hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video this week let's get
into neediness so are you the needy person in your relationship are you tend
to be the jealous person that insecure person the person that needs a lot of
attention so I'm gonna give you some signs that way you can know if you are
that person in the relationship and then like always we're gonna get into how do
we begin fixing this now before we get into this week's video like always if
you have not subscribed don't forget to click the subscribe button down below
and click on post notifications so neediness this is a topic that comes up
a lot in my damns in my emails and my comments from you guys underneath all of
my videos so what do we do when we are the needy person in the relationship
number one good for you for recognizing that you tend to be this person in your
relationship so when I think of someone who's needy I think of someone who needs
a lot of attention in the relationship so perhaps they need a lot of validation
they need a lot of compliments they are always texting they are always wanting
to be around their partner they could become extremely jealous they could miss
the person you know it's almost like a very codependent relationship they can
never do something by themselves they always need their partner by their side
and again if we really enjoy our partner and we want them around often and we
like them then that's a great thing but there does come a cent a time in a
relationship where possibly you could even lose yourself a little bit you tend
to lose your identity a little bit you tend to lose that aspect of having your
own life having your own hobbies having something for yourself that is outside
your relationship and that is healthy as long as it is respective to the
relationship now in the beginning stages of dating this is probably the most
predominant because you could be the person that you know you just started
dating someone you really like this person and you're stalking them all over
social media you are texting them away too much
you are emailing them you're deeming them you know it you're always trying to
be in contact with this person you're possibly moving too fast in the
relationship so a lot of times when we come from that kind of lack when we come
from that insecurity we want to progress the relationship really really quickly
because we feel if the words I love you are said or if we're moving in together
or we're if we're exclusive that that means hey you're never gonna leave me
that gives me a sense of security in the relationship when and the reality is we
know that that doesn't so if you tend to really feel almost depressed or sad or
that you know life is kind of boring without this person again on some levels
it's great if you really enjoy a person but just think of anyone in your life
that's a friend that you really enjoy spending 24 hours a day seven days a
week feeling depressed if you're not with
that person is not something that's healthy and it really goes the same for
your partner or your spouse or your girlfriend boyfriend whoever you are in
an intimate relationship with so when all of these things begin to happen we
tend to lose our sense of identity like I said earlier and when that happens we
don't know who we are we don't know what we think we don't know how we feel we
don't know what we need today we don't know you know what are the things that I
enjoy doing it really becomes all about the relationship and these two people
like becoming one and I know that that that's the phrase that tends to be kind
of thrown around in terms of soul mates and you complete me and all that type of
stuff but no one completes you oh you have to be healthy and whole just by
yourself so learning how to have your own identity what do I think what do I
feel you know what do I need today being able to do things on your own without
needing someone to do it with you whether that's go to the store whether
that's you know go to the gym whether that's go for a walk
whether that's saying hey you know what I want to go for a bike ride today do
you want to know you know okay well I'm gonna go spend twenty thirty minutes and
go do that by myself that ability to be by yourself and be okay that combats all
neediness you will not be a needy insecure person if you're able to do
things on your now jealousy and security and neediness
sometimes can go hand-in-hand because if you're a very meaty person on some level
there's some type of insecurity or lack going on within yourself now if there's
a severe amount of insecurity coming from you then you're going to need a lot
of praise a lot of validation so this is probably the person that's hinting for
compliments oh I look ugly today oh I look fat today and they want their
partner to come in and really praise them and tell them that no you're not
and kind of really uplift them so here we go without codependent relationship
or possibly even a narcissistic relationship so if you are or have been
the type of person in a relationship where when your spouse is talking to
someone of the opposite sex or a person that you know that they would find very
attractive you completely lose your stuff like you lose all common sense and
just become over emotional erratic completely jealous you start accusing
this person you're creating these stories in your head that this person
now wants to you know be with this person or finds them more attractive
than me and so your insecurities really start coming into play so this will
probably end up resulting in some sort of passive aggressive behavior possibly
even a fight where you've now picked a fight with this person based on a story
that you're telling yourself because of something that you feel with inside of
yourself that you're not dealing with and if the person is unaware of your
stuff then they might be combative and go back and forth with you and now here
we go with world war two so something that I find that is so healthy for a
relationship is that ability to kind of miss each other so when you go away on a
trip and you kind of leave your spouse oh you leave your partner and just that
time away where you kind of realize how I haven't talked to you in a while or
you know you're able to FaceTime and you haven't had that kind of interaction
where it becomes a little exciting and flirtatious almost that's healthy
because you have to have your own sense of Independence
you have to have an ability to be able to miss your partner so you can remember
you know it's just the law of familiarity you know whenever you are
with something for enough time you tend to take advantage of it not advantage of
it but you don't often realize all the great things that are within this person
and that's just any person it doesn't matter if a healthy or not healthy you
know trying to be abusive or not that's just life and that's just that's just us
as human beings so being able to miss your partner and have your own sense of
Independence and pull away from the relationship for a minute so you can
have your own life that is healthy in terms of people that are dating and
neediness I would say definitely moving too fast as a sign of neediness it's
just a sign of insecurity because who wants to move fast in a relationship so
that means that you've been so eager to be in a relationship that because you
started dating someone and yeah you're having great chemistry the conversations
good like things are flowing you don't all of a sudden dive into a full-blown
committed relationship and completely lose everything that you just worked so
hard to build hopefully um you don't just throw that away because all of a
sudden you have a shiny new toy that's that is a severe case of salt low
self-esteem someone that was really laughs felt lack or desperate to get in
a relationship that when they started actually getting one they wanted to
full-blown go in that and lose everything else that they just built so
how do we begin to kind of overcome this sense of neediness or this jealousy or
this insecurity number one you have to be mindful I always say regardless of
what it is that you're trying to change within yourself you have to be mindful
as to when you're actually doing it so when does the neediness come when and
when the neediest comes what is it is it I'm hinting for a compliment I need
reassurance right now and on some level that's fine if you need it or or would
like it I would say but to need it to not feel okay
unless someone is able to verbally you know calm you down
that's not that person's job you have to be able to kind of go inside and figure
out what's going on what am I telling myself right now and be able to talk
yourself through things that's parenting that's what we talk about
every week on this channel and learning how to have an inner dialogue with
yourself that's healthy that allows you to number one spot when a wound or some
kind of past trauma is coming up and how do I deal with it
do I need to attend to it do I need to heal it do I need to talk to it too I
need to validate it or is it something a story that I'm just creating in my head
and that story is not even true so beginning to use more logic than emotion
when you're having some of your thoughts in order to do any of that you have to
first be mindful you have to be mindful of like okay here I go
I'm going down a rabbit hole of sheer jealousy telling you no convincing
myself of a story that possibly isn't even happening right now and quite
frankly even if it did happen you know hindsight and you go back and you're
like wait a minute I had a feeling of that if it ends up actually happening
you'll handle that situation there's nothing that you can change in the
moment sometimes unless you feel like you're being disrespected so in terms of
jealousy there's something that's inappropriate that's going on and that's
not okay with you that's not Nene just that's actually you now saying okay
these are my standards these are my boundaries and what you did was not okay
if you're a person you're loved language is words of affirmation and that's
something that makes you feel loved inside and then having those
affirmations is something that you need and that's totally fine but needing it
so someone builds up your self-esteem that's the neediness that's the
insecurities that's the end healthiness that we're talking about right now so
being mindful to recognize when do those things come up being aware of like okay
I have been with my partner 24 hours a day for three weeks quarantines over let
me go make plans with someone else okay I'm spending all this time with my
partner and while I absolutely love it and everything's going great we're fine
there's no or bumps in the road or anything like that
let me also Remember Who I am and get in touch with my own identity and do
something for myself this week just having some healthy balance in your life
is necessary one of the biggest things that you can do in terms of
enos is the tech saying when someone is uber needy or really insecure they're
going to text in tax and tax and if they don't get an answer they're gonna start
freaking out as well why hasn't this person responded oh well they're not
into me well they're doing something else oh well maybe they're cheating on
me like all of these stories begin to happen you need to sit with those
stories sit with that in that anxiety and be able to work through it
so the next thing if you are someone who is needy is work on your self-esteem
work on loving yourself work on knowing how to be alone work on all of the
stories that you tell yourself work on self parenting work on mindfulness like
these are the things that you have to work on every single day so when you do
get into a relationship you are a healthy person in the relationship if
you're a healthy person even if you attract someone who is not healthy the
relationship won't last because you are at a certain level and you need someone
who's going to meet you where you're at and if you're with someone that is not
at your level then the relationship is never going to work and it's gonna fall
off you know be independent get your own set of friends go on trips with you know
other friends and not just your partner all the time spend time alone go do
something for yourself on a Saturday and just be for a second
learn how to enjoy your own company so you can have that healthy balance in any
relationship and lastly work on trusting people a lot of the times when we're
needy and we have these insecurities and we are filled with jealousy it is
because we do not trust other people learn to trust and if you've ever been
in a situation where you've been betrayed or you have abandonment it is
understandable why you have this hesitation but not every person is your
last partner or is a person that has let you down in the past so give people the
benefit of the doubt and even if someone does something to hurt that trust betray
you abandon you in the future you will be able to handle that that's something
that I always tell myself no matter what
happens to me in my life I will be able to handle myself it doesn't mean I won't
feel sad or I won't be upset that this happened but I know how to handle the
situation I know how to take care of myself so I trust that I'm gonna give
trust to people as they begin to earn that trust and I trust myself that if
something happens I'll be able to take care of myself emotionally mentally
physically and spiritually so I hope you guys have enjoyed that video if you did
don't forget to comment down below you aren't interested in any of my coaching
programs I always link everything down below I do coaching programs I do online
courses you can buy just programs if you're interested in the specific topics
or if you just want a one-off one-time individual session with me you can book
that all down below so thank you guys so much and I'll see you next week