What the heck are they thinking? That's exactly what we're gonna cover in
today's video. I'm gonna explain in detail how people addicted to drugs and
alcohol think we're gonna delve into the psychology of addiction. I want
you to pay close attention because if you have a loved one with a drug or
alcohol problem, you absolutely have to understand the nature of the beast when
people say you're powerless and you can't do anything. That's because you're
trying to interact with your loved one and you're trying to play by the normal
universal laws. Well those don't apply anymore and in this video, I'm gonna
explain exactly why. Hey, if you're new to this channel I'm Amber Hollingsworth,
master addiction counselor. It's my job to make sure you stay five steps ahead
of addiction at all times. So if that's something that you need to do subscribe
to this channel and hit the bell so you don't miss a thing. Okay we are gonna
break down the thinking process of people addicted to drugs and alcohol in
three separate levels. Have you guys saw that movie Inception you know when they
go in like levels, deep dream levels that I keep going down we're going down three
levels today. So you might want to get your pen and paper out. The very first
thing I want you to understand the psychology of addiction. It really starts
with the biology of addiction because what happens when you are dependent on a
the substance, it keeps you stuck in a real primitive survival part of your brain.
now, most of you probably have taken a psychology class in college or high
school and you might have even learned about this thing called Maslow's
hierarchy of needs. It's this pyramid and Maslow talks about how you have various
needs and some are at the base of the pyramid and some are at the top of the
pyramid and you can't move on to your next level until you satisfy the base
level of needs. Now, at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs are things
that have to do with safety. if you're not physically safe in a situation it's
going to be really hard for you to think about whether or not you're getting a
raise tomorrow. You see what I mean? You have to be safe to be able to think about
the next thing. If you haven't had any food to eat in two weeks then you're
probably not thinking about what your friend thinks about your new hairdo. You
see you've got to have these base needs be met. It's kind of like I'm gonna worry
about this, if that's okay I'm going to worry about this, if that's okay then I
worry about this. Well, in chemical dependency you actually stay stuck down
in these base level needs. So let me translate for you what that means for
you. Basically, if you're interacting with an addicted person and you're wondering
to yourself, "why don't they care about their career more"? "why don't they
care about what people think of them?" "why don't they care about their hygiene?"
"why don't they care about..." You name it fill in the blank. It's because they
can't care about those things because they're stuck down here the biology of
the dependency makes them where they get stuck down there and they can't get any
further up until they satisfy that need. Now, what's interesting about this is
when you're dealing with someone and they actually have their substance in
them. Like if you're dealing with a person addicted to pain pills and they
actually have the substance in them. Then they actually think about the next thing.
It's that Maslow thing at work, so if there were unsteady on pain pills then
they are thinking about their grades and their career and the promotion that they
want to get. But not until they've got that need met first. The same thing with
alcohol same thing with anything else. So
that might explain to you why it seems like your loved one actually on some
level functions better on the substance because it's like now that I've got that
base need met, I can think about other things. Okay, that's level one I hope you
got your grounding coin in your pocket because we're going a little deeper.
Alright, level number two in understanding the psychology of addiction has to do
with shame and rationalization. When you're stuck down there in that bottom
level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs or Maslow's pyramid then you're constantly
doing things that don't really fit with your value system. Some of those things
you feel guilty over some of those things you feel embarrassed over and
some of those things you feel flat-out shameful for. You find yourself
doing things that you never thought that you would do.
All of those things ultimately make us feel very shameful about ourselves
and shame is the most uncomfortable human emotion that there is. Think about
something for just a second that you're shameful about. I bet you feel kind of
squirmy right? You're like let's talk about something else.
I don't blame you. We all have these natural defense mechanisms against
shame. Let me give you a tiny little example and maybe you can relate. So
let's say you went to the mall and you went to return a t-shirt or something
they got and it didn't fit. You walk by the shoe store and you're like oh my gosh I
am in love with these shoes and you look at the price tag.
It's like super expensive and you're like "mmm that's really not in the budget"
but then you rationalize and you buy the shoes and feel a little bit guilty
on the way home. You have buyer's remorse. Immediately, you're probably
gonna start rationalizing that purchase. Almost like if you walked in the door and
you're at home when someone says "why did you spend all that money?" Then you
have a reason in the back of your head. So you start to rationalize that. We all
do this all people do this and it's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just a
defense mechanism. When you're stuck in addiction, you're making these kind of
choices and engaging in these kind of behaviors that are causing you to have
to rationalize like all the time. so it's a constant rationalization and
justification and minimization of other things. What happens is eventually,
that leads you into level number 3. Once an addict has been to that
point where they've been rationalizing and justifying and minimizing so often
for so long they actually get to a point where they're full-out delusional. Now, if
you've ever dealt with someone in late stages of addiction or alcoholism, I bet
you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's like you're thinking "um are
you living in the same world I'm in"? like, what you're not seeing the same view
that I'm seeing. It's because this person that you're dealing with they're really
not seeing the world the same way you are for a couple of reasons. One of them
goes back to that level one and that is that the person you're
dealing with is either operating under the influence of a substance which
totally messes with their filter and how they take in information from the world.
so it messes their lens up, they don't see it the way other people see it. or they
don't have the substance and there in a little bit of withdrawal which also
messes their lens up it makes them take in information, it feels differently, and
it computes differently than it would otherwise. so at any given point
intoxicated or not intoxicated, information is coming through a messed up lens. so
they are literally not seeing the world the same way that you're seeing it. now
you combine that with tons and tons and tons of rationalization, justification,
minimizing and what you have is a person that is fully delusional. I'm serious. let
me give you an example. Just last week, Campbell called me in the morning cuz
she was really worried about one of her clients. it was this girl who has stolen
a bunch of jewelry from her mother because she actually got caught trying
to go to the pawnshop and sell it. she got arrested and when the parents came
to pick her up she was ticked off at them.
like it's their fault. like there's something wrong with him. like they did
something. Her thinking in her head is "mom that's been in the jewelry box
for 15 years, you were never gonna use it anyway why are you making such a big
deal about it"? This is literally what this girl is thinking. I had another
client once this was years ago, who had gotten in a lot of trouble had been a lot
of bad things so his parents had like shipped him out across the country to go
stay with the grandparents.Then he stole a bunch of money from them so they
shipped him back home and then the kid ended up in my office I say he's a kid
who's probably like 17 or 18. I was asking him about the money that he stole
from the grandparents and he said "well I mean, they have a ton of money and they
would just leave cash out like sitting on the table or on the dresser I mean what
do they expect if they put it there you ain't gonna take it!" Delusional! Do you
see what I'm talking about here? it's like what in the world? when you have
that feeling inside of you and you really want to put your hands
around their neck or their shoulders and shake them.
That's when you know you're dealing with delusional behavior and that's why
none of the regular stuff is gonna work when you're dealing with an addict.
you really gotta understand the rules of the addicted universe. otherwise,
everything you say and do is just gonna bounce off of them like they have this
force field. they do. they have a force field of delusion around them and
everything you do is just gonna totally bounce off. now, if you really want to
understand the psychology of addiction, the best way to do that is to hear it
from people who've been into addiction and come out the other side because if
you listen to enough people long enough you're going to start to see these
patterns and understand what I'm telling you
because you know what I didn't learn this stuff in counseling school these
are things that I've learned after talking to hundreds thousands of people
with drug and alcohol problems over the course of a bunch of years. these are the
patterns that I've noticed and if you'll take just a minute and listen to these
stories you're going to see it too. I decided while I was doing that like was
and was going to stop doing drugs. The hard drugs. I was still gonna smoke. "Why did you decide that?"
because I knew that like if I wanted to be like super successful with it like I
was not going to be able to continue the same habits like I did. I think I
figured out if I like drank the first one really quickly I can start feeling
good okay the next one I can kind of like nurse it
and I was feeling I could maybe grab one from the fridge downstairs or maybe like
drink a glass of wine at dinner. the long-term treatment I went afterwards
break a rule cuz like that never stopped I had a big first heartbreak there in
college and I'm going straight down the rabbit hole to deal with those emotions
to what I knew. How did I deal with anxiety and fear and depression trouble. "So your
treatment center was what they call a wheeler industry?" yeah so you know I was
just backpacking that's all we did two weeks at a time then we come back and
wash our clothes to go right back out and I loved it I really did and and
that's still and after that I took the suggestion to live in the halfway house
afterwards it was my first experience for the halfway house and it was great
but at the end of the day I still had those reservations to drink