to this stuff and you can see it for what it is you
will be impacted so much that you will be able to come out of the screen and stay out of it forever
and then number three is how you can maintain true denial for the rest of your life it's your brain
tip strategy for the day so let's break it down what do i mean by this denial mumbo jumbo right
okay so denial when it's the false denial the denial that most people in the world live in
basically what you're doing is you're denying your true authentic self the one that's in there
who wants to come out and thrive you're denying him from coming out you're keeping him tucked away
and there's three main reasons we tuck away our true authentic self and we try to forget about him
or her number one is trauma and literally you can have your true authentic self beaten right out of
you and many people do number two is dysfunction so it might not be as dramatic as being beaten out
of but it's being scared out of so you're taught the way to interact with the world that makes
you feel as safe as possible it's not the way you would have if you didn't have to claw for safety
and security and for seeming love at a young age and lastly is programming many of us are just
programmed to be more scared or more anxious or cynical or to not need love because this when we
talk about all this stuff it's multi-generational it comes from your parents who learned it from
their parents who learned it from their parents and you go back a generation or two and there was
so much less love in the world in terms of uh you know most families and that's being carried down
so the way out is to break the pattern i'm going to show you how in just a second but false denial
is you know not needing that part of yourself that's in there and trying to tuck it away and
unfortunately what you do is you're dousing your spark that true spark that's in there now instead
what you do is you look externally into the world for something that can make you feel okay so the
true authentic self the joy the spark the love the peace it looks to the world and goes okay
what can i get that makes me feel okay and it becomes an eternal loop of pleasure seeking and
pleasure seeking can never actually be fulfilled and we know if you've developed a porn habit
your brain is dependent upon or it's counting on the dopamine that it gets from consuming
porn that dopamine makes your brain feel good for a time it's the pleasure seeking neurotransmitter
it makes your brain feel good when you're in the screen it makes your brain feel bad when
you're not in the screen which makes you seek more pleasure in the screen it's completely external
so it becomes very externalized and it makes you feel like you're lacking we know that when people
develop a porn habit it creates a shame cycle it makes you feel shame it makes you feel bad
on the inside it makes you feel less than it makes you feel like you need something to complete you
and what you've learned and what you've taught your brain over time is that the screen is the
thing that complete you for time at least so you go back into the screen so that you can get that
external hit of the validation that you actually want from internal from internalized joy and peace
and just being and feeling good about that and so your self-worth decreases and you need to go into
the screen to feel better about it it's projection of scarcity hopefully you're with me on this i
know it's complex but it's true for most people so the validation becomes externalized from pleasure
seeking in the world and that can be through when if you've developed hypersexuality it all revolves
around sex so it might be being with different partners it might be having people uh dote over
you it's definitely involving the screen that is false denial you're actually denying yourself your
true authentic self that kiddo in there at the age of three or four who had this spark in them
that the spark went out and this false spark was created in porn and sex now here's number
two how do you get back to that true self well you get true denial going on and true denial is
when you deny the stuff of the world that you've linked your brain to and you say you know what
i don't need that stuff anymore and the reason you don't need the things from the world is because
you've actually taken action steps to reinvigorate that true authentic self inside and become the
person that you want to be that's why i always say get on purpose in your work get on purpose in your
relationships and get on purpose in your hobbies because it feeds you from the inside out and you
don't need other people to validate you and this is going to be pivotal for when you maintain true
denial in a second which is your brain tip but so if you can get to a place where you remember what
your spark is what did you love to do as a kid write them down and start doing them what did you
always want to do as a kid follow those impulses and those intuitions they will lead you towards
the true self that's in there and you can deny the errors of your way now getting sucked into
a porn habit or hypersexualization webcam sex prostitutes affairs those are errors of your way
nobody wants to be in that truthfully you're in that because you're looking for the love that you
wish you had from the inside we know that that's why people go to the screen control love whatever
thing that basic fear and that basic desire that drives them into it when you give yourself your
basic desire and you let your basic fear thaw away you can be your true self so what happens
is now you have an attitude and a feeling of abundance you feel whole your self-worth goes up
you're no longer projecting scarcity instead you're allowing yourself to create
to be able to do the thing that you were meant to do in this world you were born into this world for
something special we all were and so when you when you figure out what that special thing is and you
do it it lights you up your spark is sparkified again i know it's probably not a word but
you will be sparky you will feel so good from the inside and now you exude and extend abundance and
you create and you help heal yourself through your creations and then it creates the ripple effect
that helps to heal the world and helps everybody else to get on purpose and to create that's what
i've been trying to do in my life that's why when this porn thing landed in my lap i had to sit back
for a minute and go porn this is where i'm going right now for real but you know what spark was in
there and i feel like i've been preparing my whole life to help people leave porn behind even though
i didn't know it all of my training has led me here to be the perfect person to lead this crusade
and when it landed in my lap painfully honestly i'm like you know what i'm here for it because
this is the spark i'm feeling sparkified about this and so i heal myself and i help
hopefully i'm helping you to heal yourself and then it extends out and we can all help each
other heal and when we help each other we continue to heal ourselves it's not giving away it's giving
to receive and when you're on purpose as your true authentic self that is what you get that's
internalized it becomes an internal experience of peace joy love extension so i want you to deny
that false self ears the ego as we call it that's gotten into the habit of pleasure seeking to douse
the pain of not being your true self we know that when people get sucked into a pleasure seeking
habit porn sex or anything else it results in pain it's the ab cycle it's the it's the pleasure pain
paradox it results in pain when you find your true authentic self even if nobody else in the
world likes it it results in internal peace and there's a huge difference and i want that for
you you deserve that and i want you to have it because it's amazing and you're gonna love it now
once you are able to do that leave the errors behind come out of a shame cycle figure out
that thing you want to create get on purpose and do it you can maintain your true denial now this
is number three your brain tip strategy and this is how it works and it's not a perfect process if
you're in the human condition like i am but this is how it works is that you might get sucked back
into some of your old programming again that was a protective mechanism back in the day
but you've healed yourself you've created a life you love but some of that programming will creep
in and what will happen is you might get sucked back into illusion or unreality so some of the
fear and the anxiety that you might have had that might push you back into the screen you feel it
on the inside you're like yikes what the heck is that that's fear i'm feeling anxious i'm worried
about money which is an external thing i'm worried about girlfriend that's an external thing that's
you're allowing other people's errors or your own errors or illusions to rock the boat of your true
self and your true peace now here's a cool thing you might ebb and flow between you know having
your boat rack getting sucked back into the human condition going external looking for external
validation but then you might go you know what i'm not going to let my girlfriend disrupt my peace
with her unhealthy behaviors or whatever we've got going on i'm going to stay in peace and if i stay
in peace it extends out from me and i can solve the things that are happening if you stay in peace
you extend it out if you go back into errors you project the fear and scarcity it's how it works
so you'll ebb and flow and i do too i'm not a perfect person at all but what then happens is
you can see the things coming toward you and you learn your threshold and you can see an
illusion or an error of somebody else's of or of your own and then you're like oh i'm sucked into
external stuff i'm gonna pump the brakes on that and i'm gonna get back to peace and i've shared
with you that that happened to me when summer moved to fall and my schedule was really busy in
the summer because my kids were all gone doing things and then school hits and now i've got
a lot more momming to do yes i verb momming i had a lot more momming to do and i'm like
yeah i actually had all these appointments and it really disrupted my internal peace because
of my external need to work and to mom and to help other people and you know i was doing too
much externally so i had to change my schedule change my schedule get back to a place of peace
and now i can go back to expanding and abundance and helping other people to heal each other
i can be a good mom i can be a good worker or you know i can be on purpose in my creations just like
you can so i ebb and flow between that but now i can see it coming at me most of the time and
if i can't it's only a little bit of time before i can bring myself back that's how you maintain the
denial of getting sucked back into that through your foundation of being your true authentic self
okay i hope that helps you out dare to be the person that you want to be you only go around this
marble in the sky one time so you might as well embrace it for all it's worth get out of the
screen because you're wasting your potential get on purpose in your life figure out what you want
to do it doesn't matter if other people like it it matters if you like it if you want to be a plumber
go be the kick-ass plumber of the world if you want to heal the world from porn whether the
world wants it or not join me in the crusade that is what sparkifies you follow it dare to follow it
have the courage look the fear in the eye and rock out your best life because you only have
one time around okay if you're looking for help on the journey reach out to me www.drtrishleigh.com
i'd be happy to help you and if not until next time control your brain or it'll control you
you